Are You Listening? Then What Did I Say?

@Opal26 (17690)
United States
April 27, 2011 9:21pm CST
Do you ever wonder if the person you are speaking to is listening to you? I mean not just listening, but hearing what you are saying! Do you wonder if maybe your spouse, significant other or friend is really paying attention to what you are saying? Well, I sure do! I ask my boyfriend all the time if he heard what I said and most of the time he has no idea! How annoying is it to talk to people and find out that they aren't even paying attention to what you're saying!
16 people like this
41 responses
@patgalca (14557)
• Orangeville, Ontario
28 Apr 11
My husband rarely listens to me when I talk. He told his mother that what I say isn't important to him. She chastised him saying that it was important to me. That was several years ago and he hasn't changed. It's like talking to a brick wall. I always have to repeat myself with him. I have just started recently saying, "Then what did I say?" with both my husband and kids. I remember using that a long time ago but I don't remember with whom? Parents maybe? I love it when I catch the kids off guard with that question.
4 people like this
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Apr 11
patgalca tell him that is most rude and what is he doing married to me if my conversation is that worthless to you thats what I would tell him and see if he does not shape up a bit.
1 person likes this
@patgalca (14557)
• Orangeville, Ontario
28 Apr 11
Believe me, I've told him. For 18 years I've told him. He is engrossed in every word our kids say though, that annoys me even more.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi ladies! @patgalca-That is exactly what I say to the bf! I feel the same way, like I'm talking to a brick wall! He just doesn't care what I have to say. He'd rather look at the tv! @Hatley-Men especially don't seem to care if they are being rude for some reason!
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
28 Apr 11
I know the feeling. Specially after I have repeated it several time
3 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi Lakota! It seems to be unanimous!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 11
It makes you want to invest in a tape recorder so you only have to say it once, but have to keep hitting the rewind/play buttons...
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
29 Apr 11
yup OPal, good idea camelanirel
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
28 Apr 11
I hear you Opal, (and I really did, I read every word here..lol) and I can't tell you how many times I am talking to a child or spouse only to finally say, "And I am just here talking to myself." My son of course would ignore me, but my husband would give some excuse like, "Oh, I am not with it today." or "I was reading this article." Annoying isn't it??? _
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi carmel! Good one! I think that kids do it alot, but they're kids! But, I find that men do it most often and this discussion seems to prove it!
2 people like this
• United States
28 Apr 11
True, it must be natural for kids, but you'd think this is something one outgrows..Does this prove most men don't grow up? Hmmm, that isn't really news now is it???
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Yeah my husband can do that at times. He usually does listen, but if we're having a conversation late at night he sometimes starts falling asleep and tries not to show it. I'll ask if he's sleeping, he'll say no. Then I ask if he heard me.. he says yes. I ask what did I say.. he can't remember. He tells me "repeat the first few words". Usually I'm too frustrated to repeat myself so the conversation ends there.. but if I do begin to repeat what I said he'll usually remember after I say just the first few words.
3 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi kats! That's different. It's not that he's purposely not listening if he's really tired and sleepy. My bf does this to me all the time and we've discussed it over and over and he still won't listen to me and hear me!
• United States
28 Apr 11
I can see how that would be frustrating!
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Good morning Opal, i have one friend that calls me that i know she doesn't listen & i have called her attention to it, lol. I think they just like to hear themselves talk.
3 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi AL! I have no patience for people who do that! If you only want to talk and can't listen I have no time for that. I had a friend like that. She would only "talk" about herself and once she was finished so was the conversation~
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi OPAL, i LOVED THE i 'had' a friend like that. Guess we all have. Hope all is well w/u.
@celticeagle (119222)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Apr 11
It is very frustrating, annoying and I actually wrote an article about it. I will add the link at the bottom of this. I try very hard to listen and show respect for the other person when they are saying something. So what do we do? Teach our children right! It starts with our own little circle. Being a good role model. http://www.bukisa.com/articles/20519_how-to-listen
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi celtic! You're absolutely right! That is one of the reasons why children don't listen. They see their parents behavior and that's where it starts. Thanks for the link, I will check it out.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119222)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Apr 11
I sure think so. I hope you will check out the article.
