Cleaning up other people's messes.....

@jillhill (37384)
United States
July 30, 2012 8:00am CST
And I don't mean a spill on the floor! My son's wife went out a couple of weeks ago with her friends....stayed out all night and came home and told him she wanted a divorce. He was totally blindsided as he has spent the last few years trying to work his way up the corporate ladder by working nights. Well though they have been handling everything in a civil manner I feel like alot of the mess has been left for me to clean up. Like last year she wanted a new camper. We had one that was paid for but it wasn't good enough for her...So we got a new camper....but the financing is in my name due to my being able to get a low interest loan..now I have to sell the camper as I hardly used it. My name is on their house because when they bought it they were both in college and needed a cosigner. I just wanted them to be happy. It has been stressful in many other ways. I have helped my son with getting some things for his apartment so that has been spendy. They had scheduled my granddaughter a two week vacation with them and that was cancelled so I have a visitor for two weeks...which is very fine with me...but now it will be two trips to the airport a hundred miles away....and I had made other plans including reserved tickets for a concert with my sisters and brother in law. So Mom is here....helping out again...taking on what they have left behind....and this mom has learned a very good lesson from all of this. If there is a next time for my son....I am stepping back and they can do it all on their own.
4 people like this
16 responses
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
I am the youngest in my family. When I was young, I did make some mess. My older siblings helped me clean it up so I would not be caught by my parents. I think it is because they care for me that is why they wanted to help me. There is some sort of responsibility if you are the older sibling. You have to protect the younger ones. It is like a rule already. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
By the way, I am sorry to hear about their divorce :( Stay strong!
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
9 Aug 12
Yup. I am sorry too......love them both to peices.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
3 Aug 12
I hate to hear that Jill. It's hard when you have went out of your way to help the young couple get on their feet and boom..she ends it. It really does seem like your there cleaning it up. I don't know about you, but I have enough to clean up on my own sometimes without a daughter-in-law adding anymore to the list. Is there any chance they might work things out? I don't know if I would even care for them too after her pulling that. Take care and I hate that you are having to deal with this.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
4 Aug 12
I think its for the best though...and he is determined that they won't get back together....I guess the other night when he went to pick up his daughter she was out the door to go out with her friends before they even left.....he told her never again should she do that....the little one thought she was just trying to get rid of her....my poor baby!
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Aug 12
ohhh...that is a shame.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
1 Aug 12
You are a great mom for having helped out your son the way that you have done through your life. However, I do see what you mean about having a lot of mess that you have to clean up because of the impending divorce. As far as my mother goes, she has helped both myself and my husband and my little brother and his wife out a lot through the years. However, she has never been the one that put her name on the line for us. Instead, she is willing to help us out when we are struggling, but she wouldn't help us buy our house. I personally think that I will be a lot like my mother when my children are grown instead of putting my good name out on the line for my children.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
2 Aug 12
It was a risky thing to do...and it will be the last time I do it!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (48680)
• United States
31 Jul 12
So they are indeed going to get a divorce? I hate to hear that. I wish she'd be open to counseling. And you're right, if there is a next time, it's on them. It's not your job to do any of that, and they were lucky you were willing.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
2 Aug 12
It's been a sad thing for all of us. I hope she finds what she is looking for!
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11842)
31 Jul 12
I'm sorry for your son. What a shot out of the dark. Happy to hear though that they are managing a nasty business civilly. I expect they are so caught up in their own difficulties at the moment that they aren't even thinking of the cr*p they're leaving you with. Perhaps one day they'll realise, when they go through the same for people they care about. I don't suppose there's much you can do right now, other than hang in there and be there for your son, and remember that lesson. I hope you can sort out the camper and house without further expense, and that you have a great time with your granddaughter to make it all worthwhile.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
2 Aug 12
We did get the camper sold already....it only took two days. Now.....hopefully she'll get the refinancing done so my name is off the house!
1 person likes this
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
31 Jul 12
wow jillhill, it sounds like your wife son's is very very selfish,, its hard to say no to our children but its sometimes is a must because we find ourselves cleaning up others people's mess.. So sorry you are in this mess, but I really feel bad for your son...hope everything works out for him....
