Our house is in foreclosure. He's gone too far this time.

Hi kidd, thanks. I've actually been seeing this coming for awhile now. I just didn't know that he could be so irresponsible since he preaches responsibility to my kids (his stepkids) so often. They're adults and on their own now but my husband has had a chip on his shoulder regarding my boys since we moved here 2 1/2 years ago.

I'm also surprised that it didn't go into foreclosure sooner. I even said that to my husband when I opened the letter from the mortgage company last week. Maybe it took so long because of the massive amount of foreclosures already taking place and they're just now catching up to us.

Luckily, the other house is only in my name. This house is in both our names. But, as I am unable to work and do not buy anything on credit, I'm not worried about my credit taking a dive because of this. Oh, I'm plenty pissed at him, believe me. I'll definitely be seeing him in court and he won't like it.

He does keep a lot to himself but I've been asking him throughout the past 6 months if we're okay with the bills because of the additional $600.00 on the mortgage payments. He has kept saying that everything is fine.

He just told me, when I IMed him in Chicago, that he'll take care of this and it will never happen again. Right. I've already had the electric guy come to the door to turn off our electricity. The money was sitting in the bank and he paid the man on the spot but it should never have come to that.

He's proven to be an extremely irresponsible person. He's lied to me. He's put me through hell regarding my sons who are both responsible people and have always treated him with respect. He doesn't like them coming over.

There's way too much disappointment in this marriage for me. It's going to be a pain to move again but at least I do have a place to move to. That house is paid off. All I owe are taxes which are reasonably low. He will NOT be going with me. I'm tired of his BS and his excuses. It is time to move on and I'm ready.

Thanks, Hatley. I'm planning on doing just that. This house is, unfortunately, in both our names but, as I said above, I'm not worried about a bad credit rating. It won't affect me. I have that other house, like I said. It's in my name only and is totally paid off. I have an electric account already in that house so I won't have to apply for one. All I'll owe is $320.00/year for taxes.

Why he is doing this, I have no idea. I've been asking him if we were okay money-wise and he's always said yes, we were fine. I guess that was so I wouldn't pound on him for buying so much beer.

He already owes me about $100,000.00 from money I've lent him over the years. He said he would pay it back. He promised he would pay it back. We've already discussed his false promises. We've talked about the issue he has about my sons coming over to visit once every week or two. He has always hated it.

The man has some really serious issues. He'll never get help for them, either. I've tried to make him see that he needs help but he just gets drunk. (He's an alcoholic.)

It is going to be a big pain to move again but at least I have my two strong sons to help me with it. Maybe my husband will move out soon after he gets back from Chicago and I won't have to deal with him. Once I do move, I'll be looking for a divorce lawyer. He'll be paying me spousal support, at the very least. I'm disabled and he is doing this to me, which is not the first time. We've almost had our electricity turned off for non-payment. The guy was at the door to turn it off and my husband wrote him a check right there. The money was in the bank, he simply had not paid the bill.

No, "Mr. Responsibility" is not responsible at all. I can never trust him ever again. He told me, just tonight, that this will never happen again. I know it won't because I'll be gone. He's so pathetic.

I'll be okay, though. I'm a survivor!

Hi vonmac. Luckily, I am the sole owner of the other house. I have two strong sons who can help me with the moving, too. I owe nothing on the other house; all I'll have to pay is $320.00/year in taxes.

I'm sad because I really love this house but, since I've had nothing but problems with my husband since we moved here, I'm glad to be leaving it. I haven't been able to make real friends with my neighbors because I've been too embarrassed about my husband and the way he lives.

This will be a move for the better, for me anyway. What he does with the rest of his life, I don't care. I do want to take out a large life insurance policy on him before this all goes down, though. He drinks too much and eats horrible foods. His cholesterol is 338 and he doesn't care. I'd be stupid not to get life insurance on him! He said he'll sign it so that's cool, as long as he means it.

He has major problems that he won't address other than to get drunk, often. He knows how I feel about that but doesn't care. I know that my stress level will go way down once I'm away from him.

I'll be okay. I'm a survivor.

I think if he is willing to sign a life insurance thing, and he is accepted, I would be buying the highest returning policy I could get and make sure at least his death would make me a well off woman for the rest of my life.
I am so glad the other house is yours.
My ex husband is an alcoholic and I had years and years of misery and lost a home as well.
I to had somewhere else to go, but sadly I wasnt as smart as you and didnt think about cashing in on him killing himself with booze. I got a quickie divorce and paid everything myself just to be rid of him, he wass and I suspect still is a real bas tard. Excuse my language, but its the truth and it does me good to talk about it
Thankfully I have had a wonderful man now for 12 years who makes sure we are solvent and he doesnt even drink or gamble, and he works hard.
I hope it works out well for you, and I further hope that the economic crisis is over when he pops his clogs and you make much profit. You sound like you deserve it.
Ive been there, so I know.

