Have You Ever Felt Like You wish Life's Burdens Would Melt Away?  

first-*hugz*

oh yea.i often have re-assessment periods,where i wonder why i bother.
i busted my *ss to help a group of friends not too long ago only to be rewarded by being accused of BS and turned on..and a whole mess was left in my lap by them.
and to this day i still have people angry at them who come to me for answers,like i'm their mother or something.

long story short and without me rambling,i realized i was too often putting aside my own career to help others..noble in a sense,but left me holding the stick.
all this going on while trying to deal with the biddy among other things..

sometimes,we just have to put ME first..for the sake of health if nothing else.
it wears on you..it really does.

hi pyewacket I loved that video wow and that girl has some great voice. I have felt that way for the last one year and a half when my life was torn to shreds when my son lost his job, we got behind in the rent, were evicted, the lady friend my son had on the net reneged on her pledge to help us by paying the first three months rent on an apartment in antioch Ca. thus leaving us homeless. but my son felt it was not safe for me at myage and with my bad leg and my diabetes to be homeless, he got me put here at Gold Crest,not at all what either of us wanted, and hes still in an apt with three othe guys all out of work, but its still better for both of us than being on the street and homeless. I loved that video and the little boy just wanting to get away from the pain of his parents constant bickering.wow Pocketful of sunshine, that is going to brighten up my whole day. thanks for sharing HOpe you get some sunshine now too. hugs from hatley.

first let me say im sorry for your loss of pyewacket, i lost my max after a year of insulin shots, cataract surgery because of blindness caused by the diabetes he past last august and i still miss him everyday. i find that when things get me down a long walk in the woods does me a world of good, getting away with a fishing pole in hand also works. i look at it as life on lifes terms and why things happen i figure someone has a plan, and although i dont always agree with it, it's not for me to ask why things happen, if i can change things i do but usually that doesnt happen as with max. i find myself getting a little teary eyed thinking about max so its time for me to go take a walk and shake it off. enjoy your weekend and know that pyewacket is looking down at you waiting for you to meet again in another life.

Hello Lovely Pye

When I read your words here I had one thought..I wish you could come here to me and walk along the beach with me to get yourself back.

I know Pye's death has affected you drastically to say the least.

You are experiencing ptsd of a sort and depression dear.

I know how this feels not to want to write or do anything.

I get so mad at my counsellor, she is always saying to me..you should get out more, volunteer, and it would be good for your resume!

Resume? What resume? I didn't have a resume when I could work I told her..oh gosh they are so foolish at times.

I am thinking to myself, uh, I wouldn't want to be a client sitting in my chair..not with a scissors in my hand LOL

Yes I do. There are times in our life that we feel the burden is getting heavier as the days go by. During those times, we may be like the psalmist who said that he wish to be a bird and just fly away from the burden of life. However, we can't prosper by running away from our troubles. We need to face them.

whether this helps you or not.. yer not alone. always being the "strong" one for everyone else.. the rock, the shoulder, shrink, ear.. etc. and this past year has pounded me so far down im having same difficulties pulling my head back up again. im am getting there tho.. and taking the time for ME.. as you should as well.

i spent the last decade tending to other people.. including my ex`s father in law 24/ while e died slowly from cancer.. with no help from anyone.. not even his son (my ex) and when he died.. it took an awful lot of the wind out of my sails. after that.. the ex decided since he no longer needed anyone to care for his father.. that i held no more usefulness.. and he walked away from our marriage and kids like we didnt exist, and never did. along with all this, theres a meriad of other factors slamming me.. including a recent illness that kept me in a hospital bed for 15 days. ive only been out for a week now.. and attempting to heal body and mind from the onslaught of everything.

feeling guilty for tending to yerself first is a natural state of mind i thin for those of us who have always been caregivers for others. it feels foreign and somehow wrong to look out for yerself and let others tend their own needs for a bit. but its necessary. take what time you need for you to get over yer pain and grief.. recharge yer batteries. and sometimes going away to get a new perspective, change of scenery.. helps. just remember that you cant run away from yerself. to quote mad max.. no matter where you go, there you are.. and the troubles permeating yer mind will always be with you until you sort them out and can put them where they belong.. behind you.

much love support and understanding.. *hugs*

Yes, sometimes you're there for everyone else and you can loose track of you and your needs as well as what makes you happy. Your happiness is important. Sometimes selfless people have to stop helping others to the detriment of themselves.

Interesting that you should mention music. Yesterday, saw a wall chart of all guitar chords that I wish I could buy my husband. Tonight, I'm going to try to get to a Middle Eastern Dance Show after work. Take care.

hi poor Pye I am sorry to hear you are as down as this. Yes I also have wished often enough that these burdens would get a little easier to cope with.
Due to the fact I maarried someone with a disability who wont bring home a normal paycheck I relocated when I got married 5 years ago. That meant a commute of 8 hours a day to work 6 hours part time in public services. I kept my well paying job in my hometown cause we depend on my income.
As if that wasnt enough my mother broke her leg near the hip in February and for almost 4 months now I stay in my hometown from Mon to Wed, sleep in a small hotel in our suburb (eats up what I could normally put aside for our own old age) and am the emotional caregiver to my mother in the afternoons /evenings then after work.
I am so fed up cause I am not so very close to my mother emotionally and find myself in the position of caring for her with all that garbage from my childhood and teens and later on rising its ugly head in my memories.
You bet that with the way I was brought up and the way things were back then I also felt guilty when I did something for ME and up to now I ask myself when I will start really living my own life. Unfortunately I let the extended family shape myself into someone I wasnt for real and idiot that I am, I didnt snap out of it early enough. Now with my mother being as old as she is, I dont have a choice and I know that no matter what I do for her, like now, ripping apart my own life, caring for her three evenings a week, keeping my part time job in my hometown to make money and putting the pressure on my husband of a weekend marriage, where he in fact only sees me exhausted and tired, will still not be enough in the eyes of the overdemanding maternal clan.
So with a perspective of these people I dont love and care about transforming me into hamburger when my mother will not be any more, why am I sacrificing and doing what I do...........

There have been a lot of times that I feel that I am giving up on a lot to keep the life I have.
I like to experience new things, which sometimes includes moving. But, my husband hates to move and I don't know that moving just whenever I feel the urge is great for my daughter.
I used to always love making my own money and I have had to give that up to raise my daughter. We decided I would stay at home. Now, she is older, but living in the country near a small town gives me a limited opportunity to get a job that pays much and so its not worth it. To get a job somewhere else would involve buying another car and other expenses related to that.
I have always found music to make me feel better. There is always a song that speaks to my mood at that particular moment.
I do think it is important to do things just for you. No matter how small it is.
If you don't you will go crazy.
I have been there.
For many years, my life was all about scraping by and taking care of everybody but me.
It took it's toll. I became an emotional wreck and no one wanted to be around me.
I might not be doing exactly everything I want in my life, but right now I am fairly content.
I always thought that is really the goal in life.
Just being content.
It is really hard to be totally happy about your life all the time.
But being content with it is attainable.
Pye, I really do hope that things get better for you.
It is always hard to do things for you when some circumstances are out of your control.

Hi Mel,

I'm so truly sorry about Pyewacket. I did email you but I'm not sure if you'll receive it, or if you changed your email address.

Your words hit me hard and you said exactly what I've been feeling for a long period of time, and you're so right, to stop the path we've been on and think of ME, and live for ME. I, like you, wish I could get away, and do things for myself. I know what I need at this point, but there is no possible way of achieving it. I hope you do find your true life's fulfillment, you deserve it.