My cousin's wife
By laydee
@laydee (12798)
Philippines
October 6, 2009 12:56am CST
I was at a dinner party last night with family and friends celebrating the birthday of my uncle. Now my cousin's wife is about 7 months pregnant with their first child and I was amazed on how 'detailed' she was regarding her pregnancy and what she wanted.
I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think she overdid her research just a bit.
She began to tell me about how she'd direct her ob-gyne regarding her queries and researching on the best way to do the labor. I mean, yeah, it's good for us to suggest, but to question a doctor's authority on something she'd been doing and have studied several years for is something I would not appreciate if I were her doctor. Don't you think?
She told me she questioned the procedures done because she had 'read' somewhere online about the implications and what better practices were to be done.
I just simply nodded and kept quiet while she told me informations (and most I'm sure were researched). But my point is, if she wasn't confident about her doctor doing her job, then why not switch other doctors?
Do you think it's ethical to question the procedures just because you 'read' somewhere? I'm really amazed on how patient her doctor must have been having to hear all her qualms about every detail to the point of what position she'd like to do her labor.
I mean, whew! I'd hate to be in her doctor's shoes. And worst, it's her first time, I doubt the pain of labor is how you 'read' it.
What do you think?
3 people like this
21 responses
@jacobsguardian (108)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I don't think it's wrong for her to bring up concerns, but I see far too many patients that do "research" on the internet or hear certain things from their friends and then it causes them to question their doctor's judgment at every turn. Doctors don't always have the answers, but I certainly wouldn't trust the information or opinion of someone on Wikipedia or the "diagnosis" of WebMD. And as for her "birth plan", I had to actually write one out for my first son, but I can honestly tell you we don't always get what we want in that respect, because every labor and delivery is different and never goes how we think it will.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Oct 09
hi jacobsguardian just my two cents listen to your doctor over the stuff that is on the net, I read that it was safe for people to eat nuts, and berries now even if they have diverticulitis so I proceeded to eat two big cupfuls of black berry. okay in a week I started to severely hemorhage from the rectum, the result I had to be hospitalized until they found out where the blood was coming from and stopped it. the final result, blackberry seeds had imbedded into one of the diverticulie and broke open a blood vessel. a final test with a barium enema did stop the bleeding. the diagnosis was severe bleeding diverticulitis caused by blackberry seeds.so so much for info on the net versus info from my doctor who had said no seedy berries no corn, no nuts. next time I will listen to my own doctor,not some screwy info on the net.
2 people like this
@jacobsguardian (108)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I think ultimately doctors try to help their patients by being well-informed and up-to-date on medical advances, new medications, etc. and it's best to listen to your doctor than to take the advice of quacks or biased medical sites on the internet.
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
6 Oct 09
laydee,
I think your cousin is just being concern especially since you mentioned that this is her first pregnancy. After all, it is her own body with her child inside, it is only right that she pays more attention and seeks out a better or second opinion for her condition or any irregularities that might have arisen.
There is also another rampant fact that medical practitioners are being grossly negligent with their job. I do not know if you have been reading the papers where lives have been lost due to these negligence and miscarriage of their professionalism. I do not feel that we should take a doctor's prognosis or diagnosis without first getting an in depth knowledge of the prescriptions, treatments and/or procedures. Also, that there should be close particular attention of our reaction to prescriptions or treatments.
Just the opposite, if her gynecologist is really professional, I am sure he/she would be objective with your cousin's concerns, explain and implement a better medication or treatment. I would not think that any professional will be unreasonable or uncaring to their patients like your cousin.
In my opinion, your cousin is not over demanding or reacting, and I just wish that all of us would be like your cousin, meticulous and not take anything for granted.
Take care.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Well, I know she's just being concerned and all, but to the point of questioning what the practices are? I don't think she has the right to do so, it's several years of practices. I think her ob-gyne is just patient and has been through a lot of know-it-all mothers that's why the doctor know how to handle her.
