I Did It

@dorannmwin (36698)
United States
July 21, 2010 2:08pm CST
I was talking last week about how I felt like I needed to cut ties with several of the people that I considered to be my friends because I learned that they were stabbing people in the back and acting like children in general. Well, I pulled the plug on my relationship with them just a couple days ago. So far I'm not noticing any changes in my life due to this, but I'm sure that it will come. What hurts me the most at this point is the fact that they didn't even send me an email to ask what else was going on. To me this really shows their true colors. So, have you ever seen the true colors of a "friend" only after the relationship is over? How do you make a clean break from people that are bringing you down?
2 people like this
16 responses
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
23 Jul 10
I had this friend who wanted to move here, so I agreed to let him stay with me for a couple of weeks while he could find an apartment and job and all. What I didn't know at the time is that he was TOTALLY broke, and he was running from creditors. So, I let him, his girlfriend, and two dogs move in with me for what was supposed to be a couple of weeks, but it ended up turning into months. What was worse is that he would let his bigger dogs chase my little dogs around the house. He was working, but his girlfriend wasn't looking for a job at all, and he wasn't helping to pay any bills or buy any food or anything here at all. When it was all said and done, he ended up ripping me out of almost $1,300.00, and skipping town. I haven't heard from him since, and to tell you the truth, I am glad he is out of my life...
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
26 Jul 10
That would be the kind of person that I would be really glad was out of my life. I've had friends that we've let stay with us before, but they've always provided something to the household. In fact, that is one of the stipulations that I have if someone wants to stay with us. They have to pay some sort of rent or buy food or something.
• United States
26 Jul 10
I have learned my lesson about letting people stay with me...it won't happen again...
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
28 Jul 10
I can definitely see why.
• United States
21 Jul 10
BRAVO for you! I recently did the same thing ... kind of a sping cleaning of negativity in my life. At first there was sadness on my part, part I quickly realized I had made the right decision for me. About you question of 'only after the relationship was over' -- the thing is you did see the true colors of the friend before you cut the relationship ties, otherwise you wouldn't have snipped them away. The clean break? That arrives through the window you opened when you closed the door.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I think that it is getting rid of a lot of the negativity in my life. You see, not only were these people talking about others behind their backs, they also think others aligned with the devil (so to speak) by joining another playgroup. All in all, I just don't understand why everyone can't just get along.
• United States
22 Jul 10
I understand completely and I'm so glad the negativity is closed off for you now. My decision was similar and it was a group o' friends I'd known for a decade, but I know they were all backstabbers and didn't even really like each other, as I'd heard nearly each say so... so why pretend that you do? That wasn't doing anyone any good, least of all, me!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
26 Jul 10
That is pretty much what I've discovered with these people as well. When you are in front of their faces it is like you are their best friend, however, when you aren't around they will talk about you like you are nothing but a piece of trash.
@bunnybon7 (36481)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Jul 10
i know what you mean. i used to have this friend that would want me to give her things and want to share lunches, meaning she'd say, lets do lunch and she'd say she had no money with her etc. after we were done because she knew id pay. well, i took the easy way out i guess. i started making excuses when she called or dropped by, etc. till finally she just gave up right now i have one friend thats sorta a freind but i know her ways and dont let her get away with things any more.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I wouldn't say that the people I am referring to are like that. Instead, they are the kind of people that want it to look like they have everything from the outside while in all reality they don't even have a pot to pee in.
@bunnybon7 (36481)
• Holiday, Florida
22 Jul 10
yes i know. thats how this lady was. she would brag about how wealthy she was cause she married money she said, etc, then go to lunch with me and say she forgot to put her card back in her purse or she forgot money. etc. shed say "i'll pay next time" then it would be the same next time and yet she acted like she was so rich!
@rjkmrr (172)
• India
24 Jul 10
Good, you have done a good job.If people don't consider you as their friend, there is no point considering them as your friend. Even I will do the same.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
26 Jul 10
That is most definitely the truth. I don't really feel like I've lost anything in this endeavor.
