Lions and tigers, and bears oh my.
@Hatley (163781)
Garden Grove, California
September 25, 2010 10:20am CST
Comfort zone I was wondering if other mylotters have ever been really
really upset when someone you barely know comes up within inches of
one's nose and starts talking to You? Do you have what psychologists call the comfort zone, and get antsy if someone does come too close.
I was thinking about this and that silly couplet that Dorothy was saying in the Wizard Of Oz. She was scared and kept murmuring "lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my". Thats a bit of how I felt several weeks ago. I was hot,tired and a bit short tempered as I had waited in line for almost ah hour to take some money out of my account here at Gold Crest. then this Alice whom I barely knew came up to me. She says/" its four O clock, ar ent you going to eat?" I replied, " I know what time it is, (I was standing right under the clock) and as soon as I get my money I will go eat". But she grabbed my arm, and put her face almost against my nose and said."Its four o'clock you gotta go eat" Something in me snapped a nd I heard myself yell at her, " leave me alone just leave me alone, don't touch me." I was shocked afterwards to realize how horrid I sounded but something in me rebelled at Alice practically pasting herself on my body. Your take on this please.
12 people like this
45 responses
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Sep 10
I have social anxiety so my comfort zone is nill and void. I would have a major panic attack if someone came up to me and did that. What is Alice's trip anyway? I would report her. There is no reason for a person to do that. She must have some problem or something. I hope you get out of there soon!
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi celticeagle oh that is on the top of mywish list and my son';s too so as soon as we find enough money I will leave here. Alice has some sort of
hangup and she thinks she has to push others around I guess. I used to have panic a ttacks myself. I think perhaps in a way I was panicking
when she grabbed my arm. yara called to her as she could see I was really upset. I do not think she will ever do that again to me.lol.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Sep 10
I think it was smart of you to repeat the phrase from The Wizard of Oz. Good girl! Hope it happens for you soon.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
25 Sep 10
I don't blame you for reacting that way, sweetie.
She shouldn't have grabbed you nor gotten into your face like that.
I have my private space around me and if anyone dare cross that, all hell breaks loose.
It is hateful when people do that.
You had that right to go off like that.
Don't worry about it, okay.
TATA.
She shouldn't have grabbed you nor gotten into your face like that.
I have my private space around me and if anyone dare cross that, all hell breaks loose.
It is hateful when people do that.
You had that right to go off like that.
Don't worry about it, okay.
TATA.1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi saphrina oh yes when she breathed onto my face a yucky old
garlic breath then grabbed my arm, I just erupted. I could
not stop myself. I will bet she will not do that again with
me.I had kept backing away but she did not even get the
message. wow.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi saphrina I really think I knocked her for a loop as she goes
out of her way to avoid g etting close to me.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
25 Sep 10
Well, first off I would have been put off by someone taking my by my arm and asking me bluntly again a question I had just answered! If she wanted to go to lunch then why did she not say so.
I would not have been to happy with someone grabbing my arm to make their point.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
25 Sep 10
It would upset me me too. Not only waiting in a long line when I'm not able to do this then to have someone be very adamant and forceful with me, well let's just say that alone would have set me off. You don't touch me or pull on me. Not even my husband does that! No one does.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi moondancer and too I have a bad leg in a brace so standing was getting painful then for her to grab on me like that, I just do not like people grabbing on me anyway.My husband knew that and was always so sweet and gentle with me.I do not think she will ever mess with me again. lol.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi moondancer have not seen much of you lately.Yes that was what
made me explode only my closest friend is allowed to do that
'and she seemed determined to bully me into joining her. She
knew where the dining room was so why did she not just go
there.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
25 Sep 10
Or like my daughter says, "Get out of my bubble" Yeah, I do have a small bubble that I don't want some people to break, and I don't blame you, if I was already uptight and someone got into my face, I probably would have said/done worse than you..lol
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
25 Sep 10
Yep, some people don't realize not everyone likes to be touched like that.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi camelanirel wow she really got to me with that arm
grabbing only my son or my best friend is allowed to
do that with me.I was hot, sweaty, tired and just in
no mood to be bullied and she would not let up .
Yara called to her, what did you say to make her so
'upset and she mumbled I have not the foggiest idea.
idea.1 person likes this
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
26 Sep 10
Hi Hatley, I cannot handle that close contact either.
From what I have observed, the personal comfort zones that people can tolerate are directly related to the population density that they are used to living in.
We here in Australia have a huge country with only 20 million people so we are used to having space around us. When people form India for example come here, they get in your faces a bit because that is what they are used to in their homeland. When a lot of Aussies go to places like India or other Asian countries, they can feel claustrophobic and anger and just want to break out of that, which is just how you must have felt I imagine.
