Always find yourself settling for less?

win win situation, winning, self esteem - Win win situation is a wise moves to end as a winner even in the middle of difficulties.
Philippines
January 22, 2010 10:24am CST
It is a good feeling to make other people happy and yet when they insist to be always as your first priority, it is then they are becoming demanding. Such as when people demand too much of your time or after you give them all the favor they even refuse to thanks you in return or give you the credit which due that you feel on the losing ends. What are your game plan to end in a win-win situation without falling as a victim and still remain as nice as possible, while fighting for your rights. Do you know to survive in a sticking situation without ending as a loser? Do you have any ideas? Kindly shares your thoughts. thanks. 1-23-10
6 people like this
17 responses
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
most of the time because i am kind which always been abuse now i feel smart and know to defend myself to other people who abuse me. i make sure that i know where to stand for as long as i know i am on the right side, i would not hesitate to fight when i see that the other person is guilty. i make him realize he is wrong and not me.
2 people like this
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi fantasticbabe, yeah, being kind is not right too as you are open to abuses most of the time and I think to avoid it their is a need to stand on one ground when you know your right position. saying yes is not obligatory most of the times and saying no should be done when you think the proposal is full of trickery. thanks.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I always beleive I come out on top. that way I feel as if I have always won lololol
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
hi lakota, Very good!
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
22 Jan 10
thanks!
• United States
22 Jan 10
I am always in this position. I always make myself the loser as well. i hav eto learn to get a back bone and be strong. If I can do this maybe it will be better for me. I give and give and give. Then people just take and take and take. This year however I am working on changing this.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (135042)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jan 10
gifts like my hubby used to tell me,use the magic word , it is spelled n o, no. Just learn to say no. No I cannot help you, no I cannot bake that cake for the church, no sorrY I have other plans for that day, get my drift?
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
hi giftsandbagscom, That is better to learn first to love oneself though love could have many interpretation as one do a lot of sacrifices for the good of others which mean you are unselfish person which working on to have a better life and happy seeing the family is in a better situation..
3 people like this
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
You know I get fed up with that situation. But I am the one who is always there for my friends. Even if they do not give the same treatment for me. Let me share a story, I have a friends on my first job. They are the most demanding friends I ever had, like when you did not do what they said they will not talk to you anymore. I really don't know why I stayed in their group and stick to them. what I done is I resigned, but not because of them but for professional reason. That is the time that I escaped on their treatment and i was very happy then. They keep on contacting me and I replied to them but sooner I did not feel to replying to those messages they had sent on me. It depends again on the people if they like to stay in the demanding people, it depends on them if okay to be a loser. If they find friends to those demanding people I guess they will stick to them. That is their life anyway.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi greychunny, Yeah, being a loser such as in resigning to avoid the situation getting worse is good at least you save yourself from a lot of headaches and I could see that even you love your job and their is a great pressure on it is better to leave and find a solace place where your freedom is not restricted and your attitude is not misjudge most of the times. While other stick to a maddening situation when they have no choice like in a job because it is hard to apply for a new job once you resign. thanks
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4809)
• United States
23 Jan 10
You asked a sticky question. It seems to me that the way to handle being taken advantage of is to say quietly and very firmly, Thanks, but NO thanks," and stick to it. Don't let them wear you down. Some people will be offended, but they will get over it and have more respect for you. If they don't, they were never your friend in the first place.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi bellis, Yeah, that is the best things to do to remain honest being not afraid to refuse when you know to stand on your grounds as what you believe not to be influence just to have a good image when in fact you have nothing to worry when you feel you are being abuse ending unappreciated in the process. thanks
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23477)
• Singapore
27 Jan 10
WIn-win situation?? THat's something which is not easy to do.. Because winning, can be defined in many ways.. Some wants full benefit or advantages from what's done, and thus there's no way a win-win situation can be met.. As for me, i guess i'm always a loser, for i dun mind being at the loser end, as long as i get what i want, be it being much lesser.. haha =D But still, it must be within my expectation, so as to make my work or effort worthwhile.. haha =D
• Philippines
28 Jan 10
There are situation like that to happen when you think of yourself in the end as the winner over the enemy or competitor and that is yourself for sure. just like in a games you should not bet all your highest card unless you are sure to end up as the more advance or ahead of your competitor. It is like able to guess your next moves so that one would not end up as a loser with enough planning already sketch on one's mind. In your cases you don't mind being the loser as long as you get what you need with still under your satisfactory requirement not too high nor too low. it is better than nothing to expect in return.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Jan 10
great article!!!i like your article, kindly go tru my article also!!!
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
thanks
@derek_a (10904)
23 Jan 10
As a Zen practitioner, I don't see such situations in terms of being a winner or loser. It is considered to be an ego-thing that isn't totally real. If I was to ask myself what exactly I am "losing" it would be almost impossible to explain. For in reality it is a belief and a belief is not totally real! - Derek
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi derek, yeah, it is a sort of competition set by self or by the other people when all good things turn to worst their is a feeling of being a loser which is a very sad events and it is not a nice feeling when one feel down and no one care or support sincerely it could be a bit frustrating. But when realize in the end their is no winner or loser as you propose unless an individual let it enter in her/his system that it manifest both physical and mental aspects. thanks
1 person likes this
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
Hi! I believe that this usually happens if we just allow other people to abuse us. That is the reason I choose the people I mingle with. If I feel that the person is just trying to use me for her/ his advantage I immediately keep a distance from that person. I choose my friends. I believe that if the person is really your true friend then they will always bring out the best in you. It is also the same with work. If my Boss is too demanding and a slave- driver but then I am not appreciated whenever I do something good then definitely I would be leaving that Boss.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi ladyslipper, yeah being kind all the time is a good virtue and yet it is abuse most of the times. as you mention those things happen frequently when you are deeply involves in helping other people who suck your energy most of the times. So it is best to avoid them as their are like leech who would not stop in sucking the blood until it is full drenched. Yeah, to gain respect one need to respect first self in the process learning to stand on one ground when you know you are right.