@george000 (166)
• India
24 Jul 10
The friend won't be good when they were mood off.Every one will changed at any time.If we don't be careful then our close friend will do like a enemy and we came to know true color of them.we should be extra careful to them and more over we should not bother.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
26 Jul 10
I agree that people can and do change over the course of time, but I don't think that one's closest friends would ever be able to hurt them the way that these people did me.
@o0jopak0o (6408)
• Philippines
22 Jul 10
well i am always at fault when cutting ties to a friend because of no reason at all. a self imposed loner for some reason. But there are some that are so persistent and i love them for it haha.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Well, there was definitely a cause for it in this situation. I don't like it when people are talking about me behind my back. I also don't like people that only live their lives in a superficial type of way.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jul 10
hi doranmwin if they did not even bother to send an email to you then it was good to delete them as they are not real friends at all.My best friend made it a practice to email me every working day just to keep in touch with me and help me to know some day things will be different. she is my trusted friend. some of my friends here, I have stayed away from as they are complainers. I mean non stop and it makes you feel so down just listeningto that. most of us here have a lot ofcomplaints about the food, but bit#hing nonstop willnot change what they feed us.Who wants to spend time in a friendship where the one spews out hours of complaints about the food, the caretaker, the weather, name it and she bitc#es about it non stop. I now avoid the whiners as they seem to act ually enjoy being miserable and making you miserable with them.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I know that I did the right thing though the decision was something that was difficult for me to do. In the long run, I think that my quality of life is going to be a lot better than it was with them as a part of my life.
22 Jul 10
Congratulations to you. I'm kinda into this situation that my some of my friends are abusing my kindness and I'm kinda fed up about it. They're fun to be with but sometimes you can feel that they don't think much about your welfare but more of themselves at the expense of others. To top it all, you can hear complaints from some of them when the fact is they don't contribute much for the group. I've put out my grievances against them. Hopefully they will now realize the faults they've made and they would now be more sensitive to other people than just complain. It's quite sad that it had come to this situation but I believe that If I don't speak out, they wouldn't know their mistake.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I think it is best that you did let them know about their mistakes. This gives them the opportunity to try to change their ways if that is what they want to do. Good luck to you in your situation.
• Malaysia
22 Jul 10
Good for you to ended it up before thing got worst. You should not feel hurt due to their ignorance instead be happy as they would not be bothering you anymore. I managed to see the true colours of one of my friend even before the relationship is over. I never tought that she will talk behind my back and made up stories about me. I used to be close to her, but then one day, my other friends confronted me and tell me what she been doing all this long.It turns out that she has been backbitting for a long time and it get worst recently until my other friends could not stand with her anymore and decided to tell me the truth.However, i am not that brave to cut clean with her, so what i did is i kept my self apart from her and gave her a good silent treatment.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I am actually very happy about the fact that I don't have to worry about impressing them anymore. Overall, I think that was the biggest difference between them and myself. I was brought up in a very modest family and I never thought it was appropriate to flaunt what I have but they seem to think that is the way to go. Most of the bad mouthing about me was due to the fact that I choose to be modest as opposed to living outside my means.
@chookie1971 (2277)
• Australia
22 Jul 10
It is so sad that people have to act so heartless. They really should not have stabbed you in the back at all if they are your friends. I see many people like that around where I live. Most of them stab me in the back. Once I found out that one of my so called friends stabbed me in the back. When I ended the friendship, she said that I should not have done it and that it was a big mistake. Well I think how is it a big mistake when the mistake that they made was stabbing me in the back. I found out today she writes this "is soooooooo happy! Got to see my Mr Mysterious on webcam for the first time today.............HOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOD!!!! He's even yummier than I thought! lol His pics dont do him justice but his voice is PURRRRfectly matched he he he he I LOVE YOU BABY!! C U real soon ? ?" The strange thing is, she had been meeting a guy and have seen him face to face. So why write this. The only thing that I can think of is what some one else is saying. One of my friends have been speaking on a chat program to this woman and I didn't know about it (not that it is none of my business). The worse thing is that my friend is married with a lovely wife and the woman that wrote that is a game player. If my friend meets up with this single woman could mean a disaster to his marriage as I know what he is like as well. I really pity the wife as she is a lovely lady and they would be stabbing her in the back. I have been thinking that I would be better of without them in my life as I don't want to be caught up in their web of disaster. Of course this is not my only story that I have, there is too much backstabbing in this world because people are not happy with their own lives so they have to destroy other peoples lives. Because of all the backstabbing I see around me, I do want to save up money so that I can move to another country and start my life all over again. When people don't know me, they don't have the chance to backstab me.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
If you think that you wuld be better off without them in your life, then you probably will. It might be a little odd at first, but in the long run I think it would be far better for you and it is going to be for me.
