Double Income No Kids?

My view is that it is fine if they decide not to have kids but they should keep a slot in their life to think of others. There are so many opportunities if one wants to.

Jenny...contrary to your belief, she is ..happy I mean...some of us are wired like that. :)Or may be circumstances make us like that. :) Its like this...unless you bear a child, you dont know the pleasure of it? Right? Does that mean that the baby girl you hold in your arms is unhappy, or the teenager who dances on beat music, unhappy? This concept has been drilled into our head that we need to be married to be happy...that is wrong...marriage is for companionship, and children are a form of reliable savings for the future. Children ensure that monies parents earned are used to look after them in their old age. Other than that...it is the parent who invests in child. Wouldnt it be more selfless if the person chose to help a child or children who were made helpless by some calamity like Earthquake, or famine? I for one think so...and to me it does not matter if such a thing comes immediately or at the end of life...somebody gave for those children..matters. People with children dont spare for those helpless souls.

I dont get it...out here 7 out 10 married women I meet are unhappy over something or the other in their marital life ...but none divorce...I agree their share in their parental properties have been given away as dowries so if they walk out..they would be truly pennyless...starting from scratch!!! Given this scenario, the wife puts up with nonsense only because of "her" monies. We call it culture instead of being honest about it..unlike in the west. And we go ahead and push our daughters into the same hell!!! Anyway...as to single women...what you dont know, you cant really miss? Right? And to me, it would be very very selfish on my part to have a few children, and make somebody else pay for their education, or their food. That is because everybody gets to live just one. They have their desires for foreign travel, good clothes, jewelry or whatever. By spreading my hand before them for monies to feed my kids, I ask them to sacrifice their hard earned monies for my desires...that is very selfish..

In a way, people who voluntarily abstain from having kids are the most selfless ones. They do not strain the already strained resources...like water, food, and clean air apart from leading to demand for homes and thereby making the land costlier. In the end, they would be anyway leaving their monies for some charities, or even their relatives who have kids. So it is not as if they are trying to be burden on the society...in fact, people who gamble or drink and have more kids and make the rest of the world forego their desires to ensure food in the belly of such families are extremely selfish ...according to me.

Leaving money for charities after they are gone? And in their life time they live selfishly. What is important is how they live their life. I do not condemn those who opt for the DINKS concept but they should live a fulfilled life and life without a thought for others truly deserves rethinking. And this thing about conserving limited resources it is not their objective at all. When that is not their objective how can you call them selfless!

What can one do to change this scenario dainy? A selfish world? Unthinkable but it is slowly making its way there. Parents should instill in their kids the values that will make this a better world.

All of that said, I NEVER wanted to be a DINK. I was with my first husband but it was only because HE didn't want any kids. I love having kids

Some people who choose not to have kids volunteer.... or have animals, or are involved in a career where they give back somehow. I think the wisest people realize what their strengths and limitations are and live within those to the best of their ability rather than expectations of the world, their jobs, their families, and others.

I am with you on this but we need to give a part of our life to things that take us away from us for a while. It is a healthy way to live. Those who are not fit to be parents then they should atleast opt for lifestyles that include giving a thought for others.

As long as they have a slice of their life devoted to other than themselves all is hunky dory but I would never give any one full marks if they only indulged in themselves. This term DINKS has been doing the rounds since many years now. I am glad that I contributed to your vocabulary!

For any woman specially, it is a natural longing to be a mother. It is understood that when a woman becomes a mother there would be untold problems one needs to face and when one opts out of it for whatever reason the 'mother' in them reaches out to fulfil that longing by atleast contributing to society in whatever way. I am glad Hatley you understand. What triggered this topic was my cousin's daughter who has gone in for this option. Looking at her indulgent ways it bothered me no end. '

Yes, and I have known parents of such children ruin others for the betterment of their children. There are all kinds that make the world...and in the end, it is not we who decide who is good, and who is bad, it is god. And as long as a person does not harm me in anyway, physically, verbally, or financially, I wont harm them either.

If they do all that - looking after their parents, looking after their siblings and reaching out surely I am all for it. But do they? I have known couples leaving the shores forgetting their families and living a life exclusively for themselves. There is yet another important issue and that is progeny. You know how couples run from pillar to post when they want kids and how their parents visit every single temple, mosque, church or whatever just so that they get a grand child. If these parents have just one child and if this only child chooses to belong to the category of DINKS you know how desperate the world would be for these parents! I have often heard children saying not just in this case but in general that they have just one life and they would want to live it their way.

This thought about not bothering about what others do as long as they do not harm us are you sure about this vandana? From the interaction I have had, you do not seem that type. I clearly remember how you fought for your maid. That is what I am saying. We all need to do something similar and I would like DINKS to do that as well keeping in mind when they take that decision they need to find out what repercussions that will have on others. What is life without sacrifices?