I will be taking out the largest life insurance policy I can on him. He has one at work worth $100,000.00 and I am the beneficiary of that but, even if I got that money, it would be like his paying me back the money he has borrowed from me. (He owes me $100,000.00 that he promised to pay back... yeah, right.)

If I can get a half-million dollar policy, I will. I'll get term life, too. Those premiums are much cheaper than whole life. I know he won't live for 20 more years, not the way he drinks and eats.

I just hope I start receiving my benefits from disability before we have to get out of here so I can get that policy.

I just spoke to him on the phone. He said not to worry, he will take care of it. I asked him how and he seems to think that, by telling them that I'll be coming into this money, they'll stop the foreclosure process. I told him they don't work that way. They'll tell him that unless they get the entire amount, plus legal fees, by a certain date, the foreclosure will take place. It's just his thinking that he's always right that makes him think the bank will go along with him. He's a friggin idiot.

But, I won't be giving him any money for this house. He makes over $80,000.00 a year, plenty to pay the bills. I was going to use my money, when I get it, to get the bills caught up but I had no idea we owed so much. I told him tonight that my money will not be going to catch up, not while he's still wasting money on beer, cigarettes and everything else he wastes money on. He's had it his way far too long. I'm finished. I'm so tired of all his BS that I just want out now.

Guess I should start digging up my fruit trees and berry bushes that I planted here. I don't want to leave them behind. I have the room at the other house and I don't want to think of this as starting all over again. I'd like to have something that I've worked for come with me.

Geez. Well, I'm very happy for you to have a good man now. I'm sure it's a very pleasant change! I doubt I'll ever find one so I'm not going to look.

It sounds a lot nicer where you live. Here, in the U.S., the government doesn't give a hoot about us. They don't care if I have a roof over my head or not. Luckily, I do have that other house. It is mine, alone, and it is paid for.

My husband has a very weird kind of pride. He is definitely full of himself but apparently unable to handle the bills. We don't even have that many bills! There are no credit card bills... oh, wait. Yes, he did open an account with an electronics store for himself. My SUV is paid off (I paid that off with my own money) but he still owes a lot on his truck (which he didn't pay off when he had money he got from the sale of his old house). I don't know what he does with all his money. He is an alcoholic but always drinks beer and always buys it and brings it home. He does not go to bars. I'm tired of trying to figure him out. He's caused me so much grief in the past 2 1/2 years that I'm happy for it to be ending.

He still owes me about $100,000.00 which I loaned him and he promised to repay but I don't think I'll ever see that. I will, however, take his azz to court and get spousal support.

Too much grief, too much stress, too much heartache. It's so over with me. My sons will help me pack up, move, and unpack so that won't be an issue. It's a pain moving, but this will be my last move... ever. I will grow old in my other house. My youngest son wants to move into that other house, too, so I won't be alone.

I'm just glad it's over. I was trying to decide what to do and when to do it. Now, I know.

Good luck.

There will be no getting any loans here, ibuemma. My husband has ruined my credit along with his. I doubt the mortgage company will be willing to work with us for the second time in 6 months. Also, I don't want to be with him anymore. He's killed that.

I think my husband has some screws loose. I've tried to get him to go with me to marriage counseling but he's always found an excuse not to go. He's an alcoholic. He has some serious issues that stem from his childhood that he has never addressed and probably never will.

I know that he's probably scared to come home right now. He's away on a training thing for his company and comes home tomorrow night. I've put up with so much crap from him that I simply refuse to do it anymore. In marriage, I've always believed that our spouse should compliment us and vice versa. In this marriage, that is not the case. I've bent over backwards to help him but he doesn't lift a finger to help me. He has even said that he's doing his part... going to work and paying the bills.

Well, he'd be going to work even if we had never met and he is not paying the bills. I have no feelings for him at all now, other than total disgust. I can't wait to get out of here and settled into my other house. That's my new goal.

Thank you so much, lelin. I've been debating about what to do and when to do it for awhile now. He has disappointed me too often. Major disappointments, too. When my mother died, we were moving here from another state. I had to move all of my mother's things out of her apartment at the same time. He didn't lift a finger to help me. That was my first big indication that we had a problem, 2 1/2 years ago.

So, this is really no big surprise to me. It wasn't HIS money we put down on this house, it was mine. We put $100,000.00 down on this house, all my money. So, he won't cry about losing anything. The really strange thing is that I've spoken with him about selling this house and he always said no. He has a lot of demons in his head and they will kill him if he doesn't shape up and get help one of these days. I'm just not going to be waiting around for it because I doubt it ever will.