• Philippines
22 Jul 10
its very hard to find a true friend. I have friends like that,what i did is i pray that they may be enlighten and renewed but i never said nasty against them
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Oh, I wouldn't say anything bad about them, however, I will acknowledge the fact that in the long run they were bringing me down and I will be better off without them.
@much2say (39196)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Good for you! You may not notice the change now, but you may see very soon that you're sure not missing the garbage you were having to deal with - at all. I guess I've pulled the plug so many times, that I have concluded that when I make the break, I need to have the last word. Then they will have heard my side - and I wouldn't need to hear theirs - mostly because I already know it AND it's too late to try to patch up anything. True colors . . . I think it was already apparent to me - and that was the reason for the break up in the first place.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
You are right, I guess there was just a part of me that hoped that there was some level on which they did care. Oh well, I know things will be better for me and my family in the long run.
• Canada
21 Jul 10
Im sorry you're finding out that they werent your friends. It does hurt, doesnt it? You dont call them, you dont give them signs of life and its like you dont exist. They arent wondering whats going on with you, why you're not in touch anymore. I know exactly how it feels. Hang in there!! You did the right thing.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I do think that I did the right thing. I had to think about it for a while, but deep searching of my soul told me that was what I needed to do.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
21 Jul 10
I am a bit dumb because of stress these days so I do not really understand what you are saying. Are you referring to Mylot friends? I've been here about 20 months and I think it is twice that i have deleted people but tis is because they have never answered any post of mine or are not active. Only one person got cross with me here - or maybe two but it is best just to move on. One person sent me a nasty pm because I normally end my posts with the word 'blessings' but only use that word if I have said a quick but genuine prayer for God to bless them and their families. I remember now two other people criticized me as they said that I should not be disrespectful to my adopted country. I don't remember anyone else. Or perhaps you are talking about Facebook? I know that I am not online much these days and I miss everyone so much. Hopefully this stressful period will end in a few weeks and I will be able to log on for an hour daily. Many blessings
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
No cynthiann, not mylot friends at all, all of the people that I've had the opportunity to meet on here have been nothing but nice. These are people that were in the original playgroup that I joined back in 2006.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Most of the time I just don't return calls or excuse myself for busy reasons. One once in recent years did I have to come right out and say I think our relationship is over. I hate confrontation.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Well, we were members of a group and that is what I needed to get out of for the sake of my own sanity. I can't stand to try to be someone that I'm not so that my children will have friends.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
21 Jul 10
I know it hurts when they don't ask why you don't want to be their friends anymore.. almost makes you feel like they really don't care. Though it could be a lot worse. Just a few months ago I deleted a girl from my Facebook page because she was a total drama queen and seemed to want to cause problems in my life. I got highly annoyed and tried to ignore her.. but then she said something that I took offense to over my MIL's passing.. so I deleted her. Then she kept sending me new friend requests and messaging me asking why I did it.. and I ignored them. Then she messaged my husband asking him why I deleted her.. then as an after thought said "Oh, BTW, sorry to hear about your mother".. so that ticked me off even more. Then her husband started bugging both me and my husband. In the end hubby and I both deleted her and her husband both.. and eventually they both gave up trying to figure out why and just left us alone.. and let me tell you our lives are so much more peaceful now!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Oh, let me tell you, I'm glad that it isn't a situation like what you've described on your facebook. In fact, that is harrassment and if you had really wanted to get it to stop you honestly could have pressed charges over something like that.