Ihy..the moment there is need for the mother to work whole time, the "enjoy upbringing child" disappears...in fact that is what leads to many fights following a child's birth...especially in homes where it is essential that the girl work to run the hearth. Believe me I have seen it with my own eyes...in my neighbor's place...the lady is too tired to be working, cooking, and looking after the baby. If the boy's parents or the girl's parents have health issues...it is really tough..for girls who are slow...surely we cant condemn them...3 years...why dont you have kids. Wait...may be 10 or even 15 years later..when they have enough stored for the lady to stay home..and if things are not improving to their satisfaction...then they might adopt in about 25 years time. :) One more aspect that allknowing has perhaps not considered is the way society ridicules. So if brother is rich, and the sister is not. Chances are that sister would like to keep up with brother...by foregoing having children. This is because of this inherent need to remain a family. If the disparity increases considerably, people do get left out or ridiculed for cheaper clothes, cheaper cars, cheaper gifts, etc. :( Net net..we dont know exact reasons...whatever be the reasons since this does not harm anybody in the society...it is a personal call. :)

Their decision not to have kids for whatever reason is fine.But we all owe something to society and looking at some of these DINKS who live selfish lives triggered this topic. There could be many who would have opted for this with a view to contributing to the betterment of the world in whatever way. These are my thoughts based on what I have seen around me.

allknowing so,in your point,cuz we are all owe sth to society,so we couldn't live the lives as DINKS which is selfish,and then ,we should raise child,right? the reason i set a premise is to illustrate that DINKS,if are chose by vast majority of people around the world,is a devastating thing to the survival of human being.but this could never happen. DINkS will always be the choice of minority.They could never impact the society at large,so,why do we have a bone to pick with the dinks?

I am glad you brought it up. I too feel strongly that Marriage is an institution and the couple has to fulfil certain obligations as per the will of God!

You have a valid point as in my circle alone there are so many that have opted for this. And if this trend continues your fears could not be wrong!

Marriage is an institution ordained by God.There is more to it than just quaranteeing happiness.If you enter into it to fulfill God's purpose and plan for your life;you get fulfillment and everlasting happiness(joy).

Having people around you who only think for themselves is not a good development. It is fine if they decide to give part of their time to social causes.

I love Hatley and I absolutely agree with her. People should make choices based on how they feel and what they want, NOT based on what other people think or society. I just wish there was a way that we could do this, since many times people are not able to do what they really want because - both have to work to make ends meet, or one stops working to take care of a child because they can't afford daycare - or someone's birth control fails multiple times and they have 3 kids in three years when they weren't even ready for one. Life is messy, isn't it? People need to balance - between looking inward on their own desires and looking outward.

Wow Hatley..you put it so well...because they love and want..not because of society. :) And being compelled to "nunnery" is also not right..why should we confine the need to do good to only such people...we exercise social pressure on them to spend their hard earned monies in the way we want...its so nice to expect others to spend for something that we want or feel...without letting out a dollar from our pockets! No...everybody should be good, whether they have kids or not...

Yes...but most people out here need double income to make the two ends meet...

We all need to give our time caring for those who need caring. If these couples have plans to adopt or spend time caring for the needy it sure could be a good plan. But there are many who do that with selfish motives which is not a good thing.

Couples work to take care of the needs and wants of their families . I do miss the extra money since I only work on call but I don't miss the job lol.

If one were to imagine the life of a couple who earns only for themselves reeks of selfishness. Every couple has a choice. If they choose not to have kids its fine provided they also have an activity that thinks of others. You are justified. Couples work to fulfil the needs of their children.

@AidaLily Life without struggle is meaningless. If one were to eat only sweets that is not called good eating. My topic mainly concerns those indulgent couples who will marry and get all the pleasure without pain! Marriage is an Institution and God wants us to fulfil it in all respects. That show I went for was for all including adults. But funks like me should not have gone really but it eased my tension when in the chair at my back there were these kids bringing life and making the whole thing tolerable. @mommyboo - Kids have to be understood and their cacophony needs to be enjoyed! If one has a disease of getting worked up to children's noise then they need therapy!

Talking about children's movies I remember going for a ride in one of those rides where children enjoy. I was not sure what was in store for me. I was mortified and so was my lady friend but not the children. I could hear them merrily saying "Scooby doo where are you..." It was dark in there. And those sounds that the kids were making somehow soothed us! Children are a major part of this world. Without them the world is devoid of happiness. No doubt some of them take you for a ride (not the ride I was talking about!) but with proper training they could be brought round.

@allknowing: Lol. I could imagine it being a bit strange. It is nice tha the kids singing soothed you. @mommyboo: I fully agree with you. Common sense should prevail over stupidity. I mean those people I mentioned left the place with these disgusted looks on their faces because the establishment wouldn't kick the kids out of a kid's movie. They made a lot more money on the parents whose kids wanted to see the movie than two people who apparently thought there would be no kids. On top of that, the showing ended at 8:30 and they didn't really show it after that because they wouldn't make much money. Even my husband when I told him later thought it was stupid. When we want to go on a super romantic date, we follow very simple rules. We don't go to places where children are allowed or allowed past a certain hour such as Dave and Busters. We don't go see animated movies if we are going on a romantic date. We don't go places where we find it perfectly acceptable for people to bring kids and expect kids to be taken there. If we do go to one of those places, we expect the kids to be there. These people get so worked up about kids ruining their day because they don't like kids. I read an article a while back about these people who wanted to ban children from grocery stores and the like. I want to just tell them to get over themselves. They have the freedom to go out later and it is their fault if they don't want to.

The choice of an individual does have a bearing on society. A selfish individual can destroy peace and harmony as they will stop at nothing to achieve their goals.

An interfering person destroys peace and harmony ...not a selfish person..

Wanting children in one's life is a natural longing and most are ready to bear the pain and discomofort that is involved to bring them up. I don't think people scheme about wanting them in their old age. As you know that is not the case these days as parents themselves encourage their kids to leave the shores seeking greener pastures. But there could be exceptions as in your niece's case not having the urge to want children which as you know is not natural.