Do You Think There Are Exceptions To Using The 'N' Word?=^..^=
By kellyjeanne
@kellyjeanne (1576)
United States
September 7, 2008 5:07am CST
Earlier today I got into a scuffle with a black person. He really got defensive and ended up calling me the 'B' word. From what I've observed I guess I'm one of the few women who don't like to be called that (nor do I call other women that) and I in turn called him the 'N' word. Of course, he got angrier with me and told me not to call him that. I plainly stated that I don't appreciate being called the 'B' word and stop calling ME that. Every word I said went in one ear and out the other.
Now, this is what makes me absolutely furious..... He calls me the 'B' word and it's alright. No big deal. I call him the 'N' word and all of a sudden I hate black people? What's wrong with this picture? How come it's so alright and accepted to put women down, but, it's an issue if we say anything derogatory to the person who called us a 'B', especially if it's a black person???????
My intention in calling him the 'N' word was not to stoop to his level. It was to make him realize that as much as he doesn't like being called the 'N' word I don't like being called the 'B' word. Again, like I said, it went through one ear and out the other.
Let me also state that I don't 'hate' black people and I don't go throwing around the 'N' word nor do I go throwing around the 'B' word. Both words I avoid using. I've only used the 'N' word 3 times in my life and each time it was in response to being called a 'B'
I just think it's very unfair that the 'B' word registers no response whatsoever from people, but, the moment the 'N' word is uttered everybodys teeth is set on edge and their hairs stand up! It's disgustingly unfair and I've had it up to here with it!!
If you don't want me to come back at you with an equal response DO NOT call me a 'B'. (I do this with any person if they call me a 'B'. I don't 'target' black people!)
You want me to respect you????? Well, you have to respect me!!!!! It has to be a two way street!!
Why do I get this strange feeling that what I just wrote has just gone over everyones heads??? I give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija (my furangel)
3 people like this
12 responses
@owlwings (43897)
• Cambridge, England
7 Sep 08
Well, we all know how well cats and dogs get on so I can quite understand what an insult it is to you to be called a 'female dog' ... you are a queen, of course!
I find it very odd that when a white person uses the 'N' word, it is always considered highly insulting, yet there is a black culture where the use of the word is almost a compliment and if you are called such, it means that you 'belong' or something of the kind.
I recently read the following, which I think is very perceptive: "If someone insults you ... the end result would most likely be anger. What actually happens first, however, is that the insult causes a disruption somewhere in your body's energy pathways. It's that disruption that causes the negative emotion of anger....not the insult itself." Here is the article: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252/EFT-in-the-news/Lindsay-Acupuncture-Today.htm
Now, I am personally not sure about a great deal that is written about 'energy pathways' and chakras and so on. I know that there is a lot of truth there somewhere but I am just not always easy with the way that it is sometimes described. What I do know is that the technique that the article was talking about does work in defusing the kind of anger (and hurt) that we experience when we are insulted like this. It also helps in a great many other things like migraines, phobias, addictions and can even deal with long-term physical problems like back pain.
EFT is so easy to learn (and free) and so simple to put into practice that I believe everyone would benefit from knowing about it. Imagine what it would be like if, instead of feeling intensely hurt when someone calls you a 'B', the arrow just bounced off harmlessly and you were able to laugh (and perhaps defuse the other person's anger and frustration)!
1 person likes this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Hi owlwings!
I think I know what you are getting at when talking about pathways. When I'm insulted the first thing my mind does is a kind of 'double take' and then as it snaps back like a rubberband that's when the anger and hurt set in.
Thank you so much for your response!
Have you ever watched those Walgreen commercials? Everything is utter utopia. Wouldn't it be great if life was like that? You know.......just watching those commercials can be very calming for me.
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
2 people like this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Hey, that would be a great topic!! LOL!
Since you are in the U.K. chances are you probably wouldn't see that commercial anyway. For me they are just so calming to watch.
There was a long period in my life when I didn't have a T.V. and it was great because I managed to get so much done, but, now I need T.V. because I'm on Disability and suffer from Debilitating depression, among other things...........:)
The three things that keep me going are my cat, my T.V. and my laptop!
Have a great day and an even better one tomorrow!
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
8 Sep 08
i think that this is just a black/white racial issue of lack of respect for each other in society. instead of using the n word or the b word, you should have told him that if he wants you to respect him as a black man, then he has to respect you as a white woman. i am not sure who i am talking with right now, but i am just assuming u r white. u r both similar in a way, because both ur past had similar lives. in the past blacks and women were disrespected in society until equal rights for women came and martin luther king jr and malcolm x for blacks' respect. so u should understand each other that u both lashed out each other because you both are sick of the disrespect that you have gotten from others in society, and have had it and need to say derogatory terms on one another to make each other feel better and more superior than the other one, when in reality neither of your are that different, and u reacted the same way in ur frustrated situation.
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
14 Nov 08
because u talk too much crap...like diarrhea in the mouth...
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
14 Nov 08
I think that's funny that u assume she is white fifileigh. Why is it always a white vs black thing? There are other races out there. She could just as easily be latino or something.
