Giving chores & getting the child to follow thru ?
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
United States
August 2, 2009 12:24pm CST
My oldest is almost 7. She feels I am her maid. I am sick of picking up their toys and tripping on them because once they are done with an activity they do not have to clean up after themselves. Now I ask her, you have to put things away in your classroom for your teacher & she says yes then I ask why don't you do that here? She has no answer & goes into a fit that "You make me do everything". Her only daily task now is to feed the cats in the morning... if I can get her to do that.I even asked her to pick up her toys and put them away she had a fit and ran into her room slamming the door. So I'm to pick up these toys everyday though they are not mine?? I do not care for the toys so I refuse to pick them up. I have had a teacher ask me why I refuse to buy more crayons for my child so she can do this or that. I told her I do not have money to keep replacing items she will not care for. I give her several containers to store crayons, pencils, paints ect in and where are all the contents???? On the floor, in the toy box, in the couch cushions and then when she has work to do at home she does not know where her supplies are. I'm sick of it! I told her if she doesn't do as she's told when school starts we will do some serious downsizing of their things.
I don't know what to do. I offer them change for helping out when I do not have to ask but that is not enough motivation. I know I'm not always consistant and when I am at work I don't think hubby gets on them enough if at all but I want them to be able to do things around the house, they do not need to be punished or paid everytime. As a friend of mine said... "No one pays me to clean the house why should I pay them" wich is true.
WWYD?
2 people like this
15 responses
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Aug 09
I am so glad to know that I am not alone in this situation. My daughter is six-years-old. Her bedroom is an absolute disaster area. I've been asking her to bring down her dirty laundry and put her clean clothes away since the beginning of summer break with no luck. We've asked her to clean her room so she can have friends come over to play, again with no luck.
We've offered her an allowance for keeping her room clean and also keeping the toys picked up in the main level of the house. We've told her that if she can remember to let the dogs out and keep them fed she can get another dog. We've offered and offered and offered, but it is all to no avail. I wish that I could offer you advice, but I am failing in this area as well.
It simply has to be a stage that they go through
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
2 Aug 09
Hi snugglebunnies, you are not her maid and need to put your foot down. Try explaining to her all the things you do for her, wash and iron her clothes, cook her meals, transport her around, clean the house, and then explain you are just trying to get her to do one thing back to make your life easier. Try and make it fun for her to help, try bribery. I used to tell my son he could not have something until he had done what I requested him to do and don't give in. If she wants to watch television rule it out until her things are tidily away, or any tactic like that that works. Just don't give in.
Then as you will want her to do more things to help as she gets older, to teach her responsibility, try to introduce things as fun to do, such as helping in the kitchen or sweeping a room in the house. Pretty soon she'll be your little helper. It ahs worked with my son although often he retorts with later but I've made that unacceptable, I explain that later he will be doing something else and won't be able to do that good thing if he hasn't done what he is being asked to do now. Good luck
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Aug 09
Well, if it were me, I'd start picking the things up, put them in a big black trash bag and put them in your room. When she wants them back tell her she has to earn it. As long as you do it for her, she'll keep leaving them all over. As for doing chores, I wouldn't pay her...that will eventually lead to you having to pay her for taking a shower, getting up or making her bed...all things she should be doing anyways. Instead offer a trade...she feeds the cat every morning without being asked and when she wants to go do something special, within reason, you'll agree to let her go...or offer to take her out for ice cream or something, just you or her, or let her have a friend stay over. Something she can earn. Kids have to be taught and the older they get the harder it is.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
@mflower2053 (3223)
• United States
5 Aug 09
My kids are young 2 and 4 but I think that they could pick up if they really wanted to but as my 4 year old tells me when I tell her to clean she doesn't have the entergy so everytime I clean up their toys something gets picked up where they can't play with it. Recently I even started bringing their toys to a consignment shop. This year for Christmas I am asking for passes to the zoo and things like that or clothes. They might not like it but I am tired of picking up the toys and they don't appreciate them anyway. They rather play with the diaper boxes. lol
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
3 Aug 09
I worked with a lady who really had a hard time like that with her kids. She got a giant plastic bucket and threw every toy that was left laying on the floor in it and stuck it out in the shed out back. Her kids had to earn them back. It is a little extreme, but it might work for her.
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
3 Aug 09
I am in your EXACT situation. My daughter turns 7 in a few weeks and getting her to help me around the house is darn near impossible. It drives me INSANE. All I ask is that she feed and water her pet and help me pick up. I don't even ask her to do it every day.
Example: I'm getting ready to clean the carpet in the living room. I'm on my hands and knees sweating getting toys and crap out of the floor and begging her for help. I finally had to go psycho on her and yell and threaten grounding her to get any help at all. And the help I did get honestly wasn't that great. ARRRGH!
The one thing she does pretty well with is helping with her little brother. I have a special needs son that is almost 2 and she's very helpful when it comes to dressing him, feeding him...etc... But I honestly believe the only reason she does that is because he's like her real life baby doll.
One thing that did work (and this is really mean and takes a whole lot of mommy strength) is when I started throwing her toys away. Puzzle pieces not picked up? No problem...they just get trashed. When I start picking up some of her favorite toys and tossing them in a trash bag she gets her butt in gear and does pretty much what I ask.
