Apologize
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
United States
April 25, 2012 2:25pm CST
My 4.5yr old has decided when I scold him or disapline him in any way if it hurts his feelings I should apologize. He's been pulling this for 2 weeks and it's really urk'n me. Like earlier this afternoon he was jumping from the floor onto the recliner tipping it into a reclining position. I told him to knock it off or he'd hurt himself or something else. I lifted the back of the recliner up while he was sitting in it after I scolded him and he told me I'm being mean. I reminded him even if he's playing that's not a safe way to play and I can't afford a hospital bill or new window or new recliner because he wants to "play". So then he pouts and complains in this voice that I'm mean and I should apologize. Once I told him if he kept up with the sassy mouth he'd loose the tv. Then he really starts complaining loudly bout hurting his feelings ect. Now I can't have him carrying on like this hubby needs to sleep!
He even carried on about the incident the other day to his teacher when he wouldn't get his shoes on for school.
I don't need this behavior at home or continuing to school or a public place! What do I do to get him to be accept the consequences w/o back talk and complaints about hurting his feelings. He will keep pouting and tossing me attitude til I apologize for scolding him and hurting his feelings. He needs to accept he was in the wrong, say sorry, and move on!
3 people like this
9 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
25 Apr 12
I think at his age he needs a combination of redirecting and scolding. It's fine to tell him he shouldn't jump on the furniture, but he's most likely doing it out of boredom, so if you firmly tell him not to jump on the furniture, then nicely give him some other options of what he can do, then he wouldn't have been as upset.
Beyond that, as for his little temper tantrum, I probably would have put him in a time out until he calmed down. I'd explain to him that it's fine to be angry or upset because he can't do what he wants, but he has to keep his voice down so daddy can sleep.. so if he wanted to carry on I'd have brought him to a part of the house that wouldn't have disturbed dad, and let him carry on all he wanted while I went about my business. He would be told he could come back out and play something appropriate when he calmed down and learned how to behave properly.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157650)
• United States
25 Apr 12
You know, being sent somewhere to finish a tantrum worked with my son. He would go to his place to sit and would get finished crying and would come back and be fine. My line was "You can cry if you are upset, that is okay. I just do not have to listen to it." My daughter, on the other hand, would go, and then would cry louder and louder and louder. She is an adult now and we discussed how this worked and she said that she really thought I could not hear her so she could be as loud as she wanted as she was really upset.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
25 Apr 12
Each of mine are different also. Actually, my older kids never threw tantrums when they were younger.. but my youngest throws them regularly. He's the type that will just get louder and louder the longer he's ignored, but eventually he does stop and calm down.
My daughter, who's 9 now, has recently begun throwing tantrums.. how crazy is that? She never did it as a baby or even as a young child.. but she's starting to throw them now.
A few weeks ago I walked past her room and noticed it was a big mess. I told her to clean it up or I'd take her TV away. Twice more I walked past the room and she hadn't cleaned it at all.. so after the 3rd warning I unplugged the cable to her TV and told her she could not watch it for a couple days because her room wasn't clean, and she wouldn't get it back until the room was spotless.
I left the room and closed the door and I could hear her screaming in her room that everybody hates her and she'll never be happy again!
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
25 Apr 12
My eldest granddaughter was the crying for anything type when she was little. I discovered that the only way to stop it when she was visiting was taking her to a big mirror I have in my room. I tiold her that she looked so beautiful when she was smiling, so why didn´t she stay in front of the mirror while she cried and, as soon as the smile came out, please rush to where I was so I could see it. It worked wonders. I am sure that most of the times children cry is because they want attention. I think we should give them that attention but not let them manipulate us.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
25 Apr 12
He's a pretty smart little fellow isn't he? In more ways then one. I don't blame you for being upset. No one needs that kind of attitude from a little one. My granddaughter did that for a while....when I yell at her or her daddy does she listens but when mom does..she is in for an argument. And I don't know why! But she is past it now....one time out at my house and the next time I threatened her she said....I don't want time outs at your house grandma!
