I’m Still Here Just Not Quite

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Well 2 weeks have gone by and I wish I had wonderful news but not much has changed. No two days are alike, it is constantly up and down. Al’s mental condition has deteriorated and it has become a struggle to get enough fluids and food into him. Sometimes he is very aware and others he looks terrified. I cry a lot. But there are beautiful moments, my friend Kathy was sitting with him Saturday while I went to get something in the kitchen and she she told me later he kissed her hand and told her to take care of Isabelle. I’m crying as I type this. Last night he wouldn’t sleep, he was restless and out of it, he said he would never forgive me, hated me and not to touch him. I know this isn’t Al but it is hard to hear none the less. We are still trying to get the medication right so he actually sleeps at night but at least wakes up in the day. Right now we have an aide who baths him 3 times a week, speech and occupational therapy once a week. We are still trying to have him awake for PR. A nurse also visits once a week. Palliative care is coming tomorrow and a social worker in the next two weeks. I haven’t gone to the Y but my friends have been so supportive and of course my children and grandchildren. I hear from my brothers and sisters in law several times a week. Everyone loves Al!! What’s not to love.? I hope I am not being too honest, this is hard. Harder than I ever imagined but what a blessing it is at the same time. We had 11 wonderful years with Parkinson’s which is way more than most people get. God has been good to us and hopefully we will come through this even more grateful but even if we don’t get the results we are praying for, we will be thankful we had the life we had for so many years. Thank you to special my lot friends who have reached out and keep us in your prayers. I will keep plugging away at all the notifications lol maybe someday I will catch up.