Good luck to ya and if you find the secret, PLEASE let me know. lol.
@Lushlie (572)
• United States
3 Aug 09
It was nice to log on this morning and see this discussion as I too am wondering how to get my daughter to help around the house. She is 6 and don't get me wrong she keeps her room clean most of the time but gets frustrated when I ask her for help with other things. I am currently 4 1/2 months pregnant and know that getting her help more now will help once the baby is here. I am going to have to remember this discussion so that I can come back and read the new responses and hopefully get some ideas to use myself.
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
2 Aug 09
I used to give my daughter an option. Either you clean up your room & put stuff away properly or I clean it up with a garbage bag. After having some of her favorite toys stuffed in a trash bag & hidden away for a while she got the point. There are some chores that she simply has to do. Others that I consider above & beyond her responsibility level I'll pay her for.
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
3 Aug 09
That's the Problem with Children .. They think they Can Get Anything From their Parents .. You Should Sit and Try To Make the Child Understand .. You Can talk To her about the Next house Kid doing things By Herself .. You Have to adjust You Can Do Nothing more .. They are after All Small kids .. Thank You ..
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
3 Aug 09
Do NOT pay them to do chores!! They must realize that certain things are expected of them and they do them for free. This will carry over into their adult lives.
When my kids didn't put things away, I confiscated the stuff. They didn't get it back till they picked up after themselves for a week-10 days. If they still didn't, the objects were given away to Salvation Army. That seemed to do the trick!
Remember that children are self-centered and it's your job to make them aware and to care about others' feelings. I well remember thinking my mom made me do everything--I even once accused her of having me just to do chores. Heck, I barely did anything! But it seemed to me as if I was doing everything. That's a child's perspective.
Remember, the consequences should fit the offense. Leave a toy out, lose it for awhile or permanently. Don't feed the cat? You don't get dinner then you'll know how the cat feels. Etc., etc. Believe me, it works better than time-outs (I was never a big fan of that) or corporal punishment.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
3 Aug 09
My kids have had chores since they were old enough to understand the meaning of the word, and I do not pay them one cent for doing them, never have and never will. We all live in this house together so we can all work together to keep it livable. The twins, who are 6, take out the recyclables, feed the cats, help fold laundry, put away their own laundry, clean their own rooms, and make their own beds, and of course clean up their own toys. They also help the little 2 pick up after themselves. The oldest has quite a few more chores, he has to wash the dining room table after meals, sweep the dining room after meals, change the cat litter, and take out the trash. He'll also help with laundry, and I've recently taught him how to change his brother's diaper and he'll get the baby drinks and such too. He's even recently begun doing dishes, but those aren't considered one of his chores and he only does them on rare occasions like today when we'd been busy all day and got home just in time for me to start cooking.
If they don't do their chores they will get punished, and their punishments change regularly. My oldest will lose his video games, but he almost always is grounded from those so sometimes I have to come up with new punishments. The twins usually just get yelled at or told to go to bed early, but they'll also lose TV priveledges for not doing what they should be doing... although I don't allow much TV to begin with, so it's pointless to take away something they don't already have.
@Shar19 (8231)
• United States
2 Aug 09
My daughter is the same age as yours. She also goes through the same thing and has her own little tantrums when I ask her to do something. She does have a chore that she does every day and that is to put away the clean silverware from the dishwasher. I also ask her to help out with other things like set the table, put shoes in the closet, help out with her younger brother. She gets $1 every Friday for doing her chores. If I feel that she didn't do enough that week then she won't get paid. If I ask her to do something and she has a snit then sometimes I'll let her slide and ask again later. If she still gives me a hard time then she gets the three second warning before she has to go into time out.
@gcorp09 (940)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
Well, my oldest kid is of the same age as yours. I used to have problems with this, but it's getting a lot better. For my kids, they also like to take out lots of toys to play, and when it's time to pack, they will always complain. However, for me, I will stick to it, and not be swayed by their complaining. In the early days, I will just be stern and watch them while they do all the picking up of the toys. When they start throwing their temper, I just told them that I will throw all the toys away if they do not want to pick them up. Well, this works for them, and they will pick them up.
Well, I do think that you will have to be strict with yours as well, and maintain your position that they have to keep their toys themselves.
@tweety007121 (57)
• India
3 Aug 09
Try to tell them that this house is as much their responsibility as yours, as they too live in it. It is not unusual for a seven year old to shy away from work but you have to keep trying. It is this time that you can teach them even if they don't want to learn. Things will be tougher as time passes by and they grow older.
@ElicBxn (63252)
• United States
2 Aug 09
I knew a lady who after having major fights with her kids, just swept them all up and threw them away. When the kids got upset, she told them they were in the trash (not with food trash & in a smaller bin for them to get out if they wanted them) and if they wanted them they would have to get them out before trash day and put them away.
She also warned them that if they didn't put them away they would go out on trash day. It only took one load going out to get them to be better about putting stuff away.
And, no, she didn't replace the stuff.
if they didn't want it enough to get it out, obviously it wasn't wanted enough
