What do you think about soap in the mouth??  

she's three.

Thank you for bringing up a good discussion subject. When my son was young, in second grade he was using some awful language on the playground about other kids mothers . We got proof that he was saying these things and then my husband put soap in his mouth . We let a therapist know about the soap in the mouth and she told us that she thougth about reporting us for child abuse . She told us
that we should put our son on the school bus in the morning in his pjs because we had trouble getting him up and ready for school. That is not abusive , but soap in the mouth is?? I'm sorry but if I were a child Id much rather have the soap then to be put on the school bus in my pajamas . I could never shame my kid in front of everyone on the bus !
I don't see anything wrong with the bar of soap in the mouth if they are old enough to know what they are doing and you heard it or have proof of what they said .

barehugs, I agree with your thinking. Most kids young enough to have someone with them when they're having a bath don't use bad words in front of parents. (Toddlers who have had heard bad words may, but they're toddlers. All anyone has to do is calmly say, "Don't say that." and otherwise let it go. It will pass.) Once a child is past about two, though, they don't usually use those words around adults.

When kids get to be more like middle-school age they'll use those words with friends, because it's just what a lot of kids do - but who cares, as long as they know enough not to talk like that in front of adults or strangers. Most parents aren't thrilled to think their older kid is outside with friends, using bad language; but it's what a lot of them do.

If the child is one or two and goes through the "bad word" phase then parents need to understand that's their age; and if children didn't hear the bad words they wouldn't try using them, to see what kind of reaction they get. If they get no reaction (other than an under-played and calm, "don't say that") it will pass. It's unfortunate when children are treated harshly because parents don't understand stages of development. When parents do that kind of thing it usually seems as if they're actually kind of "proud" of the way they put their child in his place. They often tell stories about what they've done, as if they'll be getting another bunch of parents "on their side" and saying "rah rah rah". One of the seeds of being abusive is getting involved with proving who is in "control" (rather than understanding, guiding, and gaining respect without physical force); so I think using soap (or hot sauce) is the sign that a parent is misguided, doesn't know the right way to handle the situation, and doesn't quite understand proper parenting techniques. Children learn good behavior and respect when they are treated with those things.

It is not wrong to show dominance over a child. In fact if we do not most of the time they take advantage of the situation. When I say "because I said so..." I'm telling that child this is my house and my rules..just like any parent would. There are consequences for things we do that displease those in charge of situations. ...for instance in grown up life if we speak in those terms to police officers it can get us arrested. We do not give our children harsh consequences because we are abusive. We give our children harsh consequences because the consequences for doing these things to people that command our respect are often dire and irreversible. To speak that way to a commanding officer, to talk that way to a policeman, a teacher, clergyman, would be embarrassing and wrong. SO, we punish them because to do these things is wrong and to not have consequences of some kind is wrong. Children are NOT small adults..they are children. They have to be taught through example, consequences and boundaries that we set for them up until such time as they can make their own judgements. If I let my daughter call the shots (she's six) she would not only swear like a sailor, but she'd climb everything she wanted too..and that means school walls, water tower ladders, trees, bridges. This kid thinks she's a mountain goat. If I don't tell her not to do something and she does it and falls and kills herself...is it her fault or mine? If some kid gets arrested for rude and lacivious conduct for harassing a girl is it his fault or is it his parents' who didn't bother to teach him simple manners? We cannot watch our children 100% of the time so we have to instill in them the idea that if they do the wrong thing, something will happen whether we catch them at it or not.

I'm not so much directing this at you, as at all parents who think "my parents did this, and I'm ok."

It actually did hurt you, in that it didn't teach you the right way to teach children right from wrong without being abusive. It taught you nothing about child development stages and generally laid a foundation for your not knowing how to be the best parent you could be. Children not treated with respect respect parents (and sometimes others) just that much less. Children who are not treated with empathy don't learn how to be empathetic. They trust parents to know how to handle a situation correction, and when parents resort to something so disrespectful children often learn to trust those who are supposed to know better. There's a whole string of things children learn when parents don't know the right way to teach right from wrong, which never includes the "I'm bigger than you and can be really nasty" approach.

You may not have grown up to be a criminal or a mental patient, but when people say the kind of thing you just said it shows that their parents did them a disservice, if in no other way but in not teaching them the right way to be the most effective and loving parent. You may discover, though, that when you did have your own babies (and if you do have the normal, protective, instinct that most parents have, and if you do truly respect that they are little individuals who look to your example) you will decide to use some other method to teach them right from wrong. That kind of thing does happen.

People on here will notice that I have "strong feelings" about this kind of behavior in parents, and I do. That's because, even if using soap, by itself, is not something that leaves permanent physical damage, the thinking that goes into being a parent who chooses that "technique" is a damaging kind of thinking that "leaks over" into the rest of parenting.

Quite frankly even though you said this wasn't aimed at ME it was, you chose to post it in response to what i said...not to the first person that said it (first responder).