Our house is in foreclosure. He's gone too far this time.

Good luck.

Well, the other house is in my name only and it is totally paid off. All I have to do is pay the taxes each year and they are only $320.00 per year. I can handle that. The reason I haven't left before this was because I do love this house and he has been easier to get along with since we talked about his issues with my kids. I may still love him but that is not enough of a reason for me to stay. I would love to see him get help for his demons and become a happy person but I have no intention of sticking around to see if he does. Actually, I honestly don't feel anything for him right now. I've been picturing myself in my other house, alone, and I'm not unhappy. Actually, I know I'll be happy away from him. No more stress, no more disappointment, no more negativity. I've been thinking about this for awhile now. I knew it would come to us separating but I didn't know it would happen this way! The only thing I didn't know was when and where. Well, his inability to be a man has helped me to know when and where. All I've been doing is waiting for my disability benefits to start. I was finally approved at the end of August but have not yet seen any benefits. I will need some kind of income and the disability payments will be plenty for me to live on in that other house. I just hope they start soon!

Do you have any support? Someone to help you move?

I plan to get everything I can from him, Pam. I've earned everything he has and then some for putting up with his BS all these years. Yeah, I know a divorce judge won't have any pity on him because of the way he has treated me, especially with me being disabled. If I take him for all I can, maybe he won't be doing this to anyone else in the near future. Moving is a pain in the butt but I have been mentally preparing for it for some time now. That's why it's not a shock. The only thing I will be sad about is that I love this area and my other house is 250 miles south of here. But, a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do, huh? I'm looking at this with a positive attitude. I know I'll be much happier once I'm out of here.

Hi kidd, thanks. I've actually been seeing this coming for awhile now. I just didn't know that he could be so irresponsible since he preaches responsibility to my kids (his stepkids) so often. They're adults and on their own now but my husband has had a chip on his shoulder regarding my boys since we moved here 2 1/2 years ago. I'm also surprised that it didn't go into foreclosure sooner. I even said that to my husband when I opened the letter from the mortgage company last week. Maybe it took so long because of the massive amount of foreclosures already taking place and they're just now catching up to us. Luckily, the other house is only in my name. This house is in both our names. But, as I am unable to work and do not buy anything on credit, I'm not worried about my credit taking a dive because of this. Oh, I'm plenty pissed at him, believe me. I'll definitely be seeing him in court and he won't like it. He does keep a lot to himself but I've been asking him throughout the past 6 months if we're okay with the bills because of the additional $600.00 on the mortgage payments. He has kept saying that everything is fine. He just told me, when I IMed him in Chicago, that he'll take care of this and it will never happen again. Right. I've already had the electric guy come to the door to turn off our electricity. The money was sitting in the bank and he paid the man on the spot but it should never have come to that. He's proven to be an extremely irresponsible person. He's lied to me. He's put me through hell regarding my sons who are both responsible people and have always treated him with respect. He doesn't like them coming over. There's way too much disappointment in this marriage for me. It's going to be a pain to move again but at least I do have a place to move to. That house is paid off. All I owe are taxes which are reasonably low. He will NOT be going with me. I'm tired of his BS and his excuses. It is time to move on and I'm ready.

I got alimony by proving my ex's wasteful expenditures and his total disregard for providing for our future. I think you have a good case here, combined with your disability and physical inability to control the finances--stress, etc. Get a GOOD lawyer! I had to sell my jewelry, artwork collected over 40 years and other precious things in order to pay my attorney fees and it was worth every penny. Don't get a cheap lawyer! A good divorce attorney is worth every cent he charges. And save your money, dear. I just wiped out my savings account to meet the latest assault from my ex looking to reduce his payments because he can't manage his money. He can take his new wife and her family out to dinner at a high class restaurant but he wants me to take less money after 20 years of staying home and raising our sons. Be prepared for this down the road, they never learn because money defines them.

the earthquake and the tsunami did not even noticed over here. the last storm that devastated large part of the Luzon island also did not give us something to worry about. although my relatives there told me that our house almost ate up by the flood waters. we are safe here but people from luzon area are still recovering from the last storm. bad news though, that another super typhoon is already in almost the same area now, as reported by the weather bureau. we already feel the cold gusty wind over here, but no sign of rain. i hope this one will not affect the same areas that the last one had affected. i am glad though, that you have decided to leave and started packing things. what my wife though said, "marti had done it earlier and not this time" when the damage is already big (in terms of the house mortgage). she also said that, with your husband's treatment to your sons, the privacy he wants, not allowing them to visit you or to stay with you, is in the first place, not acceptable to her. but anyway, the damage has done. let's just hope for the best, for you and your sons.

