She Really IS after my Girlfriend's Husband

@cynthiann (18619)
Jamaica
September 23, 2009 5:02pm CST
You may remember that I posted about a month ago that this new lady at Church is after my GF's husband but I had no proof. I did not and do not trust her. She is forever hugging me and telling me how great I am and I want to tell her that I can see right through her. I did try to warn my GF by remarking how 'friendly' she was to her husband but my GF said in in real surprise, that in all the years she has known me (over 20) she had never heard me be unkind to anyone and why did I not just welcome her like everyone else is doing? So that put an end to that conversation! Then my GF and I went on the cruise together with other friends. To my surprise I learnt last Saturday that the 'lady' is now working at our Church part time four days a week and is receiving a salary. Guess who recommended her to the new Priest for the job? That's right. My GF's husband. And guess who is at the Church frequently because he is in charge of the finances of the church? that's right. My GF's husband. The lady has just sold her SUV to help clear some debts and so she is without transport, and as she lives in my gated community, when she asked me for a drive down in the mornings I had to agree to take her. This morning she mentioned what a sweetie the husband is and how he is going to help her get a smaller car. I really wonder if I am being tested because I so hate women who go after other women's husbands, and I wanted to slap her hard and tell her to stop her foolishness. So I played her game and said that yes he was a wonderful husband and father! I don't want to give her a lift four days a week but if I don't then my friends will think that this is odd. There has never been a hint of scandal before so why is the husband succumbing to a lady's charms and he must be close to 70! He is such a fool. This person will take so much of his money - and he is loaded. Unbelievably rich and has done so much in our community. She doesn't want to get married but she wants money, money , money. What would you do if you were me?
5 people like this
20 responses
@Hatley (164471)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Sep 09
hi cynthiann if I were you after allyou have said here I would get'yoiur girlfriend's husband aside andsuggest that his so called'friend is out to not only break up his marriage but' line her pockets with his money, this is so sad to see, i dont'know what happens to some supposedly intelligent men in their 70's who'succumb to a prettier and younger woman who is obviously' a gold digger. what is up with them?
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
23 Sep 09
He is normally a very quiet and reserved man. I know that their marriage is not the greatest but they have been married for over 40 years and have one son and 2 grands. I have no direct proof but I have noticed the glances and the touching etc.I am praying that my GF will notice and trust me, she will know how to deal with her. I am not brave enough to face the husband without proof. He would tell my GF and then they would be against me for suggesting such a thing. I think that I should hold off a little. Bless you for your response. she dosn't want to break up the marriage - she just wants the money. On eof th first things I remember her saying is that she wants a rich boyfriend. She is in her early 50's. A very attractive pretty woman. She is at their house all of the time
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Sep 09
You tried saying something and it didn't work. Your instincts are probably right, but what can you do other than keep an eye out? Either that or introduce her to a rich, single man that you don't like...
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
23 Sep 09
No, I looked at the Breadfruit tree and it doesn't bear rich, single men!! I just know that I am right. My GF told me that her husband is at Church a lot as there is so much to do. Yeh, right. The Priest is not there most of the time because has two parishes to run. So she is on he own in the office!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Sep 09
Introduce her to your boss? But seriously I just don't know how much you can do if: 1. Your GF doesn't want to hear it and 2. The husband doesn't seem to want to stay away Talk to the priest maybe? idk Dawn is not much help today...
2 people like this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I say tell your GF. Either that or threaten the wanna be cheater. I hate cheaters!!