1 person likes this
@happy6162 (3001)
• United States
7 Oct 09
You are right about a doctor if he/she is a professionalism then they will not mine if someone ask questions about something they have read. I heard about the medical practitioners and how they are negligent when doing their job. I do think the cousin's wife should be able to ask the doctor about what she has read and get the doctor opinion on it. It is the woman body and she is the one delivering her baby so the doctor should do all he/she can to reassure the woman about the procedure he/she will be doing.
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
8 Oct 09
laydee,
I am sorry but I still do not think that she is in the wrong as she is also aware of your country's "quack" medical professionals. I do not feel that being careful is anything wrong.
Also, even if she is overboard, I think you need to remember that since she is pregnant, she could be going through some anxieties which is due to some physiological problems like hormonal changes.
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
6 Oct 09
The internet is a wonderful place to get information, as long as only reputable sites are consulted. Doctors do not have the time to explain every little detail, so for those who want more information the net is a blessing when used wisely. As is the case with all good things, the net can also be a curse when used wrongly and I'm sure many doctors (as well as those in numerous other professions) groan when they are confronted by "advice" patients received from the net.
I think it is quite OK - and even a good thing - to ask questions of the doctor and we should expect the doctor to answer our questions. However, it seems your cousin not just asked questions, but ordered her doctor. If she had communicated her thoughts and wishes as a "What is your opinion of ...?" or "Would it be possible to ...?" I'm sure the doctor would be accommodating.
2 people like this
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Uhh, I think you're right about the pain of labor. Reading about it is one thing experiencing it is another. As I told my daughter when she was pregnant with her first child; having a baby is like trying to pass a 37 Buick between your legs! And the pain is kind of like you're being turned inside out by a small person who reached up inside... My daughter promptly decided right then and there that she didn't want to go through labor- at 8 and a half months it's a bit late to turn back! 
While I researched my total knee replacement, I didn't question any of the procedure simply because I haven't ever done any kind of surgery; so what right do I have to question the procedure that the doctor is doing. The only thing that came up was whether I wanted to have a spinal or general. I told them the general because if I had any inkling of what they were doing they would be chasing me around the room like a crazed wild cat!
I will say that if I were that woman's doctor, I would be a bit concerned as it is often those who have done so much research that decide that the doctor did some little thing wrong and they decide to sue.
While I researched my total knee replacement, I didn't question any of the procedure simply because I haven't ever done any kind of surgery; so what right do I have to question the procedure that the doctor is doing. The only thing that came up was whether I wanted to have a spinal or general. I told them the general because if I had any inkling of what they were doing they would be chasing me around the room like a crazed wild cat!
I will say that if I were that woman's doctor, I would be a bit concerned as it is often those who have done so much research that decide that the doctor did some little thing wrong and they decide to sue.2 people like this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
I do agree with that, though she has the right to know, it's different from questioning the doctor's authority. Plus, knowing in theory doesn't mean you know in actual.
And you're right about the experience thing because it's far different (I guess since I haven't really gone through labor) so I think she had better shut up about the questioning and trust that someone who can really help her when her due is up.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Well, I do think we have to be pro-active regarding our health and the health of our children. I think it would depend on how she went about asking her questions. It is one thing to be knowledgeable and certainly she has the right to ask her doctor how she feels about certain procedures. To tell the doctor how to do her job is a bit much. We have to remember that not all we read is completly factual. I know when I researched ADD and the meds given when my daughter was suspected of having it, I did not question the doctor. I read quite amount of books on the subject and got quite an array of opposing information on all sides of the issue and its treatment. I then found a doctor that I felt I could trust that was highly recommended in this area and took it from there. If I felt I could not trust my doctor and his professional advice then I would just have to change doctors. If your sister has read up on a certain method and feels that it is best for her then she should search for a doctor that practices that method and one whom she trusts and is comfortable with.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Oct 09
laydee well your cousin's wife should not get too hung up
on internet advice as a lot of it is pure bunk. Her doctor
should be the one to go to for advice on pregnancy not
some random sites with names she does not know, and maybe
are not even legitimate m.d's. it is always the wisest
thing to do ,trust your doctor, and if you do not trust
her,find one whom you can trust.Doctors have trained for
years and most keep up on the latest techniques and info
so yes they are better than odd ball internet sites that
may not be even associated with any medical people at all.
