I’m Still Here Just Not Quite

@BelleStarr (60597)
United States
July 13, 2021 6:31pm CST
Well 2 weeks have gone by and I wish I had wonderful news but not much has changed. No two days are alike, it is constantly up and down. Al’s mental condition has deteriorated and it has become a struggle to get enough fluids and food into him. Sometimes he is very aware and others he looks terrified. I cry a lot. But there are beautiful moments, my friend Kathy was sitting with him Saturday while I went to get something in the kitchen and she she told me later he kissed her hand and told her to take care of Isabelle. I’m crying as I type this. Last night he wouldn’t sleep, he was restless and out of it, he said he would never forgive me, hated me and not to touch him. I know this isn’t Al but it is hard to hear none the less. We are still trying to get the medication right so he actually sleeps at night but at least wakes up in the day. Right now we have an aide who baths him 3 times a week, speech and occupational therapy once a week. We are still trying to have him awake for PR. A nurse also visits once a week. Palliative care is coming tomorrow and a social worker in the next two weeks. I haven’t gone to the Y but my friends have been so supportive and of course my children and grandchildren. I hear from my brothers and sisters in law several times a week. Everyone loves Al!! What’s not to love.? I hope I am not being too honest, this is hard. Harder than I ever imagined but what a blessing it is at the same time. We had 11 wonderful years with Parkinson’s which is way more than most people get. God has been good to us and hopefully we will come through this even more grateful but even if we don’t get the results we are praying for, we will be thankful we had the life we had for so many years. Thank you to special my lot friends who have reached out and keep us in your prayers. I will keep plugging away at all the notifications lol maybe someday I will catch up.
37 people like this
38 responses
@rebelann (87173)
• El Paso, Texas
14 Jul
Don't worry about catching up, just take care of yourself too. I pray there will be more good times for you with Al.
6 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
After three good days I am hopeful
2 people like this
@rebelann (87173)
• El Paso, Texas
22 Jul
I pray you will have more.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (174200)
• Chile
13 Jul
i know what you are going through. I hope everything turns out fine. But if it doesn´t, as it was in my case, I have felt blessed for all the time we had together and the many memories to have forever.
6 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
I am so sorry for your loss but memories are what keep us going
1 person likes this
@marguicha (174200)
• Chile
22 Jul
@BelleStarr I know. My biggest wish is that he is not in pain.
1 person likes this
@rakski (94464)
• Philippines
13 Jul
Prayers for you and Al!!!!!
4 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@rakski (94464)
• Philippines
23 Jul
@BelleStarr welcome
@CarolDM (144237)
• United States
13 Jul
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time in your life. Hold on to the good memories. He has his loyal companion resting with him in the photo.
4 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
Roscoe can’t understand why daddy doesn’t want to play with him!!
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (144237)
• United States
22 Jul
@BelleStarr So sorry for Roscoe. Animals do not understand when they see change.
@LadyDuck (346527)
• Switzerland
14 Jul
I am so sorry Belle, I imagine how his words may hurt even if you know very well that it is not him. I can barely imagine how hard it is for you. Do not care about catching up with notifications, we all understand very well.
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
18h
Thanks Anna, I am spending a little time catching up it keeps my mind off things.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (346527)
• Switzerland
15h
@BelleStarr We are having such horrible weather, I am waiting to have more light and I will go out to check the garden as soon as it stops raining.
@RebeccasFarm (35170)
• Wheat Ridge, Colorado
14 Jul
Belle, words cannot express my sadness at this. I am sorry more than you know. May God give you strength and peace.
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
Thank you so much, the time I am having now is a blessing
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (249419)
• Bunbury, Australia
14 Jul
I can believe that it is a really tough time at the moment. It is good that you have so much support. Sending prayers and good wishes.
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
24 Jul
Thank you they are much appreciated
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64683)
• United Kingdom
14 Jul
Oh Isabelle, I'm so sorry about what you are going through. I had similar experiences with my husband and there were times when he saw me as 'the enemy' despite all the loving care I was giving him. The real Al is obviously the one who asked Kathy to look after you. Keeping you in my thoughts .
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
24 Jul
Thanks Janet, I do keep that in mind when he doesn’t know me which has become quite rare this last week.
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (25785)
• Delhi, India
14 Jul
I am keeping him in my prayers
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
24 Jul
Thank you.?
@sallypup (46016)
• Moses Lake, Washington
14 Jul
You have given us a sweet photo. I love that your pup is with Al. God bless you both as you go through this.
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
24 Jul
Thank you so much, it is the ups and down that are so hard to deal with.
1 person likes this
@moonandstars (51724)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
16 Jul
i didn't know it's been 11 years. he is brave and so are you. sorry and try staying well.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
Yes he was diagnosed 11 years ago.
1 person likes this
@Elizaby (6832)
• Pensacola, Florida
15 Jul
Thanks for the updateon what has been going on. You have been in my prayers as you are walking through this valley. Don't fret about getting notifications done. Your time and attention needs to be with your husband (except do takes periods of time to renwe your stebght
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
24 Jul
Thank you so much
@Tampa_girl7 (46438)
• United States
17 Jul
You know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
And I am so grateful for your friendship
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (46438)
• United States
22 Jul
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (129873)
• East Tawas, Michigan
14 Jul
Here's Al as sick as he has been and his first concern is Isabelle:) You are blessed, above measure! It's my privilege to pray for you and Al, that God will truly carry you through this time and continue to pour out his love!
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
24 Jul
Thank you so much
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (129873)
• East Tawas, Michigan
24 Jul
@BelleStarr Every day is a brand new beginning, to share your life with the man you adore!
@LindaOHio (70619)
• United States
14 Jul
I am so, so sorry that you and Al have to endure this. I know that all of us here at MyLot are praying for you both and have you in our thoughts all the time.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
18h
Thank you so much, I can feel the love and it has helped me to continue on in spite of everything.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (70619)
• United States
7h
@anya12adwi (5425)
• Bhubaneshwar, India
14 Jul
I can feel you!! But keep going.. and this will pass too.. I will pray!!
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
16h
THank you
1 person likes this
• Bhubaneshwar, India
10h
@BelleStarr Pleasure!
@id_peace (14347)
• Singapore
14 Jul
Do not take heart to what AI is saying at this moment, He does not meant to say things that was not meant to be for him.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
I know and I love him so much it doesn’t matter
1 person likes this
@id_peace (14347)
• Singapore
22 Jul
Glad to hear that and I hope that he is getting better.
1 person likes this
@divalounger (4398)
• United States
18h
This must be so hard! Remember to take care of yourself as well--crying helps a little I think
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
18h
I do from time to time but not too often.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (1153)
22 Jul
I am so sorry. I know from experience it must be very difficult for you. Don't worry about notifications, people will understand. Sending you a big big hug.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
Thank you so much it has been rough but it seems to be improving
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (14457)
• United States
17 Jul
My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to go through this with Al. We had such a hard time with Mike's dad last year. No two days were alike. You're right no matter how hard it is, there are blessings in the midst of the storm. Know that I continue to pray for you and your family.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (60597)
• United States
22 Jul
Thank you Dena I so appreciate the prayers
1 person likes this