3 people like this
@kprofgames (3103)
• United States
23 Sep 09
I think I'd have my eyes and ears open for a while and see what more you can find out. Everytime you're in a car with her comment on how much your friend and her husband mean to you as friends and that you would do anything to protect them. This let her know that you are not playing around. I would watch her reaction to these comments too. I agree with you saying what a wonderful father and husband he is. Might also say how much he is devoted to his wife. It's word games this I know, but if she doesn't want you to give her a ride anymore then you know that she knows you see right through her.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
23 Sep 09
You have a good point there. She has made friends with someone else at Church and so she double dates with my GF and her husband. But she is just using the guy as camouflage so she can be around my GF's husband. She already mentioned that she will not marry the BF because he doesn't have money. You see how she is? I will put in the devoted to his wife etc. This pretty woman is not a good person at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 09
LOL, maybe you and your spouse should be included in this little circle, you now what I mean? So you can monitor and then shut down any inappropriate behavior she's having or have such a reaction to her being so touchy feely that your friend starts to see her as more then just 'friendly'.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
I wish that I could - but I am a widow. I did say today how much they are devoted to each other. Zbecause she just can't stop calling his name. i AM NOT GOOD AT THIS WORD PLAY BUT i WILL DO IT FOR MY FRIEND.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
24 Sep 09
Hey cynthiann! Wow! And this is supposed to be a "church lady"? Yeah right! You were right about her Cyn! All the way for sure! It's a trainwreck that is on it's way! It's not going to be something your friend is ever going to be able to believe until it is way too late! The worst part of it all is this woman is using the Church for her disgusting little "ho down"! I haven't known you long, but the one thing I do know about you is you are a real Lady and honest as the day is long! I feel badly that you are put in this position and there isn't anything you can do unless you confront this beotch and tell her you know exactly what she is up to!
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
You would have to read my reply to rocket - I set it all out in my response to her earlier today. This women is unbelievable, She is using our little Church - we only have 150 members and do so much charity work in our area. Now she is being paid for what volunteers used to do. It is so disgusting. It is less than five mins away from my work so perhaps I will drop by to see how she is getting on!
@katsmeow1213 (29044)
• United States
24 Sep 09
That's absolutely terrible! I personally would let it be known how much I dislike her, and if people ask why tell the truth, because she's flirtatious with married men! See I'm not the type to pretend to like someone when I don't. I can be polite and pleasant when I have to, but I won't ever pretend to be someone's friend if I'm not. I also do my best to avoid speaking to people who do things I don't agree with, because to me I feel like I'm condoning their behavior if I befriend them and don't say anything about what they do.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
No, I am not pretending to be a friend. I refused an offer for us to go to the movies tonight this morning. I am finding this very hard to cope with., I am wondering if my friend did take notice and is keeping her close to observe her behavior with her husband. This morning she also mentioned the husband and how kind he is and I replied that he was a devoted husband and father and id she notice the new diamond jewellery that the had given to his wife last mother's day. I will say something in joke to the husband to let him know that people (well- me) have noticed. I think that she has noticed that I have noticed and this is why she is being so friendly to me.
• United States
24 Sep 09
I think you're being far too subtle, and also too kind. I would not for a moment believe that this woman needed my kindness. I'd flat out tell her that I don't approve of her being flirtatious with a married man and until she stops doing so, that I'll have nothing to do with her, that includes driving her in every morning. I'd also flat out tell the friend what's going on, in a not so subtle way.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
Kat, I am between a rock and a hard place. Honestly. I hope to God she gs her own car soon. She went into town to collect the money for her SUV so she should be able to gt a second hand one soon. She said that the husband would help her as of his many businesses was owning a string of garages. He is now retired. I don't want to be her friend or drive her in the mornings. The sad thing is that I am the only one who is seeing through her - everyone would think that I had lost my mind. She is so so good at saying the right thing to everyone that they like her so much. I would end up being ostracized and I do a lot of charity work with my friends. I will try and not be so subtle with her and see if it gets through to her that I am on her case
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
24 Sep 09