Hi Neil. I'm so glad to see you here! I've been worried about you since hearing about the tsunami, then the earthquake, then the typhoon headed your way. It's almost too much for me to take in! I'm going to be fine. I won't do or say anything until I get that money from disability. Well, I will be packing things that he won't notice before then. I am excellent with money and know how to make a little bit last a long time. I still feel as strongly as ever about helping Zayzay so don't worry about that. It won't hurt me at all, financially. The other house I own is fully paid for so I won't have to worry about monthly payments. Yes, this house is the one I put $100,000.00 down on. I will be losing that but it's worth it to lose that money than to have to stay here with my husband. He is horrible with money. If he has it in his hand, he's going to spend it on himself. He has also insisted that I live the way he wants me to. You know how he has been about my sons. I have not even been able to develop any friendships here because of the way he insists on his privacy. Besides, I will be taking him to court for a divorce and spousal support. He earns plenty of money so I should get everything I want. I will do just fine, much better than I have been doing. I know I'll be much happier with a lot less stress in my life. And, I won't have to worry about his bad attitude when I'm with my sons anymore. That alone is worth leaving him for. This may be the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.

Thank you, paula. I do feel like this will be a fresh start. I love this house but he has made sure that it is not a home. It's not worth the aggravation for me to stay. I'm actually rather anxious to get out of here now so I can start enjoying my life. I've put up with far too much from him and it's time to move on. Your sister's ex sure does sound like my husband. He makes over $80,000.00 a year and we have very few debts. The main ones are this house and his truck. He had the money to pay off his truck when he sold his old house but he didn't. He blew all his money on stupid things. He bought me an ATV. I didn't want an ATV. I never asked for an ATV. I never even showed any interest whatsoever in an ATV. It is sitting in the garage now. So are two gas push mowers. The idiot bought two push mowers to cut about 2 acres of grass. One was not self-propelled so he bought one that was. He still didn't keep the grass cut. I bought a rider mower with my money. Yeah, my husband is an idiot, too. I was thinking about taking over paying the bills before I found out about the foreclosure. Now, forget it. Not with all the other crap I've put up with. I'll be much happier away from him.

I think I've actually figured out why he has done this. He wants me to use my money to pay the mortgage. I should be getting a very large check from disability very soon. I think he wants me to have no money of my own and be totally dependent on him so that I won't leave him. It's a shame that he can't see that doing the right thing is what would make me stay instead of trying to keep me as a prisoner. I know he won't want to move to my other house. It's 250 miles from here and he won't leave his job. He's been bragging to me about how much they like him there ever since he got the job, back in April. His ego won't let him quit. I also know that he wants me to stay with him. I know why he wants that. I've been taking care of HIM financially. I've come into quite a lot of money since he and I were married, about a quarter of a million dollars. I have none of it now because I was blind to his leeching it out of me. I spend very little on myself. Since he has told me many times that it's his job to take care of me and, since he had not done that, I'm getting out of this marriage and away from this man with so many mental issues. I know I'll be a lot happier and have so much less stress in my life once I leave him and am on my own. I'm actually looking forward to it!

I think that you are doing what is best for you and that is the right thing to do. If he really cared about things, in my opinion, at least, he would have been doing everything he could to make sure that everything was taken care of. I think that you have been very patient and very forgiving, but we all have our limit. Just remember, you are a very strong woman and you can do just fine without him there dragging you down. It sounds to me like you have been trying to do all you can and he has taken advantage of you a lot. I am just glad that you do have another home to go to. I can't help but wonder if he thinks that since you do have the other house, it isn't a big deal.

Hi, Jhaszy. Welcome to myLot! We really are a great bunch of people here and I hope you really enjoy your time here. My husband has proven to me that he is incapable of coming to his senses. I've had nothing but problems since we've been married so I'm very happy to be leaving this marriage. I've tried to sell some things that he bought but, with the economy so bad, it looks like no one is buying anything they don't need. When I get the money that is coming to me from Social Security, I will be moving out of here and divorcing my husband. He's caused me nothing but grief. He has made my life miserable, for the most part. He hates it when my sons (his stepsons) come by to visit. He doesn't want me to spend any money, even though he buys whatever he wants. He already owes me $100,000.00 and now he wants me to pay the mortgage. He makes over $80,000.00 a year so there should be no reason why he can't pay it. Besides, he is now trying to blame me for his not paying the bills. He always tries to blame others for his mistakes. I'm tired of it and just want out of this marriage.

maybe she should not have trusted so much and should have gotten involved and asked questions, but it's still a breach of faith.

As I said it should be a joint thing, If It was some phone contract or something that was just one of you then fine but a mortgage is for both of you. If you were living with a friend you would both make sure you had the rent at the end of the month so why not a married couple?

