Proper Visiting Etiquette...

Visiting... - Visiting...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
April 7, 2009 8:57pm CST
I have a question about proper visiting etiquette…if you go to someone’s house and they don’t offer you a drink or meal, do you get it yourself or wait till they offer or go without? I was always taught that you don’t “help yourself”, you wait for them to offer or wait till you leave. I’d never, ever go through ppl’s cupboards or fridge. Someone I know had this happen recently and it surprised me that someone would do something like that…regardless of who it is. Would you “help yourself” in someone else’s home? Have you ever had someone go through your cupboards or fridge without your permission? Would you ban a person who does this from your home? [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
21 people like this
70 responses
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I would ask for a drink if I was offered one. i don't even like to dig through my parents fridge and they don't even care.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Apr 09
Twoey- This is a great discussion starter! I was taught that any time you have a guest you should offer them food and drink. It's just the proper thing to do. And I was taught it was proper to wait until someone offered me food or drink when at another's home, though if they did not offer I considered it rude behavior and generally didn't visit again. Now, where family and good friends are concerned I always offer, but I have a standing rule with them that what's in my kitchen is theirs. Meaning, after we've had tea or what not, if they still want something else they are free to go and help themselves. Of course, these things are developed with friendship, and I think with tutoring. It's really too bad that etiquette classes were taken out of education, because I think in the West we are in great need of them. Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I would not go thru someone's cupboards or refrig. I do have a couple of friends who do feel free to do so in my home and I'm ok with it....we are that close and they are here enough that it is just ok. I have raised 4 kids and they all had friends that were comfortable enough here to help themselves. I was fine with it. I liked that they felt that welcome and comfortable in my home. Beyond that....with all of them...it would have just been one more thing on me to do to make sure they were not hungry or thirsty. I was raised with the thought that a good hostess or host always offers guests a drink or a snack. Anyone who is not a regular guest in my home is always offered a coffee or a cold drink and if they are visiting long enough, I will offer a snack or a sandwich.
2 people like this
@scififan43 (2438)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I was taught that the proper thing to do was to wait untill you were offered. If you are not offered any food or drink then that person my have there reasons. If you need someting you should simply ask. As for banning someone who helped themselfs to your food without asking, I do not think I would inviate them back.
2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I know exactly how that is. I have a few family members who doesn't give a person time to ask in they walk and straight to the kitchen they go to see what they can find to eat and drink It drives me batty since I don't ever and have never done it to them at their house. If it is a short visit then no I don't offer food but if they are there awhile then yes I will offer food unless they helped themselves already. I don't have alot to drink on hand just usually water or coffee or Sugarfree drink I have made up. But I would offer it. Would I ban, Not if family no..but if it was just a friend of a family member oh yeah...
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36471)
• United States
8 Apr 09
no, i would not help myself & would not go through anything. i would have offerd them something to drink.if i was thirsty or just wanted a cup of coffee i have friends that i wouldn't mind asking them just like they would me to.
2 people like this
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
8 Apr 09
It's a common practice to serve or offer a food or drinks to a visitor. However if no one comes to allow or offer you it would be unethical for a guest to help herself or go to cupboards and fridge. I would wait for them to offer, now if they don't, I would feel they're maybe financially hard up this time or they were caught unprepared, but that's alright, I won't feel bad. Anyway it seemed to be just a curtesy and not really an obligation to serve or offer guests food.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
8 Apr 09
Hey twoey! I would never get up and to through someones cabinets or refrigerator without permission no matter how close of a friend they were! If I was really thirsty I would ask them for a drink first! If the didn't respond, I would ask them again! If I was to far from my own home, the that would be a serious problem and I would have to ask them if I could have some water! If I was close enough to my own home I would just leave! I would never go into someones cupboards and help myself! I would much rather just leave!