Hey cyn, I just read your first post on this and you are certainly in a bad place. We are all different and react differently to things but I believe in honesty. When I found out my first husband was cheating on me, more than once with more than one person, I was so angry that I called my best friend and asked her if she had cheated with my husband. She was hurt but understood when I told her that the main woman he was cheating with was a very good friend of mine, I thought. If it were me, I would want to know. Even if you suspect something of your husband, and have no proof, then you live in a kind of hell not knowing for sure. Like someone said, tell her and let her decide what to do. If the truth is too much for her, at least you did what was right. No one has the right to cheat on the person they are suppose to love. If their marriage splits because of this woman, then your friend can take his money before the b!tch does. Leenie
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
I have bneen thinking about my friend and her reaction when I tried to warn her. She is Chinese Jamaican and her upbringing was not to show any emotion publicly. Perhaps she has seen but is keeping her enemy close? I don't know but this could be a possibilibty. I am going to make a joke of it with her husband just to let him know that people (well - me) are aware of what she is trying to do. This is so awful
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I wish you luck. Let both him and the b!tch know you are watching.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
I JUST SO LIKE YOU
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
24 Sep 09
Well, I would probably mention something to my friend again, and I would suggest to her that she spoke with her husband about it. If she didn't take it seriously, I would then talk to her husband about it. Actually... if I were annoyed enough about the situation, I might point blank ask the lady about it, during one of those daily trips in the car - in MY car... where she wouldn't be able to squirm or get away from me. Oh I wouldn't be mean... but I would be extremely close to the point, mentioning my GF and her husband and how long they've been married, maybe some things about their kids, and the fact that I would likely share all the gossip with everybody in the church if she were to do anything unsavory. That doesn't mean I would for sure, but it would serve as a warning, and as a new member, I dont' think she'd want the scandal. I am not a mean person, however, I am loyal to my friends and I don't take interference in relationships lightly with my friends. I have a close friend and if I ever actually caught her husband cheating since we have suspected, I'd bring that hammer down faster on him than anything. He'd never get away with it and he'd probably have a lot of future time ruined because everybody he knew would know, I'd make sure. Can't run from infidelity claims if they are proven to be true, especially if you are embarrassed about it! Also, if I didn't want to give someone a ride, I probably wouldn't lol. I dare say I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut and it would be better for me to not drive her places than for me to say something evil to her.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
I wish that I had your courage. At this point she would bat her eyes and ask how could I eve think of anything like this and then tell everyone of my accusations. I do so know what you mean and I do so agree with you. I need to watch her though and plan what to do. I will maybe speak to my friend again - a little more pointedly. I do appreciate your advice. Blessings
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
25 Sep 09
LOL! Everybody has it in them to be courageous. Trust me. You will figure out something, I know you have been giving this a lot of thought. If you ever need advice, feel free to ask directly, I'll answer any question! I've had lots of experience with strange people.
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
24 Sep 09
Can you talk to your priest about it? Tell him how you feel and what you feel you see. It sounds like this is going to drive you mad before it's over, and hopefully you won't lose a friend out of it! The gf's husband may just being friendly and doesn't realize that the woman is just using him. It's sad when you come across this, or the very least hear about this. You say she's new to the church, but is she new to the community? I don't remember if you had said that or not.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
You are so right. I forget how youn you are because you are so wise. Regeretfully, i cannot talkk to my Priest as he is new to my country adn doe snot speak English very well. Things are so strange for him right now trying to learn the culture that it would be hard for him to understand. She owns a house in my community but came to live in it permanently last Easter. She knows the area but has not lived here full time before. It is a torture to pick her up each morning. Is your wedding this Saturday? Please let me know.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I'm sorry it took me a few days to get back to you. I appreciate your comment of me being so wise, but I really don't think so! Lol! There are tons of things I know nothing about and am not afraid to admit it! I hope that your Priest does get settled in, and with not speaking English it must be hard for him to be understood and understand. He's got a lot to learn, and so much more to teach! Yes, My wedding was on Saturday. Everything went well, I can't say it went off without a hitch as someone took a camera we had. We've looked everywhere for it, and we're pretty sure who took it. Not to worry (the inlaws keep saying), but we are! lol! Photos haven't been developed yet! I started a discussion about the wedding, don't remember if you've responded so don't know if you've seen it! We don't feel any different, I don't think it's really sunk in! The term "in laws" sounds so wrong... almost to the point of meanness, rudeness, or disrespect. I'm not sure why I feel that way but there's so much negativity connected to the term with so many people, I don't feel that way at all. There like my parents really, I love them.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