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
10 Sep 08
If you read an earlier response from me you will know that I didn't call him a 'N' out of anger and frustration. I used the 'N' word to show him how it feels to be called names. I didn't yell it at him either. I said it calmly and quietly.
Obviously, it didn't work! LOL!
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I know what your're trying to say. Thing is, it is NEVER okay to call people names. That old saying, "two wrongs don't make a right" rings true here as far as I can tell. I'm not being self-righteous...Ive done the same sort of thing in anger....just saying that neither of you is right. You probably won't like my answer but that is my honest opinion.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I just read thru some of the responses and I understand that you were trying to raise his concious-level but the fact is ...he was angry and it would not have worked. What would have worked is if you had talked calmly with no name-calling thru the entire conversation. He would have walked away feeling (even if he didn't show it to you) every bit the jerk that he was being. You may have even calmly said, " I will listen to you but please refrain from calling me names." And if he did not, simply tell him that you will discuss things with him when he is in a better state of mind. Then walk away. That will raise his thinking.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I hate the N word and do not use it or tolerate anyone around me using it. But then I hate all name calling and all prejudice so I wouldn't use either. I do understand what you are saying. Him calling you the B word is no better than you calling him the N word, and it is just as wrong for him to call you that and if he couldn't get that then he is just ignoring the explanation and trying to put all the "blame" on you and not taking responsibility for what he did in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
10 Sep 08
I agree with you! I hate the 'N' word too, just as much as I hate the 'B' word. They are both terrible words.
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@lanlan011 (701)
• United States
10 Sep 08
I feel you arent racist of any sort. Im black and I dont like being called the N. But I feel he was wrong because he had the nerves to call you a B but he gets mad when you call him an N. I understand your situation and I see why you called him the N word. It was to get him to open up his mind and see how you feel. For some reason black people always feel that caucasians have something against them . I however do not feel that way. You were right and he disrespected you. Im glad you explained why you called him that, and I know you were not stooping down to his level. I totally agree with you.
1 person likes this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
10 Sep 08
Thanks for your support, lanlan011!
It means a lot to me especially because you are black. Most black people I've talked with feel that it would be racist. Under normal circumstances it would be, but, my intention was not to slur him. I think both words are very ugly and should never be used, but, we don't live in an ideal world. I'm definitely not a racist and have always been very open and honest with people, no matter what color or ethnic background they come from and I appreciate it when others are the same with me.
Right after the incident I met a friend of mine, who happens to be black, and I told him about it. We've been friends for almost 5 years now and when I told him about it he just laughed and then I ended up laughing too and then we hugged each other. I'm glad I ran into him because he was just what I needed to get me through the after effects of it. He's a good friend and I feel very fortunate to have him as one.
Thanks again for your words of support!
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@prinzess1515 (1341)
• United States
8 Sep 08
The "N" is a racial slur, he wasn't being racist towards you so there are in no way equal. Now if you called him an "a$$hole then yes that would of evened out. You stooped really low and that is just wrong.
1 person likes this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I understand what you are saying, but, the bottom line is that it doesn't matter what kind of 'slur' it was because he 'slurred' me. Did he not? It is a fair exchange because the 'N' word is particular to him as a black person and the 'B' word is particular to me as a woman. A$$hole is NOT particular to him as a black person and therefore would not have made the point. Anybody can be called an a$$hole!!!! Since he called me a 'B' he used a word specifically aimed towards me as a woman and a fair exchange would be to use a word specifically aimed towards him as a black person. THAT makes it a fair exchange.
I feel very sorry for you because you are a woman (well, you would not use the word 'woman'. You would use the word 'girl') and I imagine by your response you don't mind being called a 'B' at all and chances are very great that you throw that word around yourself very liberally. That in turn would result in your hanging around a low calibur of men. Mind you, when I say low calibur I'm not talking economically speaking. I'm talking about the attitudes that they hold toward women. After all, you can have an excellent job and still think like a moron. The sad part is you are so used to this mentality toward yourself as a woman that you don't even recognize it when you see it and even if you did you think it's alright.
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
•
7 Sep 08
Everyone wants to make a special case for themselves, to have different rules apply to them than those they apply to others. Now, of course, in a way this is correct, all circumstances are particular and ethics should be particularist but that should not be used as an excuse for special pleading.
So, if it is wrong to call someone n1gger then it is wrong to use any term that may be offensive. Of course we cannot always know what is offensive. Recently, I learned that some Americans take offence to being called a 'yank' though others do not.
Context and culture are also important, it is not unusual for workers on site to great each other with phrases such as, "Alright, you old bastaad" not to cause offence but as a friendly greeting.
As someone once said, if we all called each other n1gger pretty soon the word would loose its offensive nature.
