Do you believe that having children can ruin relationships?

@soleya (1102)
Latvia
October 7, 2010 8:49am CST
I had bad examples of my friends, who were perfect couples before they decided to have kids. In two years time they got divorced. Now I am scared. I don't want to end up raising a child alone. What do you think?
6 people like this
24 responses
@youless (91494)
• Guangzhou, China
7 Oct 10
It depends on. Sometimes the children's issues can lead to the disagreements and quarrels and it's common. Because everybody has different views. But their purpose is good for the children. Sometimes people don't want to divorce although they don't love each other, because they don't want to give a bad effect on the children. Actually the children are the bond of the couples. Everything will be much more complicated with children because they are innocent. When people want to divorce, it is not really because of the children. Probably you know that when people stay with each other for a long time, then they will get used to each other and therefore their passions are gone. Life becomes boring. And we shouldn't blame the children. The couples shall think about it by themselves why they have changed. I love China
• Portugal
7 Oct 10
im sorry for your friends :( is true that a kid can complicate or make things better^^ but yes having a kid can provoque arguements. like who will take care of the baby, who is working more and things like that. a baby is a big responsability and to have it both need to dedicate to the baby^^ and understand each other. maybe your friends started to argue and couldnt understand each other's points and thats why their marriage ended. but this wont happen to you^^ if you have a bf and marry and have a kid both have to listen to each other and still dont forget to give time alone to you and your bf too^^ sometimes when have babies people forget about care much for their lovers and it can break a relation too. so if you want to have a kid you can^^ dont worry nothing will happen if you and your bf love each other and dedicate also time just for the two of you^^
• United States
11 Oct 10
Children are not suppose to make and or break relationships. It certainly can put forth additional hurdles however there are a great many advantages as well. Seeing the children grow into wonderful adults as a result of our efforts can be very rewarding. I was a very young single mother, who did it all by myself. It was not easy but I had their interests as my priority. My end result is that I have two wonderful and respectful young adults and I look back and wonder did I miss out on partying and having a great time. Not really as I did my best and well it was a toss up between my having fun or now being still young with two great kids. It certainly is not for everyone I suppose but if they are going to have the kids the kids then become a priority.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
9 Oct 10
Although I've heard examples to this, I don't believe that children are the cause of the failed relationships. It just makes me think that they were not perfect couples in the first place. I think to be perfect couples, or to have perfect relationships, it should endure and enjoy anything, including kids. Don't be scared! Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Oct 10
hi soleya I think these people had problems before the kids came and just should not have married in the first place. Our two children only strengthed our marriage, and when we lost a child we supported each other. we did not break up. too modern relationships do not base on the idea of being a pair forever like us o ld fogies who sought marriage. I do not even know if they ever did go into a relationshipe and even expect it to last six months, no they have kids by six different guys and do not stay long with anyone. I am appalled at some of tbe shennigans that go on in these so called perfect relationships as they do not wantg to marry then divorce. so they just do away with the thought of a permanent relationship. No go ahead and marry the person you really love and all will go along swimmingly as love and marriage do belong together. and children are a wonderful part of it too.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
8 Oct 10
Having raised 2 children, I can tell you that it's not the children that damage the relationship, it's the parents. I put my children first instead of my husband and that was the beginning of the end. The best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse. It sets a good example of what a marriage should be and lets them know their place in the world, that they will not always be #1.
1 person likes this
8 Oct 10
Having children may have aggravated the situation, but I don't think it's the only reason for the divorce. Bringing a child into the world and raising them requires a lot of patience, understanding and maturity. That's exactly why people need to think about it thoroughly before deciding to do anything about it. Also, there are some relationships that seem to be perfect until they go through something difficult. Children are a gift, but they require a lot from any person or relationship. If you can find that balance, then children can also help nurture relationships.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
Having children in the family is good,but in the other way around it can separate the relation between the couple, for example the attention of the mother will focus on that of the children because the children ofcourse needs the attention of the mother also,so the father will need to understand the situation, but there are some who really can't understand because they want that their wives will just focus on them and be jealous with their children, that's why couple now, enjoy the moment living without children first before having children
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
it is not kids that makes the relationship ruined, the kids are the blessings into the relationship...do not put on the blame to the kids... i am sorry to your friends but i think the most common cause of a broken relationship is in the couple itself... they might tired with each other and realized they are not compatible anymore...