23 Sep 09
I have always heard where there is smoke there is fire & u had her number right from the first. I don't know of anything u can do, Cynthi. Sounds like she has done a snow job on everybody. It will all come out in the open sooner or later & your gf is going to be very hurt unless she soon sees what's going on & puts a stop to it. She doesn't want to see the obvious. She doesn't want to admit to anything that will change her life style. It's a very sad thing that old fool can't see what she's after. As i told u before no fool like an old fool that's being flattered by a woman.Wish your gf could see the light but i don't think she wants to.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
It's like I am the on one who can see her true colours. Everyone thinks that she is so charming. Her past is very unsavoury but that would an should be not held against her. Everyone deserves a second chance and a third chance too! I do know that she and ex were mixed up in what we call out here the 'Pharmaceutical' trade. She was used to the high roller coaster living of excitement and the rest of stuff that goes with that. I knew it before she gave her sanitised version to her now new friends at Church. Her past is her past but I know that she still wants just money. How do I know this? Because that is all she ever talks about with me. Her need of money. And a rich boyfriend. So she hasn't changed. But boy, can she turn on the tears at Church and make everyoine sympathise with her and help her. Anyway, God sees.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
25 Sep 09
I just hope it doesn't end up in heartbreak for your friend.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I have seen this happen too many times.....a younger woman goes for the rich guy with one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel....and it's a sorry mess...he is not thinking with his mind you know.....so don't know what you can do....I can't be of help on this one unless you get an opportunity to slyly get the old man's attention about what he's headed for.....
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
Your description made me laugh and I needed that laugh today. Thank you so much for the laugh. I had not heard that description before and it is so funny. I feel some of the tension leaving me. Men are so STUPID. Definitely not thinkng with his mind!
• United States
24 Sep 09
I would definately say something descreetly to the husband or to your girlfriend about how this looks and that people are beginning to talk. Tell her that you only care for her and are trying to let her know that there are suspicions and rumors. If they say nothing then perhaps you should speak to your priest and explain your concerns.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
The Priest is out as he is new and English is not his first language so there is a barrier here. I will think about it more but so so appreciate your suggestions.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
Hi cynthiann. You said it right, women who are running after somebody else's husband is really a thick face. It could really be that she is only after the money. You can reiterate it with your girlfriend. I know that it is better that she learned of it from a friend than from the gossip running around. I know that she will be hurt by it, but she has to accept it and hopefully to come up with a right decision.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
Yes, I am going to have to say something more so she is alert - but I sometimes wonder if she has noticed and is keeping an eye on her.
• United States
24 Sep 09
It all sounds mighty suspicious, however these are older people you are talking about and is it possible this is really just an innocent friendship? It is hard to know for me since I am not there to see what you are talking about. Sometimes a person just knows what they know. My best advice to you is to pray. Your friend is obviously not concerned with the situation even though she was surprised because you never say bad things, (that should have been clue number one to her that you might be right) I once had a similar situation though it was a ( I hate to say this) a man after my husband! My husband did not notice but I sure did! He would have thought me paranoid if I had said a word, so I did the next best thing I prayed that if I were right this man would never darken my doorstep again. Guess what? Despite living right next door he never came to the house or even spoke to my husband again! When all else fails pray, pray that your friend or her husband sees the truth of this woman, or that if she does have evil intent that she is moved from their lives. It does not have to be complicated or anything, keep it simple and let God take care of it.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
Thank you for sharing with us. No way is this an innocent friendship.I am praying so hard that it wil come to light. I do not know if it is an affair yet but I do know that she is receiving money from an unknown source and her credit cards are being paid. What a horrible experience you had! I also believe in the power of prayer and of good against evil. This will surface eventually. she is just using everyone.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I would tell your friend what this woman is doing for sure and I may even confront that man also and tell him how obvious things are. I hate women who try to break up relationships and marriages also. I do not like to play that game either.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
A post earlier than your also suggested that I let something slip to the husband. I am going to think of what to say - and I will say it in a joking way that would be acceptable to him.
