The Big Day
By Jim Bauer
@porwest (78761)
United States
January 7, 2023 6:22am CST
It is on the one hand great, but on the other hand a bit sad.
My mom is 72. By today's standards I'd even say, that's young. People nowadays are living much longer than they used to, and I think back to my grandfather who was 93 when he died. I know a lot of people with parents or grandparents well into their 80s and 90s.
But in the past couple of years mom has unfortunately started to have memory and cognitive issues. We all think it is probably the onset of either Alzheimer's or dementia, but nothing has yet to be diagnosed.
But we can all see it.
And it was part of the reason the decision was made that mom would move in with my sister and brother-in-law, and that event happens today. She will be moving into their basement.
Although 'basement' seems inappropriate, their basement is actually pretty much a full apartment with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a full kitchen, living room, dining room and laundry, as well as access to a full patio outside.
Mom is excited about it. As one would expect, my sister and brother-in-law have mixed feelings about it. My wife and I would have taken her in, but we don't have the arrangements they do and it was simply more practical for the decision to be made this way.
She is not ready for assisted living care or God forbid, a nursing home, and I would never go along with that. Honestly, if it came to that my wife and I would figure it out even though we also joked we'd probably be divorced.
Jokes aside, I think we would get used to it. But admittedly, it would also be difficult.
So, today around 9 o'clock or so we will all gather up and get all her stuff moved—it's about 4 or so miles from her house to my sister and brother-in-law's house. Hopefully it will all go smoothly.
The move and her new living arrangements.
Photo of my mom around 2007.
18 people like this
20 responses
@LadyDuck (457822)
• Switzerland
7 Jan 23
Thank you, thank you so much for saying that 72 by today's standards it's young.
I am sorry for your Mom and I am sure that it's wise to move to live to your sister and brother-in-law's house I hope she will be fine there. You have a pretty Mom.
I am sorry for your Mom and I am sure that it's wise to move to live to your sister and brother-in-law's house I hope she will be fine there. You have a pretty Mom.3 people like this
@LadyDuck (457822)
• Switzerland
11 Jan 23
@porwest Should I live as much as my Mom I still have 25 years to enjoy life.
My mother was healthy, but I know it would have been such a burden to have her with us all the time. She could be stubborn and pretty annoying, as she had nothing to do all the day long.
My mother was healthy, but I know it would have been such a burden to have her with us all the time. She could be stubborn and pretty annoying, as she had nothing to do all the day long.1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
10 Jan 23
I mean, hey, people are living a lot longer these days. Gotta adjust up the timeline you know. lol
It will be hard on my sister and my brother-in-law frankly. It's a big adjustment. I give both of them quite a lot of credit for doing it and being willing to do it. It would be much tougher of a choice for me, I do know that.
1 person likes this
@maggiesunjuan (554)
• China
7 Jan 23
You are so lucky to have siblings taking care of your mother together. Both my husband and I am the only child of our original families, we have to afford the spenses of four parents.
Hope everthing goes well with your family.
3 people like this
@maggiesunjuan (554)
• China
16 Jan 23
@porwest Wow that's really amazing. What we have is just a department. Both myparents and parents-in-law have a department. We would have to hire someone like a maid to help when these four parents could not take care of themselves.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
13 Jan 23
In their situation it was just more practical. For one, my sister is better equipped to take care of "womanly needs" if it ever gets to that. Plus, they have the ideal space in their basement since it is basically a second house down there with 2 bedrooms, a living room and dining room and kitchen, 2 bathrooms, laundry room and plenty of storage.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
7 Jan 23
Hope it is not what you think. Losing one's memory can also affect those around that person
3 people like this
@thislittlepennyearns (58119)
• Defuniak Springs, Florida
7 Jan 23
Hopefully it works out for the best and is a smooth transition
2 people like this
@thislittlepennyearns (58119)
• Defuniak Springs, Florida
10 Jan 23
@porwest It is bound to take some time.
1 person likes this
@yoalldudes (35040)
• Philippines
8 Jan 23
Getting older is hard to face. Especially with the onset of illnesses. My mother is suffering from ulcer and despite countless visits to the doctor, it hasnt been cured. I hope to take her to another hopefully successful visit to a new doctor.
3 people like this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
13 Jan 23
It is hard sometimes to watch our parents grow older and less independent, but of course that's part of the circle of life. I do also think it is important to do as much as we can, always keeping in mind that they gave up 18 years of their life to help us when we needed it.
I hope your mom can find some solutions for her problems.
