i'm really mad at the husband...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Yes absolutely true!!! I don't know why she doesn't have her own, I didn't ask. Boy I felt so bad for her as she was in tears about it. Trust me he would have had his ear chewed off if he did that to me without asking me first.

Absolutely...I used to save up money without my husband knowing as he was a spender. When we broke up..I had plenty and he had none!

You were very wise to save.

I believe that there should be no secrets between a man and wife but it's nice that we should have our own money to spend as we like..

I can understand you both being mad at that family member..BUT! WAS IT HIS FAULT! Not at all..it was both of you for not having looked deeper into this. I never go into business without going in the deep end of it.

Second..Why did you give in? I don't give a dam how angry my husband would have been. Actually, I did do that and he was really teed off but later down the road was kissing my feet!

The problem is when it comes to family and friends we tend to trust them..I DON'T..not when it comes to money| Many have tried and have failed.

So the cousin isn't to blame..you just can blame yourselves for having not looked into it and yourself for having given in. Like I said I don't give a dam what my husband thought when it came to business. I told him..*you want to get into this..find you're own money!*

My husband boworred money and lost! His problem, I told him I wasn't going to help him to return that money and he had better not deprive the family. So he took on a second job to pay it off.

For me my children came first. I didn't give a dam what friends and family thought of me being*so hard* but in the end..I was tokd that I was really MONEY SMART.

I still am.

You might be angry that I say that IT'S BOTH YOUR FAULT and not the few family members..but reflect on this:

1) You are both adults
2) You went along with your husband
3) Your husband thought it was a good deal
4) So did you if you went along with it
5) No one twisted your arms
6) You both had time to think it over
7) Did you really check it out?

No one is to blame for our actions, we are ourselves to blame. I never ever blame anyone. People are always surprised that I don't even talk against my x..why should I. It would make me pass of as a woman who didn't know what she was doing to have married a loser, which would mean am no better.

It was perfect when we married..things change..things we don't see when we go out with someone comes out later. Things happen that we don't expect..so am I to blame my x? I'm responsible for my own life and I just turn around and make it even better. Today he is sick, is now living with our son and imagine his suprise when I showed up at the hospital to visit him! Now! That even shocked his family knowing what he done that I would go visit him.

I always remembered in our culture..am a native. When the Chiefs would go to war against each other. If a enemy chief fell ill..the other enemy chief would find out what was wrong with his enemy and then send his medicine men to heal him. Why? Because there is no honor of defeating you enemy while he can't defend himself.

Also, God said, if you find your enemy hungry and naked, feed him and give him your new coat. I will give you even a nicer one.

so my x is down and ill. What good will it do for me to lash out at him while he is sick? He is paying enough. Me I'm healthy, I have a nice home, car, friends, money.. What does he have? Nothing, absolutely nothing. No home, no money, no car, no health.

Who is better off? ME! Why? Because I have always given God whatever anyone has ever done to me and went on with my life. Actually, my son was amazed when I said, if your father needs anything let me know.

He asked me why after all he did to me. I said, It is more rewarding that I help him get better, as he will always be remorseful for what he did and I am helping him. His being dead isn't going to do anything for me. You want revenge..be kind hahaha

Thank you..I appreciate that my advice helps. Oh I have lost some few dollars with people but I never ever got angry, actually, I would pray to God and say I give it to them and God would give it to me back. Besides who is worse off? The one who owes you or you? The person is because that person has to live with it and ends up paying the piper..trust me ..one way or another you pay for what you do.

I never have not paid anyone back in my life and if I was going to be late..because my money didn't come as I expected it.

I helped out a friend the other day. I gave her 30$ and food because she hadn't received her money yet. She was so happy and said that she would pay me back the money. I said no..you are in need and I don't want you worrying about it. God will give it back to me double.

And He did..two days later a friend called wanting to by my Native Healing Tonic I make..saying she needed 4 bottles..so I made 60$..double of what I gave.!

I would probably not be friends with a person who would deliberately scam me but I would blame myself for not checking it out properly..and you know most the time the person who offers you a money opportunity doesn't always want to scam you.

It's like investing..you take a chance..my son lost 1600000 because of the recession. Is he blaming anyone? Nope..just himself because he didn't listen to my adivce. I told him yesterday, if you had listened to me..you would not only have your money..but probably much more.

Well, that is life.

Girfriend you can cry on my shoulder anytime..that what friends are for..never say you are sorry. I am honored that you trusted me enough to come to me. Yes, I figured that it was maybe best I started it..seeing how you were but I didn't mention any names to keep it confidential. I thought it would be good to open a discussion on that because many women are caught that way. I felt so bad..I would have like to be there to smack him one.

As long as your relationship is fine..it will always be that way..you hope.

Well if it gets to where i can't trust him i won't be with him. I can understand people being upset over the situation.

That's kind of funny. I don't trust anyone,ever. When I married my hubby, (I gave in after much argument. I loved the big palooka.), I refused to have our accounts together. He was fine with it. Even encouraged it. Later on, we combined it to buy a house. After it was paid off, he insisted I get another account just for me. Not because he didn't trust himself, but because he knew I felt more comfortable having money he couldn't touch.

Even if someone can be trusted, it is better to have another account. There will always be a 'just in case.' What if someone tries to sue him, and wins? They can take everything he owns. But they can't take what's in your account, cause he doesn't own it. There is a good reason to think ahead.

Of course it was stealing.

True..up to all the bills should be paid..50/50 what is left..but if I make more money besides..I like to keep it for me..and I don't mind that my man does the same..

Exactly, we shared also and kept money we made on the side for ourselves to have a little independence. We made sure the family was well cared for first the rest was for each other to do what we wanted.