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
That's really unfortunate and even more so for their children. Yeah, people can get really over-romantic when they are still a couple and would sometimes imagine that they can have a very nice family when things get really long in the relationship but, sometimes when reality kick in, things don't really work out well with what they have imagined and they can't do compromises for each other. That's why most of the time, they should really bond as time passes in their relationship so commitment can really be established in their relationship's foundation.
8 Oct 10
I think having childed can ruin a relationship, I say this from expierence considering my ex whom I have a one and a half year daughter with. And as soon as she found out she was pregrant she moved out of state, I guess you can say that ruined our relationship.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
I personally do not agree with this. Having children is always a blessing to me, and I thank God for having one. It’s a fruit of our love, so how can this ruin our relationship? Though raising a child would demand more time and money I don’t think this would crumple a relationship. Mother’s would literally have more time with their kids, but we must not forget that we should also give time for our husband. We have different personalities and I know of the fact that it is not the children who ruin our relationship; it is on the way how we grip our relationship and how we manage to keep the love burning inside us despite of various responsibilities we need to face.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
I don't believe it. Having children can't ruin any relationship. It just depends on the couple.Because for me, having children is a gift.
1 person likes this
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
8 Oct 10
No I really don't think so, unless you get the baby out of expectation and that you forced yourself to have it anyway. The only reason why a couple decided to have a baby is because they wanted it, they think it will put more colours in their family and life. So why get a baby just to end up blaming those children for ruining the relationship or marriage? A parent must always remember, the children know nothing about many things, they were not responsible for the couple's decision for having a children, or getting pregnant, or getting married. If anyone divorced because they thought the kid is ruining their relationship, that is just pure childish, irresponsible, and if someday the children found out about this fact, do you think the children should still be proud of their father and mother?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
I don't think so.Children are supposed to be their bond.Like my case,our relationship was rocky before I got pregnant but when our baby came everything has changed. My husband goes home early as soon as work is finish,we would spend time together,we are so inseparable.We do a lot of things together,we enjoy each other and we love each other more and more.. Do not be afraid,it all depends.Its up to you on how you handle things and make your relationship works. Children are blessing.
1 person likes this
@scififan43 (2440)
• United States
7 Oct 10
I do not think that haveing a child ruins a relationship. I think that there are other factors that runin it. I do not think anyone wants to raise a child alone. my gf has had to struggle with that. the thing was her husband wanted to take cousdy of two of her nices and they did but latter devoreced. it was not becase of the two children they were raising, it was other factors that were at play. hopfuly this will not happen to you.
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
7 Oct 10
No, I do not think children ruin relationships. When children join the happy couple, they bring not only joy and excitement, but also resposnsilities and sometimes pressure and stress. If there are no children, then some other factors will bring the pressures and stress. Life is not one long honeymoon. I will say though, that if a couple is too young or immature when the baby comes, it will be harder on them. They may need some additional love and support. djbtol
@elmiko (6640)
• United States
7 Oct 10
yeah absolutely, if a couple have too many children over a time span where they can't afford them all or have very little money to do so then yes it can ruin relationships. the money problems can be too much for couples plus just the responsibilities of raising kids can bring out the worst in people who are just not ready for it.
1 person likes this
@elmsquie (78)
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
true enough children are blessings. They should not be blamed to ruin a relationship. When two people decided to be together, it is also their decision on how the relationship will grow with or without children.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
7 Oct 10
I would never believe that having children can ruin a relationship. if anything, a child can only enhance the relationship you have with your significant other.