She will find in time that the pain of labor cannot be
'described in a book.
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
6 Oct 09
Your cousin is pregnant and she has tested the patience of her doctor.I have seen some old people do thsi and always believe thta we should not.It is for the doctor to drive home the point.WHat can we do?Some doctors are far too busy to listen to anything by their patients and such doctors would be good for her.
2 people like this
@maximax8 (31042)
• United Kingdom
10 Oct 09
Your cousin's wife sounds like the sort of lady that would like to have a natural and active labor. She probably wouldn't want to have much pain relief given to her. She has researched childbirth so she knows a great deal about it. Many ladies write the birth plan saying they want abc but due to complications they get xyz. There is nothing like personal experience to let someone know the pain in childbirth. I wonder how she will get on with her doctor. He will be into medical procedures but your cousins wife very much has a mind of her own. 
I hope your cousin's wife will have a very good time in labor with her first birthday.
I hope your cousin's wife will have a very good time in labor with her first birthday.
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
hello laydee,
i agree with you. they say that little learning is a dangerous thing. i feel so sorry to your cousin's wife not her doctor for acting that way. hope she will realize that what she is doing is not right and that she must be ashamed of herself.
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
10 Oct 09
maybe she has had bad experiences with other doctors, and she is just trying to make sure she gets the right treatment for herself. or, maybe she is one of those people who reads a lot and read something cooler, hoping her doctor would provide that instead. sometimes doctor dont necessarily provide the best procedure, but rather what they feel like doing, whether the most expensive one to get more money or whatever the reasons are. i think she is smart, and she should test them to make sure she is getting the right procedure or treatment for her.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
11 Oct 09
Yes it may be good that she's reading, but refusing necessary vitamins because she feels they are not 'organic' enough but eating pizza instead is a way irony of things. But hey, it's her body, so I was just wondering how her doctor would be feeling like. hehe
@6precious102 (4043)
• United States
10 Oct 09
I think your cousin's wife is very smart to question the doctor. I remember hearing about a woman with cancer who questioned the treatment suggested by the doctor, found out the risks involved, decided to seek other forms of treatment and was cured of the cancer. Sometimes, probably most times, the doctor is right with their diagnoses and treatment; but sometimes it's good to question the doctor or get other opinions.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
7 Oct 09
There was a time when I would have agreed with you, but not anymore. I have had my share of doctors who do not know anything about my medical problems, some have even asked me what meds I wanted or what procedures I wanted after I did not the research. I also use to do telephone surveys with doctors and it was scary what they either did not know or thought was right because of old out dated teaching. Today, I would not see a doctor without doing my own research first. Doctors are not gods over their patients and should not be trusted to know everything just because they wear the white coats and carry a stethescope. People have to take charge of their own healthcare and I applaud your cousins wife for taking charge of her care.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
11 Oct 09
I know where your standpoint is, and I also understand hers. There really are doctors who are not really unintelligent, but perhaps they just don't find time to explain to their patients very well the procedures etc. But what really drew me to this thought was the fact that she is (I guess) over researching and believing what she's reading (of course there's nothing wrong with it, but the fact that the internet has both valid and invalid information) over her doctor's. I mean, she chose her doctor, didn't she?
Well, I guess she just didn't have confidence in her doctor, but I think if she didn't have confidence at all, she should have had second opinions with other doctors in the area before she reaches her final pregnancy stages. Don't you think?
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
13 Oct 09
I don't know if she does not trust her own doctor or doctors in general. Even the best doctors are lacking in certain knowledge and most of the time consumers only know this when they do their own research or someone tells them something that they then take back to the doctor. I cannot tell you how many times I have complained to a doctor about something and he/she either blows it off or laughs at me because they don't now the answers. Sometimes I give them info that I learned and then they start to take me more seriously or tell me they did not know the information. I sometimes suggest my treatments and they go along with me. Please understand the doctor patient relationship will be much stronger and effective if it is treated as a partnership with the patient understanding that the doctor does not have all the answers (nor the time to get them all)and that the patient has to be responsible to keep up with knowledge about his/her own conditions.
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Hello laydee...Are you doing okay?
