Went to funeral: 43 year old Secret is Told to Me.

Ma'am, there is certainly nothing that can be done as of now..
Not that your husband is no longer alive either.
Looks like the lady doesn't even have an idea of who adopted the girl, where she is now.
There is absolutely NO way that anything can be done.
I dunno why the lady told u all this NOW.What does she intend now! That you get in touch with her.But it must be HER who should look for her, as SHE is her mother.You ain't directly connected to the girl.Her father is no more already.
also, I hope and I'm sure she must be faring well somewhere wherever she is, so why get to her and tell her of this grave fact of her life and increase he complexities...Thats would be unfair.
But yes, on the other hand this is something the girl MUST know of.

This is the time to either be practical or do justice to life!

Well first of all, keep in mind that there's a possibility that it might not be true. Now, with that in mind, if it were you and there was the possibility of a half sibling out there somewhere, would you want to know? Do you think your children would want to know? I totally agree that you don't want to spread it around town, so to speak, but why have you decided that you can't tell your children? I know this is real life, not a soap opera, but are you equipped to deal with this woman getting hold of one of them and telling them herself? Better that it come from you if this is a possibility. More questions than answers, sorry.

If you think about it all the time it might grow on you. Try to remember that everyone has their own separate lives and that we can only be so responsible for each other. You might try to tell the child the truth of her birth if you see her but apart from that just don't take it that seriously. Think of how many people in this licentious world of ours do not really know or who are not truly sure of their parents. It happens.

I am sure that this is torturous news. Things so personal, and yet you have no where to turn, so I'm giving you a virtual hug. I hope that maybe you can find this child that's out there somewhere and if nothing else see it, has the mother never tried to find her child she gave up for adoption?

if it happen to me its a shocking story, and of course even if its been a long time the news like a slap in me and i feel hurts coz i trust those people that keep secrets from me...just nah to get me hurts if that so hope they just keep that secret forever...the news might change my life and more confused...and lots Q why....

I would take some time to get a grip on what you have been told. Then I would let my children know for anytime there paths could cross and maybe even not knowing fall in love and get married. Once you got a grip I think you would find it interesting that there is a part of your husband out there and want to get to know her and let her to know her father through you and your children if she desires for one you never know what the daughter has been told true or not. Then getting to know her might not happen but it would be by choice not in the fact of not knowing. I give you that the funeral was not the proper place to tell you and sure not right to keep him from his daughter. This was a common practice years ago when women got pregnant out of wed lock but maybe her husband does not even know it is not his imagine what he will feel if it comes out now. After all her culture she would be shunned and an out cast. There could be many reasons she keep this secret so long and maybe it was not done to hurt anyone and now that he is gone it was her time to let out her shame or whatever she is truly feeling. A good sit down talk with her would help once you get a good grip on the facts that you know already. There are many things right now you have to consider and answer before announcing another sibling into your family. Good lucky and keep us updated on this very interesting story.

Could she be lying? It sounds awfully vindictive, especially considering she knows she can't actually prove her claim right now. Even if she wasn't lying, I would say she is a very hateful person. You had nothing to do with what she did or did not do. I am so very sorry that this has happened. I wish I could be there to hug you and take care of you. I don't know if I would tell my children. They would have so many emotions and be unable to do anything about it. But it is an awful burden you are carrying. I'm certainly going to pray about this with you.

i understand your situation ..you need an answer with your Q..but later on when you get an answer you'l need to accept it to have peace in your mind and heart...anyway that happen long time ago..............it happen to me when i was in high school, one morning a young guy visit us with my uncle priest and they told us he is my brother from my dad..happen before my dad and mom meet and happen the said brod of mine went to his mom and just came back to meet his dad my dad when his 18.....we are all surprised and im too young that time to understand if hows mom feels about it as what i saw my mom accept him and treat him as his own, so till now we accept him as real brod nah just half brod....

Maybe, you can ask for a proof about this thing. And if its true, I don't know maybe you can lighten up your feeling through prayers. Because, personally if this will happen to me, I will still feel really bad. But there's nothing you can do. You don't have your husband anymore so you can't release whatever you are feeling. I know it is hard but let God lead you to where He wants you to be. I pray for your peace of mind.

hi cynthiann What would I do in this situation, this is all water under the bridge, this woman should never have told you this as
she should have known how hurtful this could be to you. Let it go, remember that your husband loved you, and that that past has really passed. I found out some stuff about my own dad that for awhile made me really angry with him,but my son said do not dwell on his past, just think of him as you were growing up,did he not treat you well, was he not a good dad? So I had to bury that past, because it had indeed passed. over done with. You are right to be angry, she should have told your husband. but do not let this eat at you. Put it where it belongs: in the past.