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
2 Aug 12
So do I .....and thanks!
• United States
31 Jul 12
Hi there Jill! What you have done for your son is great. You were supportive of him and his wife in so many ways. But I can't blame you, because it does appear that you have done a lot. Sorry to hear that your son and daugter-in-law are divorcing.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Me too....its just sad!
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I think a lot of parents have been in your situation. Especially when their children are first starting out with life and starting a family. Most parents help their children in that regard. But like you said next time your son is starting a new relationship or whatever he may decide to do he can do those things on his own. I'm sure that he feels bad that his world is falling apart and that you have to pick up the pieces. It is hard when things like that happen.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Yes. It's so hard on everyone!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Aug 12
I agree with you. How are things going now? It hasn't been much time. But as time goes by hopefully your son is starting to feel as if he is getting his life back on track. It would be nice if things like that happen everyone has enough money to get on their feet again. Divorce really does cause a lot of financial hardship on the couple and sometimes their parents as well.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Ick! What a nightmare! The whole situation is just awful. But I do believe people learn best when they have to do it themselves. We've almost always had to do it ourselves as nobody we know can afford to help us out. The in laws did a bit, but for the most part it was all on us. I think it has made us better people. If we'd depended on someone else for everything we wanted we'd never know how to deal with what we can do for ourselves and we'd keep expecting more and more from other people.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Good for you! I am sure my son will do just fine and he is probably better off now anyway.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I am so sorry Jill, I hope that it turns out okay for you. We never had the money to help our children out, and I think you were very kind to help your son and his wife. Perhaps if there is a next time, your son won't need any help anyways, since he has worked his way up the ladder.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
He will do just fine...thanks for the kind words!
1 person likes this
@alquizar (480)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
I had experienced to be with different types of people with different personality.I am a type of person that as much as possible I always wanted things to be organized and I don't want to bother other people to clean up my mess as long as I still have time to finish everything I had to do it.So far that I am living with other people I sometimes clean up their mess especially in the kitchen but after that I usually tell them to clean it next time.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Good for you!
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I'm sorry you have to go through this mess created by someone who has no respect for your good will! I know what it's like to be taken for granted. We housed and supported one son, his girlfriend and newborn baby for 4 months only to find out she "wanted to see other people"! She moved home with her mother and leaves the baby behind with mom almost all week. My son moved to an apartment. Drama, drama, drama. We had to finish cleaning their room and paint the walls!
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Dang.....next time....I'll know better!
@riyauro (6430)
• India
30 Jul 12
some people are never happy. they don't know what is happiness. And like this they make others life miserable as well. If she wants divorce, let her go. She is one selfish women I think. Once we help others and they know your nature, they start taking advantage of it. Don't let your son take advantage of your love towards him. Let them clean there mess. I feel sorry for you that you have to deal with this. Try not to take stress but leave them on their own to sort out things themselves.. good day to you.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Thank you!
• United States
30 Jul 12
That is sad how she up and asked for the divorce. I dohope by now she had sat him down and talked to him. Iwould let her goif she is bad news as well. He could do better without the problems you are facing.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Yes...he will be better off without her...she was never happy no matter what!
30 Jul 12
It is hard NOT to help our children out isnt it though! IF your name is on a lot of thier things, like the house etc, are you left in any debts because of their splitting up? I can imagine your son is devstated! But in all honesty it sounds like your daughter in law is a bit selfish and snobbish. I dont mean to offend, but she does seem tthat way to me. How are you all coping with the stress? I hope things settle for you soon and are all sorted
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
30 Jul 12
He has picked up her part of the payment and we might have it sold as it was beautiful and only a year old. I however am worried about the house as she wanted it....if she defaults I am responsible but my son assured me that he would step in and sell it....it is in their divorce decree that she has to get it refinanced without my name on it.....but there is a little girl involved too....my hug a bug and I am so hurting for her....she is confused too!During the course of their marriage he had to buy 17 different cars as she was never happy with what she had. He will be alot better off now!
• Canada
31 Aug 12
I refuse to clean up after other people, to let them put things in my name, and really to get involved at all. I try and stay neutral.