I have seen people that are like this. They want to research and tell the doctor what they know. I think it is just a fear of what is about to happen. She probably is really scared and she wants the doctor to know that she knows everything that is going or might happen. Myself I would want to be the opposite. You know like before you have surgery that they tell all the what-ifs. I would prefer not to know. Maybe her doctor can see thru her and be patient with her and her words. I too would have been shocked on what she was telling you too..Have a great day and keep smiling my friend..
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
Hi ladee! Well for some it is really irritating to hear somebody talking too much about her research, as if she learned everything by just reading. But I think ob gynes know exactly how to deal with women like her.
It is just normal to ask questions and suggest something to your doctor about procedures because that involves you. Doctors also encourage their patients to discuss things with them for that is better rather than ask others who are not professionals and trained. However, questioning must be done in good way.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
7 Oct 09
I totally understand where you're coming from. I am afraid that people tend to overdue the internet. She thinks shes omnicient because she read a few articles. If I was her doctor I would thank her for her information but I would also let her know my opinions and what I feel comfortable with doing. If she forces a doctor to try a procedure he or she isnt familiar with she cant blame anyone but herself if there are complications. I think she's doing it because she is a bit nervous that something may go wrong. I was the same way. Just not as neurotic. I remember when I went to the birthing classes. I forgot everything once the labor started. Contractions have a way of making you change your mind. Usually you'll do whatever it takes to get the baby out as soon as possible. You will have the last laugh I promise. lol I always laugh when I meet people like you sister in law. THeir intentions are good. But it always changes once that first contraction comes. You'll see, dl
1 person likes this
@jlamela (4897)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Hello!
Actually I am also obsessed in reading informations online and in books and very cautious with my health by reading magazines and books and doing my own research regarding pregnancy and other concerns, but I never insisted things what I read.
Well, your cousin's wife should be ethical enough not to question the procedure done by doctors after all that's their profession and very well informed what to do. She has no right to dictate doctors what to do because they are aware what they are doing. If your cousin's wife will still continue with that kind of behavior there are chances that doctors will be irritated with her and she will be banned in many clinics and that will be a real complication.
@sharlionse (739)
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
I think that's too much, having to talk about your condition with a doctor, you have to be polite at least because the doctor is the one helping you with it.
@jashoaf (296)
• United States
7 Oct 09
You doubt the pain is how you 'read' it? No, mostly it's worse, because it doesn't follaw any scenario. She needs to trust her doctor.
However, the more prepared she is, the better she will cope, so that's good. She sounds like a micro-manager, though, and I'll bet the doctor is very patient. I don't think it's good to micro-manage, or tell a professional what is right or wrong. I do think it's good to question.
Generally, doctors are very open to things like the position you want to try. Labor is hard and spans several hours, and however you want to get through it is usually OK with them.
1 person likes this
@trilliansramblings (160)
• United States
8 Oct 09
It's important for people to do proper research and be knowledgeable concerning their own medical treatment. Doctors are not infallible. They are human, except they are humans who are responsible for the medical care of a lot of people, not just one person. I agree that reading Internet articles is not enough; there is way too much misinformation on the Internet. But people should play an active role in their own medical care. This woman may be a bit of a nuisance to her doctor, but if she begins to develop symptoms of preeclampsia or another pregnancy complication then she'll know and be able to get to her doctor before things get too bad.
@nra091501 (173)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
i have a friend who really is like your cousin. she loves to research and such and then she'll ask her ob-gyne about it. i think it's a good thing her ob-gyne is quite firm in dealing with her and her inquiries because she stopped questioning every little detail lol. it's the same when she gave birth, this time it's the pediatrician she kept on calling and asking things. Like when the doctor prescribed a medicine for her son's cough, she told the doctor that she also gave his son a certain herbal medicine and then the doctor said, what do you think worked for your son? a little irritated at her and then the doctor told her that actually, the herbal medicine she gave his son is not approved my the bureau of something because it has adverse effects. he said to try the other herbal medicine, instead of the one she gave her son. What I'm try to say is that, we consult doctors because they know what they are doing, they study it and so why not trust them to their job right and then if it's not working for you, try to switch to a doctor who you think will suit what you need. :)