• India
28 Apr 11
Dear Opal I have taught Physics in colleges for over 45 years, in my claas of say 256 students i find 5 or 6 who are not attentive, their mind floats some where else, i asked them to leave my class, and they do it with great pleasure, because i have marked them present in attendence registers. Similarly in refresher courses, i find few who have joined it because they have to as per govt guidelines, but they are not interested in learning.. My wife, kids at home always hear what i say.. Thanks for sharing Cheers. God bless you, have a nice day ahead. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
3 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi Professor! I guess you definitely should know about "listening"! It must be somewhat frustrating to have students that you know that you just can't get through to. But, knowing how many that you do get through to is a blessing! Thank you for your input. It is always a pleasure hearing from you. God Bless you too.
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
28 Apr 11
As near as I can tell, all men do this. Maybe there is an exception somewhere, but not in my experience. It is not useful to get mad over this as there doesn't seem to be much we can do about it. The only remedy I know of is to stop frequently to clarify as in "Is the reason you didn't answer because you don't know what to say or is it because you did not hear me?"
3 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi drannhh! I do that all the time with the bf and get absolutely nowhere. I have stood in front of the tv, turned it off, hid the remote and nothing seems to work! He just doesn't want to "listen" to what I have to say. It literally drives me crazy!
@GardenGerty (101780)
• United States
28 Apr 11
I know my husband does not hear me and does not listen sometimes. It is frustrating. It was better when he had hearing aids but they broke, we do not have jobs and he does not think he needs them.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi GG! What a convenient excuse?
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Actually, "hearing" is the act of noise meeting the ear drum, "listening" is the act of actually inserting attention to the act of "hearing". And, honestly, so many times, people only "listen" up to a point and then stop to start thinking about what they are going to say.
2 people like this
@patgalca (14557)
• Orangeville, Ontario
28 Apr 11
Selective hearing.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Ain't that the truth!i
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi ladies! Nicely put Elic! My point exactly. There is a difference between "listening" and "hearing" and just plain being rude!
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
28 Apr 11
Hi sweetie. I hear you. You can talk to your significant other till dooms day it won't sink in. It's frustrating. They never seem to pay attention. All they here is blah, blah. blah. But when they talk you need to stand on attention or the lecture.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi saphy! You are so right! When he has something to say I'm supposed to drop what I'm doing! Why is that?
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
28 Apr 11
Do like i do. Look at him as if you are listening. But listen to your most favorite song in your mind. They will never know.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
28 Apr 11
A very common problem, especially with the people you are close to. I find myself repeating again and again, like a scolding parent. Hubby likes to seemingly end a conversation and then when I have left the room continues to speak to empty walls, sure some of that could be hearing disability related to age, but I often wonder if it's just an excuse to later be able to say wife I told you so. Communication does not seem to get better with age.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi pat! My bf does have a habit of waiting until I leave the room to decide to talk to me. He is 11 years younger than me so if anything he blames my age.
@BarBaraPrz (20544)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
28 Apr 11
I'm sorry... I wasn't listening... A friend of mine accuses me of being deaf because I ask her to repeat what she said. It's not that I didn't hear her, but that I'm not paying attention and don't realize that she's talking to me until halfway through the sentence. Then of course she repeats the part I did hear, not the part I didn't, and gets upset that I still don't know what she's talking about. Or, she'll say something while going up the (creaky) stairs on the other side of a wall... Perhaps if you said your boyfriend's name before talking to him, you might get better results.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi Barbara! I do say his name and he knows I'm talking to him, well most of the time. Sometimes he does think I'm talking to the cats though!
