include your elders

@savypat (20248)
United States
July 4, 2010 11:56am CST
As Hubby and I get older we are excluded more and more from our busy families. They just don't seem to want us. I don't know what judgements they are making but it hurts our feelings. We want to at least be asked to join in. If you have elders in your family please remember they want to be included or at least be given the choice, it doesn't take much effort on your part to give a phone call. Please be aware and be kind.
4 people like this
13 responses
@LeeHolt (436)
4 Jul 10
Awww sorry to hear that this is happening to you. But perhaps there is a reasonable explanation? Or are they having family event / dinners / get-togethers and simply not asking you? Is this is the case then that is horrible and you should tell them how you feel! I always include my elders in everything, always call to have a chat and a catch up :) Lee.
1 person likes this
@LeeHolt (436)
4 Jul 10
Indeed it is a trasure. You know, I've been wanting to ask my gran for a while now, but never find the time to do so, about what is was like when she was a chile. You know, just the little things like every day life. What would she have been doing in an evening? What was the inside of the house looking like? What kind of stuff she did on an evening? What it was like to go to the shops? What was it like in town centers? What kind of entertainment? Hopefully I get to find all this out, as I'm rather interested, it must have been much better than today anyways :) Lee.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jul 10
I'm guessing no one called to spend the 4th of July with you two? I'm sorry to hear that. We spend plenty of holidays with our in-laws; especially since we are their only "kids" in town we usually spend holidays with them.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
5 Jul 10
It wasn't to bad, we got to babysit the dogs who were very upset by the noise, they all love us very much.
@ellie333 (21029)
4 Jul 10
Hi Savypat, I agree with Edward, invite them all over for a family do and let them see you can still party, in our family when I was growing up nan wa the oldest member and she was all there and always on the dance floor having a laugh, it hurts to feel excluded. I would talk to them and let them know how you feel aboutthis. I am on Facebook and my eldest daughter is travelling at the moment and keeps putting I miss you on my others daughters wall and I got a bit sadcos I thought what about me? Don't you miss me? I messagedher and she said that she hasn't managed to speak to my other daughter and she will be seeing me at the graduation but not her and hadn't thought and of course she misses me, but it is nice to be told sometimes that we are loved eh! Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
4 Jul 10
You are so right. I don't know why the three little words I LOVE YOU are so hard to say.
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
5 Jul 10
My family has always honored its elders so I don't understand why others don't. Sure, sometimes the many-told stories are boring and the views are out of date but ultimately, the elders are always right and that knowledge comes with age. Things I laughed at when my grandparents said them are truer than anything I've ever thought but I only know that now. That's the cycle of life--we ALL have to learn the hard way that our oldies are the wisest and we should listen to them. I hope you won't be too hurt, but realize that it's a part of life. My dad is 89, my stepmother 81, my mother is 86 and I include them all in every part of my life. It wasn't always that way, though, until I outgrew the arrogance of youth. This is your time, to treasure each other and live your own life. I know you'd rather be with your family but that's how the arrogance of youth works. Don't take it personally, we all go through that foolishness. Write it in your diary so that they can read and learn about it later.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
5 Jul 10
As grandparents, soon the be Great Grandparents we are included in family gatherings. We love to entertain our family members, and they reciprocate. We never miss a birthday and a chance to send a $50.00 bill with the card. We help each grandchild with their education costs. When they are excepted into University we set up an account for them at the bank of their choice to make sure they have money for all those little extras that we all enjoy so much. Life is a two way street, when we are young we sometimes are a little short, and when we are seniors we usually have what it takes to share. Money is not always the answer, but keep your eyes and ears open to help your family in any way you can. I can't imagine being excluded from my own family!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
I am sorry that you are feeling hurt by the way your family is treating you. It is unkind not to include everyone in family’s activities. If your loved ones have ignored you and your husband it is worth inviting them over to your house and having a chat to them about how they leave you feeling left out. It is good to remind the younger ones not to disregard older family members; they deserve our love and respect.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Jul 10
we should respect elders and they should be involved in all act so that they do not feel neglected,we are also going to be old ,children will behave in same way
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
5 Jul 10
I am aware of the emotional pain of being excluded from any functions organised by the family. Being old is not what we asked for but it is something every humans experience in the circle of life. I always respect senior citizens and accord them my best treatment to make them feel that they are one of us and not an outcast because of their age. I believe in karma and one day I will be old and wrinkled and I do not want to be treated like an old unused furniture that is dumped to one corner of the house, never to be seen again. when I am still capable of investing my energy I will try to make the most of it to make these special people feel that they are still loved and definitely they will top my list of people that will grace any functions that I might have in future.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
4 Jul 10
That is so terrible for family to leave the elders out of things. I live in New Mexico and have not been able to visit my parents in 2 years and its killing me. However, hopefully I will be seeing them next month for two weeks and I can't wait. I talk to my parents everyday and sometimes more then once a day. However, I have other sisters and brothers that call them once in a blue moon and I don't understand how they can't take time out of their schedule to at least make a phone call to them. I sometimes wonder how it was that we all grew up in the same house and everyone treats their parents differently.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90227)
• Marion, Kansas
4 Jul 10
We are approaching a more elderly stage ourselves. Our only living elder is my dad, in the next state South. We have been making every effort to get to see him at least once a month and take some of the celebrating to his house so he does not have to drive so much. His wife has a big family, and she is even older than he is. I missed the boat with my mom. Sorry to say that.
@Pose123 (21671)
• Canada
4 Jul 10
Hi savypat, I completely agree with you and don't like being left out either. Maybe they just think that it isn't the type of thing we'd enjoy anymore, but why not, aren't we still family? I add my voice to yours in asking family members not forget us as we get older. We still want to be included. Blessings.
1 person likes this
• United Arab Emirates
4 Jul 10
We are what we think in our minds. What you could do is call a family get togather with lots of fun and games...then your family will realise that you are not growing old...but age is just a number.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36683)
• United States
7 Jul 10
You are exactly right. Though I'm not an older person, I know that when my grandmother was still alive during the months that she lived with us, she wanted to be included all the time. And, there was no one in our family that had a problem with including her. Heck, a couple weeks before she passed away, she, my mother, my little sister, my daughter and myself all went shopping together and we had a wonderful time.