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
10 Apr 09
I was always under the impression if one visited someone's home that one waited to be offered something, no matter what it was, food or drink, and not to help oneself. I wouldn't think much of a person who decided just to help themselves unless of course I did give them permission. My mother obviously never realized this form of etiquette though. Quite often in years past, when a neighbor of ours went away on vacation, she would ask my mother to pick up the mail...so that meant the neighbor had a spare set of keys and gave them to my mother. She trusted my mother, right? Well it wasn't long before that trust ended and the neighbor would have nothing to do with my mother. Why? Not only would my mother pick up the neighbor's mail, but would go into the apartment and help herself to cans of tuna in the shelf, tea, whatever. But then my mother did have "issues"
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
10 Apr 09
Yes, I can see where that would become an issue. I don't think I'd want to do that for someone b/c I'd worry that if something came up missing I'd be blamed. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
10 Apr 09
BTW, congrats on making 10000 posts...I'm not too far behind you LOL [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
10 Apr 09
I don't go through other people's cupboards except family. LIke if I go to grandma's I will help myself to a glass of water or even at my best friend's cause that's what she told me to do and I told her the same thing. She has came here and raided my fridge LOL.
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
9 Apr 09
Hi twoey...I was always taught too that when visiting, you wait for someone to offer food or drink. I dont get offended if they dont either, I just might not stay as long so I can visit the coffee shop down the street I would never go in anyones fridge or cupboards. Not even my parents or brothers unless I was told to. I do though sometimes tell my best friends or family to help themselves if they want something other than what Im offering, or if one makes a remark about something and I have it, I will say theres some in the fridge, help yourself.
@Porcospino (22364)
• Denmark
9 Apr 09
I would never just help myself in other people's homes, unless they told me that it was okay to do so. If it is a person that I know very well, I just ask for a drink, a cup coffee etc if they don't offer me anything, but if it is a distant acquaintance I wouldn't ask for a drink or food if they don't offer me anything. Close friends or relatives can help themselves in my kitchen and that is totally okay, but I would find it impolite if a distant acquaintance or a stranger did the same thing. I don't think that I would ban person from my home if (s)he did it, but I would find it kind of strange and impolite.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
9 Apr 09
My mother, sister or brother are the only people whose refrigerator I will go into without asking permission, they are my family. I do not have a problem if they were to go into my refrigerator without asking my permission. If it is someone else, they do not know me like that, and I would prefer they ask for something to drink or eat if they wanted something. My husband's cousin, who I really do not know well, would come to my house and go into my refrigerator and cabinets without asking, I think that was really rude of him to do that. I told my husband that I did not appreciate him doing that.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10688)
• United States
9 Apr 09
It is a lack of good manners and right conduct if you will do that even if it is the house of your relatives of close friends unless you ask permission and they will allow you to do that. There are some people who feel like their home when they visit someone's house. I do not like to have that kind of visitor. they must know how to respect the owner of the house. I will not do that unless it is my mother's house. hahaha...
• United States
9 Apr 09
twoey that is definitely a no-no for me. I will never just go into someone's fridge or cabinets. That's just plain rude. I don't even do that at my mom's house and please don't let me see someone do that in my house. I don't like that at all! Take care and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I wouldn't go through their cupboards, but if I was very thirsty I would ask them for a glass of water It is rather rude to visit and help yourself!
1 person likes this
@amanda333 (739)
• France
8 Apr 09
I would never help myself to anything in someone else house, I would always wait until I was asked. I think its only good manners to wait, but if visitors come to my house I would always ask them straight away if they want a drink are something to eat
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I would never do that. If I was thirsty I would just ask for a glass of water. I don't expect the people I visit to feed me. I think I would be pretty shocked too if someone started going through my cabinets.
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
8 Apr 09
I believe that most people would offer at least a drink of water if nothing else. I never go to someones home expecting any thing because I may not know what the circumstances are, perhaps they are low on food, or beverages. but most people will offer some water, and if thirsty I will ask for a glass of tap water but never never ask for more. When people come to my home if I do not know them, I will offer water but very seldom more than that, and if a friend drops in I will offer to share what ever I might eat with them. As for going through cupboards, most of the time I forget and leave mine open so they can see what ever is in them but I do not like people who would help themselves or snoop.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4216)
• United States
8 Apr 09
If it was one of my own children or grandchildren, I'd think nothing of it. But most of the time, they even ask. I would never go into someone's home that I wasn't kin to and VERY close to and help myself! I feel comfortable doing it in my daughter's home and at my mother's. And I always felt comfortable at my mother's sister's home getting what I wanted when we stayed a few days with her. But I knew the limitations!