Yes I wouldn't wait around either. He seems set in his ways and for him not to lift a finger in helping you when your mom died is a big red flag. Just remember you have the strength and power to do for yourself and you know you can do it.
Take care and May God Bless you always.

Well, the other house is in my name only and it is totally paid off. All I have to do is pay the taxes each year and they are only $320.00 per year. I can handle that.

The reason I haven't left before this was because I do love this house and he has been easier to get along with since we talked about his issues with my kids. I may still love him but that is not enough of a reason for me to stay. I would love to see him get help for his demons and become a happy person but I have no intention of sticking around to see if he does. Actually, I honestly don't feel anything for him right now. I've been picturing myself in my other house, alone, and I'm not unhappy. Actually, I know I'll be happy away from him. No more stress, no more disappointment, no more negativity.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now. I knew it would come to us separating but I didn't know it would happen this way! The only thing I didn't know was when and where. Well, his inability to be a man has helped me to know when and where.

All I've been doing is waiting for my disability benefits to start. I was finally approved at the end of August but have not yet seen any benefits. I will need some kind of income and the disability payments will be plenty for me to live on in that other house. I just hope they start soon!

No, he won't follow me. His warped sense of "pride" won't allow him to do that. Besides, my other house, which is in my name only, is south of here about 250 miles. His work is east of us, maybe 275 miles from my house. He just got this job last April after being unemployed for 4 months, through his own fault. He's been bragging about how much they like him at his new job... too busy bragging to pay the mortgage, I suppose.

I've already started packing. He's been away all week at a training seminar and I've been going through my things and getting rid of anything I don't need or want since he left. Now, I'm putting stuff in boxes.

You know what hurts the most? I never finished UNpacking from when we moved here! That was 2 1/2 years ago and my mother died at the same time so I had to move her stuff here as well. My husband hasn't helped me one bit with anything so I still haven't gotten to all the boxes. Well, at least I won't have to repack them, huh?

I plan to get everything I can from him, Pam. I've earned everything he has and then some for putting up with his BS all these years. Yeah, I know a divorce judge won't have any pity on him because of the way he has treated me, especially with me being disabled. If I take him for all I can, maybe he won't be doing this to anyone else in the near future.

Moving is a pain in the butt but I have been mentally preparing for it for some time now. That's why it's not a shock. The only thing I will be sad about is that I love this area and my other house is 250 miles south of here. But, a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do, huh?

I'm looking at this with a positive attitude. I know I'll be much happier once I'm out of here.

Do you have any support? Someone to help you move?

My sons will help me move. They have friends if we need more muscles. As for support, I guess they are all I have, except for my friends here in myLot. My youngest son has expressed a desire to move into that house so he'll probably be going with me.

I have been approved for disability but have not received any benefits yet. I wait every day for the mail to bring me some good news. It shouldn't be much longer. It has already been 4 1/2 weeks since I got the approval letter.

I think my husband may have been waiting for my approval and getting that large check for the arrears. They are going way back to April 2000 with my benefits so the check should be huge. But, he's not going to get a penny of it. I've already lent him $160,000.00 during our 5 years together but he's only paid back $60,000.00 of it. Nope, I refuse to bail his butt out ever again.

I will be taking him to court, too. Divorce and alimony. Once I produce records, I know the judge will side with me 100%. My husband will have his beer so he won't be lonely. He'll probably go live with his sister who likes to take care of him like he was a baby.

Judges never side with anybody 100%. I'm not saying that to disagree with you. I'm saying that so you'll temper your expectations with reality.

Good luck to you.

Yes, malamar, that's exactly what it is. The last straw. Fate has stepped in and helped me make this decision. I knew this marriage was over a long time ago but have not had the means to leave because I can't work and have no income until my disability payments start. (They should start soon. I was approved over 4 weeks ago.)

It just seems like very good timing for this to happen. I don't have the money yet but I know it's coming. I refuse to help bail my husband out... again. He's proven his irresponsibility to me over and over since we were married. I'm the disabled one. I should not be taking care of him financially... that's his job.

I will do everything I can to work on improving a bad marriage before leaving it behind. He has refused therapy, he refuses to eat better and will not even slow down on his beer drinking. He does not want to work with me and obviously doesn't care how I feel about these things. There is nothing to keep me here anymore.

I'm glad, in a way, that I did start thinking about this earlier and have had a plan in place. I don't really want to move to that other house because it is 250 miles from here and my oldest son has a house up here so I'll miss him. We can visit, though, and my youngest son will move with me. Or, I can gather myself together while down there and sell that house when the time is right and move back up here to another house that I buy with the profits.

Thank you for the well wishes, malamar. I know I'll be a lot happier and much calmer once this is all over and done with.