Money As A Wedding Gift
By teamrose
@teamrose (1492)
United States
June 1, 2012 7:52am CST
I'm attending my cousin's wedding (that I'm not particularly close to) tomorrow, and for a variety of reasons didn't get around to actually buying a gift from their registry, so I was just going to give them money.
I'm giving them $50, because really I can't do much more right now. Both sides of the family are pretty well off. But I'm not. Wedding is about 100 miles away, I am not bringing a guest, I attended the bridal shower a few weeks ago (for which I did get the bride a gift from her registry) so whatever, they'll have to live with it.
But I got looking around online to see if there was a standard and came across (among other sites suggesting way more $ than I'm doing) this wedding gift money calculator: http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php
which tells me I should be giving them $195 based on the factors I input.
That just seems high to expect from a single guest in almost the lowest working income bracket, who has already attending a gift-giving festivity for this same wedding. Maybe I'm just blinded by my poor-person money-aware glasses. Heh.
Playing with the calculator was pretty interesting.
3 people like this
21 responses
@psychoartist (756)
• United States
1 Jun 12
hello teamrose! it is very sweet and gratifying that you want to give to others, in this case your family, as most people in general are more concerned about trying to get out of giving! i think your family should not expect you to give more than you are able, and being your family should be expected to be considerate of your situation. having said that, i feel quite annoyed that people who get married have such high expectations regarding gifts, etc. isn't the point that they are getting married to someone that they love and are celebrating that fact? not that they are staging a huge production and putting out expectations of further greed. is a wedding about the marriage or about aquiring things and making people who don't meet the wedding couple's expectations feel guilty. there should be no negative vibes around the celebration of love.
1 person likes this
@PageTurner (2825)
• United States
2 Jun 12
Isn't it gift enough that you are gracing them with your presence at the wedding? With your presence, you are saying to them that their lives and their new life is important enough for you to stop what you're doing and support them and their relationship.
@teamrose (1492)
• United States
2 Jun 12
Wow, I wish I lived in your world. In my world that would not be the response to no gift. We are a greedy family. Also, I have to remember when I got married, I got an awful lot of money and things. It is just my being selfish to even question the gift.
@PageTurner (2825)
• United States
2 Jun 12
Time is one of our most valuable gifts. Time, friendship, loyalty, support, grace...
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
Chinese weddings are not common to have a lot of gifts to the couple too, because a lot of the gifts are in monetary form(the red envelope / ang pao) is usually given. For wealthier people, gifts given would be not less than $200 but others don't give any. haha when i attended a friend's wedding i was not even able to bring anything. oops... i was a bridesmaid and my mom said it was already a gift because i was present and gave my time to contribute to the wedding itself.
i think any gift though would be appreciated, of course the couple can understand that... you need not worry yourself about what they say about the amount you give but what matters is the time you gave them and went to the celebration.
@vandana7 (98827)
• India
1 Jun 12
Logically, it should cover your meal expenses. lol. That way, even if there is no surplus remaining, they cant really afford to crib. lol.
But more rightly gift is a personal thing. You are called there as a witness to the wedding so that you do not let others interfere with their marriage. That is an honor to them that you have decided to spare your valuable time and take up this responsibility. Right? So dont you worry about how much you are giving. Your 50 dollars is, actually high by our local standards. So I would say 50 dollar would do.
Would they crib? Of course. But then, that is the privilege of the rich. When you become rich, which you will sooner or later, you can always return favors, and keep the relationship hot and spicy. lol
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 Jun 12
What is wrong with money or the $50? Why should it be more? Why are you defending yourself for that? What is or should be important is that you are there on their wedding to celebrate with them. If you are only invited because of an expensive present and lots of money you better stay home. If the couple is not happy with your gift please grab it out of their hands or from the table and table and take it back home! We, as a family, have less to spend in 1 week for shoppings (food etc incl. clothes, shoes etc)
@jobfindonline (1744)
•
1 Jun 12
I agree, what is more important is our presence and not our gifts. But as we all know some people invite popular or wealthy people for the purpose of gaining more gifts or in kind. Some are even surprised when invited to a wedding in which the bride and groom are not really close or personally know them.
