I want to save my marriage - ideas?  |
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 My marriage is on the rocks. We are in marriage counseling now and after only one session I think I am more confused then ever.
Let me give you the short of the story. My husband came to me about 6 weeks ago and said he wasn't happy. He said that he wanted a divorce. I told him that wasn't an option and we talked through things. We told each other the issues we were having with each other. We both were working on them.
About 5 weeks after the talk our 4 year anniversary was coming up and we talked again. He said the same thing. At first I thought I didn't have a choice and said okay. I'll call my attorney and get things started. The more I thought about it the more I realized "NO" I don't want a divorce I want to work it out. I as did he promised to love the other for better or worse and I am sticking to that. So I called a marriage counselor instead. He was dead set against it at first and I talked him into going.
The result MORE confusion! He says that he doesn't know if he wants to try and work it out. Says that he doesn't see a future with us. I say we are worth fighting for because we were good together at one point. He uses the words "I don't know" very often to the point where I want to hurt him if he says those words again!
I just don't understand how you spend 5 years (4 years married) with some one and just give up. So my question is - HOW DO I SAVE MY MARRIAGE??? I know that you don't know every thing that is going on, but if you have been in this situation or know some one that was tell me about it. What are the things you do to keep the 'spice' in your relationship? I will respond to any questions you may have. Thanks in advance for your tips, input, opinions and any advice.
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| 71. hazelsweetme (56) | 1 year ago |  Have you ever ask him why he is not happy. Have you ever thought that maybe he has someone else. If that's the case... would you still fight for him. Just let him go...and if he realize how important you are... he will come back to you. Sometimes to work things out is to let things go. He just don't know for now your importance in his life. Let him experience a life without you. And when he chooses to be free...it's not your lost. It's his. Meanwhile make yourself more beautiful and sexy.
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 ebsharer (2474) | 1 year ago | Yes I have - Please see my comments for more info and the link to my update discussioin. | |
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| hazelsweetme (56) | 1 year ago | Yup I've read your update. Very happy for you. In fact your story is close to mine. So happy for you. Good day. | |
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| 72. 34momma (4793) | 1 year ago |  you can only save a relationship that both people want to save. I mean if you are going to counseling continue to do that. see how that works out. but you can't keep anyone in a relationship if they don't want to be in one.
the most important thing to do is be honest with yourself. know that it's not your job to make him happy. he has to be happy with who he is and then want to share that with you. once you sit down and be totally honest with yourself then be honest with him. honesty is the key. not anger or fear. after that if he wants to go then honey you have to let him go. i know that is not what you want to hear, but i am telling you girl it's the truth and the only way you are going to be able to deal with what ever happens. be honest with yourself then him, and if he wants to go let him go with love.
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| ebsharer (2474) | 1 year ago | Its not perfect yet - but will get there. At least to "our" perfect! | |
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| 34momma (4793) | 1 year ago | and that is the only perfection that really matters anyway | |
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73.  Modestah (7932) | 1 year ago |  ah
that is a tough situation. People are happy or unhappy as they choose to be.
as far as spice - I think that is a big part of the problem for many marriages - the expectation of excitement and "spice" and then the let down when it ceases...
Reality is it can not always be that way and as a marriage matures and family and responsibilities change so do the other dynamics.
The best thing is what you said .... that is not an option. stick with it.
marriage is not dissolved because of boredom or laxity or even because of divorce.
something is going on with your husband, some sort of crisis. try to stay compassionate despite the temptations that come with this sort of revelation and shock which is so injurious.
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| 74. dpodoll86 (1) | 1 year ago |  Well for a change I will say this. I am a man that is trying to save my marriage from eternal damnation. I strayed a few years ago and my wife can't forgive me for it and she can't forget about the past. I am doing things that no other man would do to try and save his marriage. I don't know what to do right now. I moved almost 100 miles away from her for one of these trial seperations. I want nothing more than to be with her and our son. I can give you some advice though, go to this website. It has helped me become more creative and its amazing what you will find. www.lovingyou.com if anyone has advice for me it would be great. any female advice would be wonderful.
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| ebsharer (2474) | 1 year ago | Here is my update:
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1686666.aspx | |
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Washington 72 Hr Dissolution of Marriage No court appearance. File by mail in 72 hrs. Guaranteed. $149. www.helpyourselfdivorce.com | add comment |
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| 75. bamakelly (3961) | 1 year ago |  This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.
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communication in marriage Free information and advice on having good marriage communication. www.MarriageEtc.com | add comment |
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| 76. ronaldinu (7780) | 1 year ago |  Two months have passed since you started the thread. You have received a lot of replies. I wonder whether you have read them all. I wonder whether you had a positive outcome or whether you have proceeded with the divorce or not.
Honestly I don't have a magic solution. However I do advice the following
1) Pray for your husband
2) Spend quality time together.
I know that this is the hardest time in your life.
Keep strong. God bless.
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| ebsharer (2474) | 1 year ago | wow I never even realized you had left this comment! It has been 6 months since I started this now and things are okay. I have started 3 thread since this one updating. The last one was about how he filed for a divorce. He has since changed his mind again.
We are alright right now. Not great not bad just alright. We are both working on things together and seperate. He really still has a lot of work to do on himself before we can fully get back what we had.
I will update again in a few months once we have moved. Oh yeah thats the other thing we are going back to FL. Hopefully things will get better once there and around family. | |
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| ebsharer (2474) | 1 year ago | PS I read EVERY single response and comment MORE then once. I also printed this discussion out on about 80 pages and gave it to my husband to read! | |
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| 77. photographygirl73 (1982) | 1 year ago | It sounds like you are the only one who is really trying to make this marriage work. The truth is you need two people to make it work not one. The Bible states that the only grounds for a divorce is when one or the other of you commits adultry. Then by the Bible's laws you are then free to re-marry. So I am guessing that neither one of you has commited that sin, so neither of you are Biblically free to move on. The only thing I can suggest is maybe the two of you can try getting away for a week or if that is not possible maybe a weekend. Go someone place nice that just the two of you can enjoy. It seems that you are on the right track...you both need to re-descover what it was that made you two fall in love in the first place. Talking it out is deffinately a good idea. Ask him what it is that is making him unhappy. Tell him that you really want to make this marriage work but that it takes two of you to do so. Sadly if his mind is set on getting a divorce there is not much you can do about it. But know this....you are not at fault here. It seems to me that you are trying everything you can to make this marriage work. If this marriage ends in divorce, then the fault lies with him & not you. | |
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| ebsharer (2474) | 1 year ago | Well your about 6 months and 4 threads late! It's okay it reminded me how far I have come in the last 6 months. Since I started this discussion my husband and I have been on a roller coaster of emotion. He changed his mind about 90 times in the last 6 months.
In Sep he filed for a divorce. In October when I received my paperwork I asked him if he was sure and he said yes so I signed my paperwork and the waiting period of 90 days started. Late October he came back to me and said he made a mistake he does want to be with me. I accepted him back into my life yet again and we have been doing alright since.
Right now he and our daughter are in Florida they are staying with my parents and I will be down there for Christmas. In Janurary I am going to put in my notice at work and be in Fl with them some time by the end of Jan. We had a great life in Florida filled with family and friends where as here in Pennsylvania we don't have the family. We are looking forward to starting ut life over again. Both of us have a lot of work to do on the relationship and he has a lot of work to do on him.
We have cancled the divorce paperwork and hope that we never have to go through that again. We wish for the best but know that time will tell. I know he is my one and I think he feels the same way. He really just needed to see that what he had was good. He took the time to see that and knows we are good together.
Thanks for the well wishes! | |
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