@marguicha (215325)
• Chile
7 Jan 23
I am wondering at what will I do sooner than later. My daughters are helpful but they will not have me in their houses. I know. It is very difficult to get old even if you have a reasonable amount of money to live decently.
Memory problems seem to be part of age too, although not everyone has the same ones. I´m at the "lists" stage. And I don´t multitask any longer.
Memory problems seem to be part of age too, although not everyone has the same ones. I´m at the "lists" stage. And I don´t multitask any longer.2 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (86730)
• United States
7 Jan 23
I do not know why it is ever a 'problem' to take parents in.
Glad they did that for your Mom.
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
7 Jan 23
Good luck to them all. I hope everything works out well for them.
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
7 Jan 23
@porwest I understand. After mom was in a car accident that broke a lot of bones, she refused to try to learn to walk again so my oldest brother put her in a nursing home. When we'd go visit her, she's ask to come home and live with us. None of us have doors and halls big enough for a wheel chair. We told her to learn to walk without the wheel chair and we'd be happy to bring her home. She'd just gripe at us to "fix" our houses...
2 people like this
@JudyEv (325584)
• Rockingham, Australia
14 Jan 23
@porwest They are better here than they used to be. I know what you're saying but full-blown dementia, if it ever comes to that, is a huge burden on a family. Just sayin' - and wishing you all the best with whatever you decide. And, of course, it could be years off.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
13 Jan 23
I really hope it never gets to that. I can't stand the thought of mom ever being in a home. To me, once it gets to that point, you almost always seem to be marking the end—and many of the conditions in a lot of these homes for elder care is horrific.
1 person likes this
@japanesesamurai (2196)
• Japan
7 Jan 23
You are so lucky to have siblings taking care of your mother together. in my family my mother was the only one who cared my grandfather and grandmother! it was hard.
2 people like this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
7 Jan 23
It is always hard to care for someone, especially if someone is sick. In our family it is almost a rule that no one goes into a home. So far no one has that I can remember. On my wife's side it is entirely different. You are just tossed away if you become old and sick. lol
3 people like this
@japanesesamurai (2196)
• Japan
7 Jan 23
@porwest yeah exactly! being old is really hard!
1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
10 Jan 23
@japanesesamurai The older I get, the more I come to this realization. lol
1 person likes this
@merrybelle2021 (1389)
• Philippines
8 Jan 23
I'm glad they have a well-provided space for her. Will she be needing assistance around the house and when out and about?
2 people like this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
9 Jan 23
She is mostly able to get around on her own. It was just that with the memory issues, confusion, and cognitive issues we were getting concerned she may forget to shut off a burner or something, or fall, or some other thing.
This way we can better manage any situations and be more available if some assistance is needed. I think she will feel safer and more comfortable there too knowing someone is always right there is she needs help.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40489)
• United States
8 Jan 23
Your mom is blessed to have a caring family. I hope everything works out well for all of you.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (43065)
• Staten Island, New York
24 Jan 23
My dad only lived to 70. By today's standards 72 is not old though. I hope your mom will get to celebrate her 100th birthday... And it's great that your sister can take your mom in. Is your mom excited about living with them?
By today's standards 72 is not old though. I hope your mom will get to celebrate her 100th birthday... And it's great that your sister can take your mom in. Is your mom excited about living with them?1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (43065)
• Staten Island, New York
27 Jan 23
@porwest Hopefully, it will stay that way. And that everything will be peaceful. Sometimes parents living with their children doesn't always turn out great. Like a lot disagreements, maybe not always getting along, etc.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
30 Jan 23
@lovebuglena The advantage here, and I THINK it is one, is that the downstairs basement is essentially a separate apartment, so she has her space down there with full amenities and needs little from upstairs except to visit.
@LindaOHio (155843)
• United States
8 Jan 23
Your mother is a lovely woman. The decision to give up your home is always a hard one. I'm glad she has somewhere to go where she will have a bit of independence. This is always on my mind because if my husband, God forbid, should pass, I can't live on my own. I don't know what I would do. I hope your mom will be very comfortable; and I hope her cognitive issues do not progress.
@CarolDM (203454)
• Nashville, Tennessee
7 Jan 23
Your Mom is very lucky to have such a loving family to care for her. This is not always the situation. No matter the age, we never want to lose them. And we all want to remain in our home for as long as possible. Sounds like she will adjust.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28389)
•
8 Jan 23
It speaks volumes that you do not want your mom in a home somewhere. Hopefully this will work out for everyone involved, it sounds like it very well could, since it seems to be a private home in it's own right. Hopefully, all of you can adapt to her being there and it goes smoothly.
1 person likes this