1 person likes this
@thatgirl13 (7307)
• South Korea
28 Apr 11
I do that a lot. And as you know karma strikes back, it happens to me a lot too. When I have a really tired day and my friends just want to go on about how she did this and that and actually I'll be looking at them but I just blank out :/ Without me even knowing lol I call it a talent though I usually join the convo and listen everything but there are days when I can't help it. An on the other hand, I talk a lot so mom seems to not be listening to me. I get so mad I yell for hours and not talk to her for somtiems
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi thatgirl! It's ok to do it once in awhile, but I'm talking about never listening and never hearing what someone is saying. You said it yourself, you don't like it when your mom doesn't listen to you so you know how it feels.
@jerzgirl (8027)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
28 Apr 11
Constantly!!! I am always stopping and checking my guy friend by saying, "Now, what did I just say?" because he literally doesn't listen. He'll actually start talking in the middle of something I'm saying as though I wasn't talking at all. Or, I'll tell him something and he'll suddenly turn and ask me a question about what I'd just talked about as though I'd never said a thing and he only just then thought of the topic. He seriously pisses me off when he does that. I don't care how much ADHD he has, a little effort would be a nice change.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi jerz! How've ya been? He sounds like my bf! I don't know if it's ADHD or just him being obnoxious! He just doesn't care to listen to what I have to say, but he sure knows how to "listen" to the tv!
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
28 Apr 11
Thankfully I am very fast in sensing when people are not listening to me.I immediately stop or ask them straightaway if there is somethin g else is on their mind and whether the person has time for me if it is important.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi kalav! I do that to if possible. I get very frustrated when I know for sure that someone is definitely not paying attention to me whether it's having a face to face conversation or on the phone.
• United States
28 Apr 11
Oh gosh yes, I know several people who are suppose to be listening and apparently from their body gestures I can tell they really are not. Upon meeting my boyfriend I noticed he would do the same to the point that anytime I would ask/say something I would intentionally say, okay what did I say. I feel I have trained him so well now as he puts forth his full attention no matter what he is doing to face me so that I can see he is fully listening, lol.. sometimes I will intentionally say did you hear me and he will repeat word for word. I love it.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi hwg! Well, you are another fortunate women! I guess there are some men that can be "trained". lol Unfortunately, not mine~
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Apr 11
Opal26 hi yes I have a tablemate that i want to talk to but so many times I sit here and talk for five minutes then she goes" Oh what did you say didnt hear all of it? oh my g so I raise my voice as shes a b i deaf. I h ave had friends who do that to me. but for a husband to do that is almost insulting in my eyes. Ihate it when I have talked and talked and find out nobody had a clue to what I said. grrrrrrrr I used to not be as good a listener as I am now but my son when a kid woke me up to the fact that I was only half listening so now I do not try to multitask while listening to someone as its very rude in my eyes.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi Hatley! I also find that when I'm on the phone with my girfriend that she also isn't really listening. She will be banging stuff and cooking or watching tv and I will have to keep asking her if she's listening! If you're not going to listen, then why did you call me in the first place?
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
28 Apr 11
hello, Yeah, that's right. How annoying it was when you tell something and then after you finish you found out that he didn't understand what you are talking about. ha ha it also happened to me when I am talking to my boyfriend and i was so mad at him because I tell him an important matter but he didn't even pay an attention. that is why every time we talk to each other he really pay an attention now because he know that I will be mad at him again,
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi tiina! It is annoying isn't it! No matter how many times I tell my bf that it bothers me that he doesn't listen I just can't get through to him. And he ends up asking me the question later when I just told him earlier!
@jhaidro (879)
• Philippines
28 Apr 11
This does hurt at times. It just feels not right to have people around who does not listen to the things that you have to say. At times it gives you the thought to not speak at all. Its good to have these networking sites these days. It sometimes eases the pain of not having an ear that listens.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Hi jhaidro! I think you are so right. I am so happy that I have myLot to come to share my feelings. It makes me feel so much better to know that others have the same issues sometimes.