I am guessing that this happens between people who grow up in crowded cities and people who grow up in the country too even in the same countries. People that are used to crowds in cities will be more comfortable getting in peoples faces, where people who are used to the country would not feel comfortable at all being that close to someone.
I am just guessing here, but did you perhaps live in a more rural area and she perhaps came from a city?
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi oh y es I was born and raised on a farm in Souht Dakota then when I was thirty I moved to T empe met my husband to be and got married, we lived there for awhile then moved here to C alifornia. I really do not
know where Alice was raised as a child.Back in S.D. we always respected each others space and never got right in each others face either.Oh
I really felt sort of threatned and as I was already in a bad mood'I just exploded.I was really embarrassed as I am not one to do something like that.I think she will never grab my arm again.
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
26 Sep 10
I bet she was not a country girl who was used to giving people space like you. I think you are right that she will not get that close to you again! 
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi jotomy yes after she said the same thing several times and stuck
her face almost against mine, I felt like I was being herded. so
I really rebelled. only my close friends touch my arm like
that and she reallygrabbed me. thats just not done,.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi cher yes that was the whole thing, with my friends here they often touch my shoulder or my hand to get my attention or t ell me or ask
'me something. I never have minded that at all. But she and I barely knew each other and to get so personal it just hit me wrong. wow.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
25 Sep 10
She is quite rude, Hatley. And somehow she aggravated you. If I were in your place, I will also do the same because I know how tiresome it is to stand in line for hours but yet you have to because it's a need for you to get some money.
Take care always, Hatley. Try not to worry about it. Never your fault at all.
Take care always, Hatley. Try not to worry about it. Never your fault at all.@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi totallyundecided Yes I thought so too as I had already told\her as soon as I got my money I would eat, yet she kept on at me then
grabbed my arm a nd I just exploded. wow. No I guess it really'is not myfault .
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 Sep 10
Hi Hatley,
There is definitely in that famed "comfort zone" that the head people talk about. I know that for myself, my comfort zone gets larger and smaller in reflection to the different people I happen to be around. And sometimes my comfort zone boundaries for some people are "nowhere within earshot or eyeshot of me". I have this one customer...a loud and obnoxious man...I cringe when I see him pull into the parking lot and just brace myself to dealing with him. He stands too close, talks too loud and too personal. This lady getting up in your face and telling you that you had to eat...well, I think that would have been a bit much for anyone. You are not a child after all. You just reacted. Maybe she'll think twice next time.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi sid yes I think she will have a bit of respect for me
now, she really did not understand why I was so upset
so it was impossible to explain to her about personal
space. I think she will now leave me along. loll
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
25 Sep 10
I believe everyone has that comfort zone. Did you ever see the Sienfield episode where Elane's bf would get inchs away from peoples faces to talk to them? If someone did that to me, i'd seriously would have to put my hand up and push them back about a foot at least. If your close enough for me to smell your breath, good or bad, thats way too close. I cant stand being touched by strangers either. Different situations have different comfort zones. Its actually a defence thing as far as i cant tell. A natural thing in my opinion. Anyone that doesnt have this there must be something wrong with them. Comfort zone = security zone.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi yes that was it, she was breathing on my face with a pretty
bad breath too.lol I just cou ld not take it anylonger
and I just erupted. the silly thing is she had not the
faintest idea why I was angry. now I feel so silly but
people just should no breathe on your face anyway.
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
25 Sep 10
I probably would have done more than yell, I would have pushed that person away! Never mind the psychological babble about a comfort zone, how about some simple polite manners on the part of others? If someone is getting in my face they better be someone prepared to get kissed!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi fwidman I immediately started to back away and she really kept right on, her breath in my face then she grabbed my arm and I sort of went
ballistic as I am just not use to mere acquaintances being that agressive at all.
being that agressive at all.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
25 Sep 10
Hi Hatley! I would have done the same thing. It was maybe ok for Alice to remind you once, since she was maybe looking for a dining partner. She, and people like her, cross the line when they get in your face, grab onto you and insist. That's agressive bullying, pure and simple. Yelling back is a defense mechanism, to draw attention to what is happening to you and for your own defense. Don't feel bad for one moment!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi catdla1 yes that I did not mind and I told her just as soon as I got my money I would go eat. but then she started really bullying me and I just really overreacted and startled the hell out of her. now she avoids me and thats okay with me too. lol.I believe I was yelling at her to get Yara's attention so she could call the woman off of me.