1 person likes this
@flower21 (767)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
i have longer patience even some people are demanding they could not dictate me and i would still insist on my freedom. afer all its my life.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi flower21, yeah, insisting on your right is good when you feel that you are being abuse you have the right to say no and only say yes when you believe you could benefit in the process never give in suddenly without thinking. thanks
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (20539)
• United States
23 Jan 10
It is hard to deal with people like that. My boyfriend is something like that. I usually do what he wants, but sometimes I just tell him I've done enough for you. You are on your own with that. People that just want to take all of the time, just seem like they are never really grateful for anything, or if they are they don't really show it.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi snowy, Yeah, that a very disappointing for sure when you are very gentle and most of the time show them your love but in return what you get is nothing which should be unfair. A good relationship based on love should be give and take on the process and not only give or take. it should be a balance which every couple should know to put in a relationship in order for it to lat, coupled with respect, trust and understanding. thanks
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
yeah, when others take advantage of my kindness so i could not force anyone to accept or love me. i am more of a giver rather than a receiver.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi janeajozelle, that the right attitude it is right to help but not all the time and need to leave some love on yourself to be respected. thanks
1 person likes this
@amyson (3509)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
not all the time it only happen to me when i have little power or control over a situation so even i like to be the winner their are many obstacles. one things the other person is have more qualification than me or just simply using me. when i know that a person is only good to me after he get something for me and see his real self. i would not allow him to dominate me as i already know my strength and weaknesses so i know to stop further abuse from getting worst by disallowing it.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi amyson, yeah,it is best to left something to self and not to give away most of the times as their are people who are only good to please and be please yet they never bother to thanks you for being supportive most of the times. I do believe that all could live even half appreciated and be happy with self learning to help but retain some respect in self since when you give all love and the receiver seem less appreciate it then their should be no way to sacrifices self as you know all giving lead to nothing. thanks
1 person likes this
@Lucky09 (1771)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
hi neel^^;; i don't think i would still consider trying to keep them because the more we try harder to please and be polite to them, the more we will fall to their bait. such kind of people are very expert in sucking and know people's vulnerable part and they will use it against you...it's like backstabbing you know. so if you notice that they are these kind of people, just get rid of them as early as possible before you completely get into their trap. oh by the way, i would tell them like..."i can offer you some help but after this, you must do it on your own and there's nothing more i can do as i also have my own personal matters and needs to consider" well, in this, still try to help them at first heee heee!
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi lucky, yeah, they are very selfish to gain and not to extend their gratitude which is a bit a lot of disappointment most of the times. It is fine to help but all have their on limitation as long as you know you are able to help in the process should not be left deprived on the end. So their is a fine line between helping and conceited and in order to won in the process one need to be wiser in order not to fall as the victim of user friendly people who are just to take advantage your kindnesses. thanks.
1 person likes this
@jewels49 (1784)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I guess I'm different..I seldom feel taken advantage of or unappreciated. But I only say yes to things I really don't mind doing for others, I'm not hesitant to tell someone I have too much on my own plate to stretch myself any thinner. I don't fight for my rights I exercise them. It works for me.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi jewel, People simply misunderstood you when you deny them most of the times but since it is yourself who are involve and affected in the process in case you give in to their demand it is still alright to refuse when you think ot is a wise move on your part. thanks
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
Well I'd probably say that it roots out on differentiating "needing" and "loving".. Both are different.. Love respects others while "neediness" is selfish.. Try to figure out the motive of a person first, because based on what I have read in an article a needy person attracts another needy person.. so always be aware of your limitations and find out if the person really loves you or just need you so that you'll know how to respond to them. I hope I helped.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi cecilcarmela, I do agree with you when you love it is all giving most of the times and their is some aspects in a relationship which even self are forgotten because on is willing to sacrifices to make the other part appreciate along with constant admiration which on the end one could realize their is nothing left on her side. Their should be a limit if you like to love other need to learn first to love itself in the process. thanks.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (135042)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jan 10
hi neelianoscet I have known people who ask for your help and advice. then after each thing you suggest, its oh no I could not do that, or no that wont work, until I get tired and I say. "well sorry I could not help but," and I look at my watch," I am late for an appointment so must run.bye now. take care." that is polite and easy to take without making the person angry. everyone knows that people do have lives besides helping someone who does not want to really be helped.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hi hatley, That right, it is not rude to make a good alibi when those people demand your time and then at the end you neglect your responsibilities which is not good on the long run. As necessary it is fine to help but not to the extent that because they get so acquainted that they only seek when they need you. It is like they only befriended you because hay have something to take which should not be the first precursor requirement since a real friend should only accept you for who you are and would not depend all the time need to be understanding whatever situation you have. thanks
1 person likes this