Oh, geez, leenie! I had no idea it was that bad for you! I hope and pray that you'll get the help you need! From what I've been reading and hearing lately, the economy is starting to turn around, finally! I hope this means that your husband will find work very soon. I know how depressing it can be when you can't find a job. My husband has "fixed" things, at least temporarily, so our house is no longer in foreclosure. Of course, he's strutting around here like he just created the universe or something. Don't worry, he's not getting any of my money. He's already gotten way too much from me with his false promises of paying it back, so the bank is closed... to him, at least. He won't touch a penny of it. I did tell him that I'm tired of being punished for what his parents did to him when he was young. It made him stop and do some thinking, although I doubt it did any good in the long run. I'll hang on to my money, keeping it out of his reach, and do what needs to be done. He's scared right now. I guess he can see the strength in me that I've just acquired and it's scaring him. He knows that he has screwed up now. Whether or not he does something about it is up to him. I just don't care anymore. He seems to know that. He's spent more time trying to talk with me, you know, just small talk kind of stuff. I've been quiet, mainly because I really have nothing to say to him. It's scaring him but that's too bad. He went too far this time and there's no taking it back. Right now, I'm just biding my time until I'm ready for the big change. For you, now, geez! It's my time to worry about you! Please keep me updated on what's happening! I do so hope that things get straightened out for you guys and you husband can find work soon. I know how hard it is because my youngest son has been unemployed for a year now and has put in applications everywhere he can. He's done some side work which has helped but had to apply for whatever he could get from Social Services. They were only able to give him food stamps but that has certainly helped! I'm so thankful that his brother is willing and able to take care of him until he can get back on his feet. Man! You know, I've lived a long time now and can't ever remember it being so bad, economy-wise. But, like I said, it does look like the economy is taking a turn for the better so I hope that everyone who has been seriously affected by it is able to get back up on their feet. If there's anything I can do for you, leenie, let me know, okay? I may not be able to help but might know where you could turn for help. Love ya, too! Marti

Sweetie, Just knowing that you are doing well is all that I need. Just keep me posted as things go along. That will help me keep from worrying about you.

Thank you SO MUCH, commander and CD! That is such a sweet and generous offer. I can stay with my son if it comes down to that. There's enough money in the bank now so I could put my things in storage if I need to. He won't take the money out if he doesn't know I'm planning to leave and I have no intention of telling him until I'm ready and have money of my own. If I don't get the money from disability today, I'll call them and explain about the mortgage and my urgent need to get it as soon as possible. It might help. But, this is the government who doesn't give a crap about us little peons. I'll be okay. He won't follow me. He'll be too embarrassed. I know him well enough to know that he'll just slink off into the darkness like a rat and hope no one follows him. He'll probably go running to his sister. He's probably been giving her money lately because she quit her job. Yeah, stupidity runs in their family. That may be why there's not enough money to pay the mortgage. Well, partly, anyway. He spends money like he has it. He won't want to live with me at this other house because he won't quit his job and it is 250 miles away from this house. Nah, he'll slink off, probably to his sister's place and tell her all kinds of stories about how nasty I am. He'll most likely think that I'll move with him and rent somewhere closer to where he works. I'll let him think that as long as I can. But, once my money comes in, I'm so outta here! I'll take him to court, too, for a divorce and alimony.

Buy him a 6-pack and a bag of potato chips before you leave; smile and say: "Here's a thank you present for all that you've given me, and for the years of dedication you've given to our marriage. I think this just about summs it up." Perhaps THEN, he'll get the hint that things aren't so "cozy" anymore? cdrxo

Thanks, artistry. I'll pass that info on to my husband when he gets home. I doubt he'll go for it, though, because in a very warped way, his pride will prevent him from trying to save the house or prevent the foreclosure. His MO is to slink off into the darkness without a word.

Oh, man, I know they take forever! I've been fighting them for approval for 7 years! I've been unable to work since April 2000! I was finally approved a month ago for benefits going back to April 2000. I will take half the money out of the bank. He won't try to keep it from me if he doesn't know what my plans are and I have no intention of telling him anything until I'm ready to, after I get my money. I know he's plenty scared right now. He doesn't want me to leave him and he's screwed up big time this time. I might have to tell him that I'll pay the mortgage when my money comes to make sure he doesn't get suspicious but I have no intention of helping him out ever again. I'm the one who is disabled. He makes over $80,000.00 a year, for cripes sake! I'm very glad that I had this week without him being here because it has helped me to get my thoughts straight and cover all angles. I'll be just fine.

...Hi mentalward, I wish you well, one question, do you think he will leave any money in your joint account? I would take whatever you think you need, before he gets there and raids the whole thing, or I would slowly take small amounts out. I am thinking he won't be as generous as you think he will and leave money sit there in the bank.You decide. But I would want some money for myself. Hope your disability comes through soon. I went for four months without income, while I was waiting for my disability, when I fell down some steps and messed up my back. They take forever. Take care.