@jobfindonline (1744)
•
1 Jun 12
A gift should be from the bottom of our hearts whether it is in the form of money or things. Please don't believe those wedding gifts calculator, it will only do no good of you. I don't think it's right to send a gift beyond what we can give just to please the newly weds or build your reputation as those are the common reasons why other people are giving higher valued gifts.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
3 Jun 12
Hello teamrose. I'm sure that you have already gone to your cousin's wedding and I hop[e you had a nice time. I think that weddings are for family and friends to witness and celebrate a couples new life together. Years ago young women filled what was called a hope chest with plans for an eventual wedding. When I was young showers were held for the future bride to help the young couple get their house set up. Wedding gifts were given for the same purpose. Some of the wedding that I have been too had several duplicate of sheet set, toaster, blender, and coffee pots. Personally in my opinion the $50.00 that you gave should have been much appreciated. You should not feel guilty because you could not give more.They could then put it where they think it is most needed.
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
2 Jun 12
Hi there teamrose.
I would not worry about the amount that you can afford to give them. Its perfectly fine to give them 50.00. Its not a fair standard. Especially in todays economy. I think that its just recommended but can be adjusted to what you can do.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
2 Jun 12
I think you should just give what you can and I think $50 is already great. They won't remember it either because you mentioned you were not close to them. My partner used to tell me to give a gift that could somehow pay my food ahhahaha.. I know it's pretty thrifty but he has a point.
I bet some people don't even give anything. Further, the couple wouldn't expect the guests to pay for their wedding too.
Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
1 Jun 12
That's ridiculous. You already gave her a wedding gift at the shower. I think $50 is more than generous considering your already gave a gift. Wedding sites tend to stick to the older more traditional rules but they were made when people had more money and mostly, I think, for the wealthier classes.
Your cousin is lucky you're even going. Frankly, I would keep the money and enjoy the wedding since you already gave them something. These are tough times and the polite rules of society have to adjust.
That is one of the reasons why we just look for presents, since if it is money it has to be big, my dad gave $100 once. 
@else22 (4317)
• India
2 Jun 12
In my opinion,you can give them money if you can't afford buying a gift.If I were you,I would do so too.
In fact,buying gifts has these days become a costly proposition.So,giving $50 in cash or in cheque is a good option.They can use this amount to buy things that are really necessary for them.We too sometimes do so.
@The_Red_Death (273)
• Indonesia
2 Jun 12
actualy giving money as wedding gift have adventage, because money have exact value than an item
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
25 Aug 12
Hi,
Many times I used to give cash in envelop as a wedding gift. Now a days everyone has his choices for the things, So when we give gift to someone and he doesn't like it it is waste. so I prefer to give cash as a gift. I give cash as much I afford.
@oby28880 (14)
•
2 Jun 12
Gift is gift no matter how little provided the person receiving it appreciates it.And you that is giving ,gave with your whole heart.Whether both families are well to do,that should not be the bases for you giving them a wedding present remember THAT WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
1 Jun 12
Wow. for my reception the average amount I got from people was $100 and i didn't have a bridal shower. I would not have really cared if the people who came couldn't even give me a gift, I was just really appreciative that they can and more so that they were able to come. And I sent a thank you card to every body, even if they couldn't get me anything. all my cousins couldn't come since they live in another country.
@asdomencil (4265)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
In our country, money dance is a tradition in a wedding. The couple will dance in the center and guests can pin the money as gift. For me giving the money even in that amount is not bad. Still, your attendance is more important. Travelling 100 miles is not easy.
If your hesitant to give money for your cousin, have small time to buy gift for them before going to the wedding.
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
1 Jun 12
That sounds like a lot. Isn't there anyone in the family you can talk to? Just in order to see how much others are giving. I think that's what I would give.
But if not, just go with whatever fits your budget. And don't mention that you used such a calculator and decided not to go with it's results, of course :)
@mercvict (127)
• India
1 Jun 12
Even though if you give them $ 5o or $ 100, the amount doesn't matter. Your valuable presence and blessings with all your heart is more important than any other gifts. So, don't worry how much you give but ensure that you bless the couple for a happy and long-lasting relationship.