@jb78000 (15139)
•
25 Sep 10
pushing yourself into somebody else's personal space is going to feel aggressive to the other person whether it was meant to or not. you get some major misunderstanding when people whose cultures have different amounts of personal space meet - one person will think the other is being pushy/aggressive/flirting and one will feel the other is being stand-offish and unfriendly unless they know what is happening. not the case here though - you are both from the same country, just sounds look this woman does not really know how to behave. i don't blame you for getting angry, whether she realised or not her behaviour was aggressive.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi jb yes we are both Americans but sure are different I would
never grab a complete stranger or even a mere acquaintence by
their arm, only with my best friend and that was to pull her
back onto the sidewalk as a car suddenly drove up too close to
the curb. The arm grabbing was what got to me and I just exploded I startled myself but I had just had too much by then. She does not
seem to get it and she has been moved from one table to another in the
dining room because of similar episodes.
@Kumar1232009 (1215)
• Spain
25 Sep 10
Ms Hatley,
No problem there. Perhaps, Alice was just concern about you.
Sometimes when I'm tired am out of control too and it also
depends from the situation on how I tacle it.
Or I would just simply say,
"mind your own business please"
But most
probably I won't shout as I am a shy type of person
especially in public. Against me? no one can do that too
as most of the people whom I used to know are always telling
that I'm quiet. Indeed, I'm really quiet... I'm an introvert
in my personal life and whenever I got a break I take my GF
to our favorite place..
No problem there. Perhaps, Alice was just concern about you.
Sometimes when I'm tired am out of control too and it also
depends from the situation on how I tacle it.
Or I would just simply say,
"mind your own business please"
But most
probably I won't shout as I am a shy type of person
especially in public. Against me? no one can do that too
as most of the people whom I used to know are always telling
that I'm quiet. Indeed, I'm really quiet... I'm an introvert
in my personal life and whenever I got a break I take my GF
to our favorite place..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Sep 10
hi Kumar I am also an introvert and a very shy quiet person so when'I
yelled I was as startled as she was but somehow I felt she was sort of
attacking me and I just wanted her to leave me alone. well now I guess she willnot do that again. I tried to apologize and explain but she did not understand a word of what I said.lol
@ElicBxn (63235)
• United States
25 Sep 10
I'm guessing that this Alice maybe doesn't realize that there are some boundaries you shouldn't cross. She also maybe doesn't realize that the food - what there is of it - will still be there when you get out of the line.
I know that some of the people at mom's, who are, when they are mobile, often with dementia, while those who are unable to get around physically are often quite all right in the head, just unable to take care of themselves alone.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
25 Sep 10
You overreacted but I can understand that. I am very protective of my personal space and will get quite aggressive if someone doesn't comply with my request to back off. I ask first, though, before I get mean.
It sounds as if Alice has some kind of mental illness and may not have realized she violated your space and your privacy. And to grab your arm was way beyond acceptance unless she is a close friend, which you say she isn't.
Forget about it unless you'd like to discuss it with her and explain your reaction, which I think was justified if a little over the top.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi dragon oh I really did overreact and was so shocked to hear
myself actually yelling at her. She did let go of my arm when
Yara , our activities director, beckoned to her. Yara asked her what on earth did you say to make her so upset? She muttered, I have not the
foggiest idea. So I think you may be right. I have seen that she is not very well liked and every place she has sat at lunch time the other table mates have asked that she be moved to a different table.She was not a close friend at all. which was some of what set me off I guess. I tried to explain but she did not understand at all so guess she just has some type of mental problem.But at least I got rid of my guilty feeling for yelling at someone. I really am not that kind of person at all.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
25 Sep 10
Hi Hatley,
That sounds like she was bullying you and you inner self just rebelled because you were being handled like that, you had every right to yell at her, you are not stupid so why is her treating you like that? I don't blame you, I would have done the same thing, but cross me and I see red, thats me. Love and hugs.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi tamara Yes that was it ,it did feel like bullying
and I was never much on that, and suddenly I really
exploded , I startled a lot of people as I am known
for being easy going and not tempermental. lol lol.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi meapas thats why I felt really bad and stupid after word'
but she was not even angry, just completely puzzled and
had that look, what did I do? So later I apologized and
she still did not understand why I was upset.so I racked'
this up to her perhaps having mental problems.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
25 Sep 10
Hello hatley,
I think you did the right thing. I am sure that if that would have happened to me, i would do the same thing. she thought she could make an impression, it did and it was a bad one. for sure, by now she regretted what she did.
How could she crossed the line if she didn't even know you..@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi letran she just barely knew me and I guess she thought
'food was the only thing even when I tried to make her
'see I would get to eat once I received my money. I
'guess she will think twice now before touching
me. I think she really has a lot of nerve to grab on anyone.
@rameshprabhu (190)
• India
25 Sep 10
oh so much interest in wild life , these zone are good to watch out nothing to get scared and snaps are cool in there ,
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Sep 10
hi rameshprahhu you only read the title not the discussion
go back and reread okay?