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
25 Apr 12
Yep, they mainly act up to me of course. But you know my kids will respect anyone but me. It's very upsetting, the person who does the most for them they won't listen to... just push and demand. They aren't teenagers yet!
@peavey (16936)
• United States
25 Apr 12
So you actually do apologize to him? That's just reinforcing his behavior, isn't it? He needs to see negative consequences of his demand, not positive ones.
If it were me, I'd tell him that HE needed to apologize to me because his actions were unacceptable. A little time out in his room or sitting at the kitchen table with nothing to do except think about it might help.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
25 Apr 12
I try to do the sorry but you weren't behaving very nicely business. But being stubborn as mules that my kids are they'd keep whaling til they got their way. Plus with this being a small house where could I put him that hubby wouldn't hear him? Usually I would just put him in his room and tell him to come out when he could stop harping and behave himself. It's not easy trying to do this w/ a night shifter.
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
25 Apr 12
I´m sure there are many ways of stopping him from acting that way, but the most important is that he must know that he cannot EVER manipulate you. And that is something that children must start to learn from the crib.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
25 Apr 12
Don't let your child get away with that. Tell them that you have to scold and punish him when he does something wrong because that is the only way that he will learn. Do not be their friend. Be the parent. The need to learn the word "No" and the need to learn that they can't get away with everything. Children need discipline and if they do not get it, or learn it, then they will think that they can get away with anything and life doesn't work that way.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
27 Apr 12
A great learning opportunity here. Now is the time to teach him that only he is responsible for his feelings. That is not your job, your job is to be the parent and keep him safe. So many people never learn this lesson, I am totally responsible for my feelings, in fact this is one of the few things I have control over in this life. My feelings are not anyone else's fault. As a culture we have finally come out of an age when no action that we made was bound to hurt someone
and most of us felt a terminal sense of guilt because of that, well now we know
what we feel is ours, sure there have been many outside causes that we feel the way we do but we have the power to keep those from effecting our lives. If I misbehave and get punished that is action and reaction, but how I feel about this is up to me. Ain't parenting fun?
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Apr 12
At his age, that is the perfect time to start being stern with him and to also start making him take time-outs for doing things that he knows that he should not be doing. We've started this recently with my son and it really does seem like it is making a difference. These days he will do one thing wrong and he will get time-out for it and the behavior is not something that is repeated. For example, he got time-out for sass talking me and since then, he hasn't done anything like that again.
@GardenGerty (157650)
• United States
25 Apr 12
You tell him you would rather have his feelings hurt than his body and you ARE sorry he chose to misbehave.Your apology can always be that he made a bad choice and you are sorry he has consequences. That is the most apology he should get. This seems to be the age when they pick up the sassiness from school, etc. Maybe at school they apologize for having to discipline him, so he expects it from you. If he starts any sassiness in a store you take him by the hand and walk out. You can say, "I am sorry we had to leave your behavior was not appropriate" and leave the store or public place every time he acts out. It will take about three times consistently for it to work. You can also tell him he is being mean with his loudness when his dad needs to sleep.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
26 Apr 12
Have a good quite chat with him. Explain to him that if you really do believe you did hurt his feelings you will apologize to him. Just like you expect him to apologize to you if he does so. Also explain to him that it is your task as a parent to take care of him and warn him and raise him. That you won't accept misbehaviour or blackmailing from his side.
I would not care about the fact he is trying to get what he wants (the apologize) by saying this in public, at school or elsewhere. Only 4.5 years old he knows exactly how to manipulate you already (at least he thinks he knows).
@gazinglady30 (75)
• United States
26 Apr 12
I have the exact problem as you do for my 4.5 son. He is like "oscar" the chimpanzee, inside and out of the house. He doesn't want to be scolded nor wants to behave and all that. It really gets into my nerves especially if you are busy and he is acting like a monkey in your living room, trashing everything and bouncing and jumping and the list goes on and on. I guess it is in their age to be acting like this. One strategy I do is to just ignore him. And when he is calmstate, I tell him to follow what I say, or else he will hurt himself. But still most of the time,, he gets it his way. Hope he will grow out of it since school will be starting soon.
