That job is beneath me, but the food pantry isn't  

My goodness... i had a very good education but when i was abroad i still worked as a waitress just to earn enough money...i even considered working at Mac Donald's... maybe your friends don't really think that they are in a financial crisis...maybe they are still in denial since they are still planning a vacation...

But i think your husband is right...the kids are the ones who will be hurt the most if you stop helping them... but i think you can just reduce the amount of help you are giving them... like stop inviting them for dinner... but invite the kids over for a sleepover...

Hey,
U did not respond to my message i sent u few days back.

"why should we continue to stick our necks out when one half of the couple is unwilling to help themselves and the other half mismanages money so badly?"

and thats what it boils down to right there! I'm much like you and have really REALLY gone out of my way to help ppl I know who are less fortunate or are struggling etc, even when REALLY I couldnt afford it..but its my nature so I did it anyway...UNTIL I find out they are taking the clothes I give their teenage kids to wear themselves OR the money I've left them goes to pot or beer after I'm gone and so on....Its obvious to me that these ppl you know REALLY DONT give a crap...Even if for example this vacation they are planning is being paid for by someone else...the SMART thing for them to have done is say to the giver somehting like

"as much as we appreciate the offer would you mind terribly instead if we used that money to get caught up on our bills/rent/get food in the house etc"

And the fact that Jane things waiting tables or working at McDs is "beneath" her...well hell that would set me off right away...YOU HAVE KIDS TO FEED..HOW COULD IT BE BENEATH YOU?! Ppl like that need a serious slap in the mouth as far as I'm concerned..I'm sorry I realize they are your friends but thats just b.shyt IMO..when you have children to care for, clothe, feed etc being "better than" or holier than thou is NOT an option!!

Sometimes the more you help people the more they expect you to help them. Instead of seeing your help and support as a sign of caring and friendship they are now just taking it for granted, I think you do need to help them less so they help themselves more. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, you can still do little things for the kids but I wouldnt do no more than that. I dont think you are wrong in feeling slighted, after all you are going out of your way to help your friends and getting no sign of appreciation back its like they are not grateful for what you and your family are doing. No its time to draw the line and let them stand on their own two feet and if they dont help themselves then it is their own fault, sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to really appreciate the trouble they are in and finally do something about it. If they are so badly off for money they certainly shouldnt be going on holiday! I mean we had the choice this year of having 2 weeks holiday or 1 weeks holiday and doing the garden we had to choose 1 week and the garden because we just cant afford to have it all, we all have to make sacrifices and they should be no different!! Good luck hope you manage to sort it out.

Personally, I would stop helping them. I don't think there are many women in the US who have not worked in a fast food restraunt or waitressed to help their family get by. If Jane things she's so much better than everyone else let her husband deal with it. He also needs to give those games back to his kids...he's just as bad as she is!

I have a friend JUST LIKE THIS. She's got a sense of entitlement. I've been babysitting her daughter, including many overnight sittings. Her husband is in Iraq, and I thought she needed the help.

She seems to come over every time it's meal time. I cook sit down meals for my family every meal, and she frequents burger joints. It started to cost a lot more money in groceries when it was every evening she showed up at dinner time.

She wrecked her car in October. Since then I have been her means of transportation. She was starting to get picky and demanding about when and where she needed to go.

My husband has been deployed as well. He was gone twenty months straight to be exact, and I took care of business.

This past year, we took my father in law into our house. He had terminal lung cancer, and passed away this October. Since he died, I've wanted to quit smoking. I called the clinic, and there was no class with Chantix until October. So I waited, inspired and ready.

I called the day before to confirm she would watch my boys. She told me three times, check with daycare, check with daycare, check with daycare. She knew I already had, and they weren't available.

Nice, right?

I'm over it. You should be too:)

I would have to agree with you all the way. Why should you and your family support these people who are too stuck up to earn an honest day's pay at a fast food place. Yet able to afford a trip to Vegas. Probably to gamble and lose what little money could have gone to feeding their children. I would not give them a dime however if the kids were in my home and seemed hungry then I would feed them but that would be all.

Oh my dear, you and your husband are such kind and generous people. Bless you. It would leave me speechless to hear that these people would ask you to take their 4 kids for a week while they go to Vegas. Waiting tables and working at MdDonalds provides an honest living even though it does not pay well. If this is beneath Jane suggest to Jane that she starts cleaning houses.(I am being a bit sarcastic) Here where I live the ladies get $60 to 75 for 4 or five hours of cleaning. It is so sad that these people take advantage of you and your family. One other respondent made a good suggestion. Stop inviting them for dinner but keep lots of contact with the kids and have them over. If the lady keeps complaining about the hard times they are going through just suggest that they have to help themselves if they want other people to help them. Best of luck.

I don't think you are wrong.I would feel the same way if I was helping someone the way you are (and it's not you alone...your whole family helps them) and they don't care. It seems like the lady isn't trying hard enough to find a job. She can work at McDonald's and look around for a well paying job. No job is beneath anyone when they have to feed their children. She seems to have got used to all the 'help' she is getting and is taking it easy.
Maybe your husband is right...but she might realize when the kids are hurt, wouldn't she? I mean a vacation when they don't have enough money to make ends meet? I would have asked about it...especially if I was helping them out the way you guys are.

I'm all for helping people but only if they are trying to help themselves.
There is plenty of work she could be doing. Sounds to me like she is just LAZY
and expects everything to be given to her. What makes her think she is better than anyone else? At least the people who are working at McDonalds are trying to make a difference in their lives. She is below them because she isn't even trying. I get so mad when I hear people bitc* and complain and then sit on their a$$ and do nothing to change the matter. She should have to go without. Just do for the children and to hel* with her. Maybe her husband will wake up some day and leave the bitc* to fend on her own, otherwise he is going to live a miserable life with someone so selfish that she would let her children go without rather than work. He must be a wimp to put up with her. I have known people like them and I still can't understand them. Sometimes you just have to quit helping to get these kind of selfish people to wake up and face the future.
If she doesn't want people to see her working outside her home then why doesn't she babysit for some of the mothers who do work. From what I see that's a good way to make some extra needed money. Where there's a will, there's a way.