@anniefannie (1743)
• United States
24 Sep 09
i would just come out and ask her and i would say something to the husband to find out what is going on she might be wanting his money and he needs to know some men fell mocho that a younger woman wants his attention and he doesn not know what is going on
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
This is a good idea. I am going to come out with something to the husband in a joke. I will think about this more. Blessings dear friend.
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
23 Sep 09
That's a tough one. Maybe you can help her find some rich young stud.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
I don't know any!
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
24 Sep 09
If it were me, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. I wouldn't be giving her lifts and I wouldn't care what everybody else thought about me. She's not doing right at all and one of these days the church will see this. I don't hate anybody. I just don't always like the way they do. Kathy.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
I think that I am going to make it into some kind of joke with the husband to let him know that it has been seen. Oh yes, the Church will see it one of these days but if they don't then God sees it.
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
24 Sep 09
This is so true! There's going to be a judgment day one of these days. Kathy.
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I wish I could be a little fly on the wall when you make this into a joke, lol! Kathy.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
22 Nov 09
As hard as it is sometimes to hold ones peace, I have learnt that when it comes to relationships its best to just say whats on your mind then leave it alone. Saying whats on your mind as to sometimes come with tact and timing. In the end though it cant be said that you knew and said nothing. Women sonehow tend to get offensive and deny certain things only for the truth to come tumbling down later on. Atleast that as been my observation.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
22 Nov 09
The situation remains the same and i have not said anything to my GF.
@KrauseHome (35514)
• United States
25 Sep 09
Well, sounds like before jumping to 100% of a conclusion that this is really what is happening, it sounds like you really need to somehow confront this woman and ask her what her intentions are and then go from there. Maybe she is just seeking out friends, and your stories are mixed, but if she is really trying to go after your Girlfriend's husband maybe you can do something to Stop some of these thoughts as well. Personally until you feel you are a Big threat to the relationship between you and your Girlfriend, I would just continue to be kind and just do your best to befriend her, etc. as well.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
25 Sep 09
I am going to watch her for a while and see. That is the best for now. I so appreciate your comments but every bone in my body tells me that this women is trouble.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Sep 09
Wow! You are really in the middle of this, aren't you? I really can feel for you! I can't imagine having to give her a ride every morning! I rather think that there is really nothing you can do about this. If you are worried about her working at church, you could go to whomever would be in charge of hiring in the church and just voice your concerns. Tell them that you are just uneasy about this person. Not that she should be fired, but just that there is something not "above board" to you about her. If this administrator is someone who knows and trusts your opinion, you would just be seen as giving them a "heads up". As far as the friend and her husband situation goes, I'm not sure there is really anything you can do at all. I would pay attention though to what she chats about. She may let something slip that would be something your friend should hear about, but other than that, I can't imagine that there is more that you can do. Let's hope she gets a new car soon!
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
24 Sep 09
The saga continues. This morning she said what a wonderful man ***** was and I replied that he was wonderful - such a devoted husband and father and did she notive the new diamond earrings that he had given his wife for mother's day? mI am listening hard and watching the moves that she is making. This morning she also invited me to go to the movies with her but I gracefully decline saying that my son arrives this evening from London. She is so trying to be friends with me as I am close to the wife. It is awful. Our Priest is new and English is not his first language so what I say could be easily misinterpreted and this worries me. Then last night, the man that she is dating from our Church called me and asked if I thought that the Lady was serious about him. I was speechless! I told him that I did not know and that he should speak to her. He said I thought that she may have told you as you are such a close friend of hers as she is always saying how much she admires you and how you are helping her with her walk in the Lord. She is such a hypocrite. She is just trying to become a close Friend to me because she suspects that I know her true colours. He past is very unsavoury but both you and I know that everyone can receive a second chance with Jesus and she can walk with the Lord. Regrettably, she is not sincere and is using the Church with its limited resources to pay her whereas before it was all volunteer work. She is using everyone and I appear to be the only line with my blinkers off who is not impressed with her 'pity me' pleas for help. She could sell her jewellery - I did when my husband was sick. she is so talented in cooking, baking, and flower arranging. She could make a living right out of her house. Oh I am so cross about this. Forgive me.