Trouble is, you are not going to get through to him whilst he is angry.
all the best urban
1 person likes this
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I understand where you are comming from. I don't like being called the b word ether. And it sound to me as if he is one of those people that want to use the excuss of pregetsom. Well guess what!!! he can't clam how bad he has it anymore. After all a black person is running for president. So what is he going to cling onto now. I am so sick of people thinking they should get special treatment because of who they are or what color they are. I have worked heard all my life and nobody has ever handed me a special treatment. I am sick of people who think they should get special treatment and can talk to others like they are sh_t....
You have ever right to be upset
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Right on tonniek02!
Thank you for your response and I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Bill Cosby wrote a book entitled, 'Come On, People!...On The Path From Victims To Victor'
He covers many issues, but, the main precept of the book is that black people are, to a very large degree, their own worst enemies by constantly using the 'gangsta' street language in everyday life. This helps to keep the prejudices flowing. Of course, this is a small part of it, but, it sure doesn't help.
Anyway, to continue......
Many black people stay in this mentality and use it as an excuse for remaining the victim and keeping the sterotypes alive and well. It's like a never ending vicious circle. I apologize for not using the correct words here, but, I think you know what I mean.
I don't know if we are allowed to post links so I will just ask you to type in the book title in the search field of whichever search engine you are using and you can read excerpts from his book.
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@SandynPaul (171)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Great place to vent Catwoman, but I take this all in a grain of salt You were mad. He was mad. You should not have said what You said any more than He should have said what he said. He called You what He did because of Your gender, You called him what You did because of his behavior, and wanting to gain his attention, problem is His attention was gained and it just made him madder that He couldn't even hear anything then, it all passed because of his anger then. I must wonder where a situation could get so bad so fast that the 2 of You could both be there and get into this, and I hope You can avoid it. Even when I go to the store and want to strangle someone cause they took my parking spot I don't get into a confrontion with that person knowing it wouldn't be good. Cause You don't want to know how bad I could be if someone really had my wrath unleashed at them. Trust Me no matter what learn from Your mistake and find a way out after the first bad word that miffs You next time. God Blesses! Sandy
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Hi Sandy!
Thanks for responding!
The important thing to remember is that I wasn't angry when I called him the 'N' word. I was upset, but, I didn't spit the word out in anger. It's also important to note that I have never nor would I ever simply call a black person the 'N' word. I would only use it when I'm called the 'B' word.
True, he may have been too angry at the time to concede to what I was trying to get across to him, but, hopefully, in the future he will stop to think before calling a woman a 'B' again. Who knows? Maybe not, but, I at least have to try.
I am fiercely proud of the fact that I'm a woman and I DO NOT LIKE being called a 'B' and I WILL NOT take it from anyone.
I find that I am more unusual than most women, which is very sad. Most women say they believe in Womens' Rights yet at the same time take the, 'boys will be boys' mentality and don't do anything to help change that thinking. They accept the 'B' word and even use it on themselves and others. I truly believe that these women deserve to be treated like trash because they make it harder for those of us who stand up for ourselves as women. Men are so used to confronting women who buy into their BS that when they meet a woman such as myself who doesn't buy into their BS they get angry and call us 'B'! This truly makes me want to cry.
Please don't misunderstand me, Sandy, I'm not angry with you or yelling. I'm just trying to make a point.
I simply was trying to get the guy to understand that I didn't like being called a 'B' anymore than he liked being called an 'N'. For me it is very much worth it.
As I said before, right after the incident I talked with a friend of mine who happens to be black and we both ended up laughing and hugging each other. He knows I don't hate black people. We've known each other for over 6 years or so.
Anyway, that's my $5 worth! LOL!
Have a great day and an even better one tomorrow!
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@syankee525 (6249)
• United States
8 Sep 08
see i don't have to read the whole thing. first of all he's a jerk. his momma must not have raised him right to talk to a female like that. no women should be called that at all. just like the n word shouldnt be used at all
but if some would look it up "the n word" it actully means a illmanner or rude person"
i think they need to do away with that. hes just a jack a$$.. don't lower yourself to his level.
but i do agree with you about the b word. i think people need to be more nicer to others.
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
14 Nov 08
If it's ok to say the B word, it's ok to say the N word. I dont think you did anything wrong and I certainly dont think u r racist just for saying that. I think that it is so stupid that everyone is so touchy about race, but it's socially acceptable to be sexist. I dont get it either kellyjeanne. Many people have accused me of being racist too without me even saying that. People are just idiots.
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Thanks for your response, sketch. That's exactly how I feel too. Why is it alright to be racist (which I'm not), but, it's okay to be sexist? It just seems very unfair. Life can be very confusing at times, huh?
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
You can call me Cat or Catwoman=^..^= :)
@heaven11 (1159)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Hi unfourtanlly I hate the n word so i dont use it nor can i tolrate someone using it here is what ive always been told about that word A N is a piece of trash weather it be black white asian ect.
now on the other hand i see clearly what your point to call him that was and obviously that didnt work so since you couldnt get him to open his eyes and realize that being called any name can be hurtful or not even hurtful it is just plain rude and incosedrate.
now here is something i have never got how come it is ago for them to use that word to each other isnt it the same thing because as i said earlier the meaning of it is just TRASH so regardless if you are the same color why doyou want to be called trash
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