Am I Gallant or just a Jerk

@p1kef1sh (45642)
April 5, 2008 6:04pm CST
If a man holds a door open for you, or let's you go in front of him. Raises his hat when he meets you in the street, or stops to help change your tyre if he sees you with a flat. Is he being polite and gallant, or a jerk and a creep. Do you feel that old fashioned values still hold good in modern society or should we firmly close the door on that one in these days of equality of the sexes.
19 people like this
47 responses
5 Apr 08
In my younger years I refused to go through a door if it was held open by a man. What? Am I not able to hold a door open myself? I really didn't understand. I am young, healthy and active. Yet I have had men who are (to be frank) barely able to stand on their own and encumbered with shopping holding doors for me. Why? What possible good can that do? I've grown out of that; I understand people are old fashioned. But why should someone offer to help a person because of some arbitrary factor that has nothing to do with their own abilities? I can only apologise for being rational... I wouldn't say being a 'gentleman' equates to being a jerk or a creep (surely that's the opposite of gentlemanly), but I do find it strange. Especially if a person will not offer to help out a man in the same situation.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
5 Apr 08
I am not sure that it does any good at all or harm. Except that what is wrong with a little kindness to our fellow humans occasionally? But I do agree, I can see no earthly reason why it should be only women that are the beneficiaries.
1 person likes this
6 Apr 08
But the way I see it, if you are refusing to g othrough a door if it is help open for you, you are going out of your way to make that point. To me that is not rational, you should not make something like that affect your daily life in that way.
6 Apr 08
p1kef1sh: (your name is hard to type out, lol) Yes, fellow humans, as in all of them. It would be nice to see more people being polite to everyone. I get some very strange looks from older gentlemen when I open the door for them. I got to the door first, I'm young and fit (not using a walking cane)... why shouldn't I be the one to hold the door? 4ftfingers: As I said, grown out of that now... that was when I was younger and a lot more stupid. What really gets me is, when I hold a door and a man will take it from me (as in, put his hand on it) and then offer to let me through. Is it some kind of "look, I'm more polite than you!" thing? Occasionally I'll stand my ground and offer to let them through again... but usually I just smile, thank them and move on. But, I will say; why shouldn't a person try to make a point about something, if they feel strongly about it?
@scrawl (374)
• India
6 Apr 08
It appears gallant, polite and all that jazz... But, now since they have fought for equal rights and equal status, equal pay etc... it might seem a bit creepy when someone does this... Personally, I would go for option one...but our grandchildren would either find it funny or confusing.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I am sorry if people find it creepy. It is really just politeness and thoughtfulness. If our grandchildren find it amusing then I feel that we haven't done our jobs properly.. I think that we should think more about what we do for others, than in "what's in it for me".
@scrawl (374)
• India
6 Apr 08
Even if we did....they would find it amusing... As per a recent report, the current day kids find it hard to believe that there were televisions without remote and that they were black and white TVs... this is not because we didn't do our jobs right... its just that they find it haard to believe.... Personally, I would try to bring up a grandchild that is gallant...but it is the society we are against...
@ElicBxn (60763)
• United States
6 Apr 08
On an Easter Day about 8 years ago, I got a flat. The visually impaired roommate & I had to change it. On the side of a busy highway. It sure would've been nice if someone had stopped and helped.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
That's sad. In this country the Police advise people not to stop on busy highways in case of accidents. Instead, they or car breakdown companies will come out.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60763)
• United States
6 Apr 08
I didn't have a cell phone then, even if someone had called for help for us.
• United States
6 Apr 08
pike I may be old fashioned, but I raised my boys with theses southern manners.It has nothing to do really with equality, but with respect and manners. I bet if women even feminists were honest, what you will find is that ladies still want to be treated like ladies. It speaks volumes to me when one of my sons friends come in and show these type of gentlemanly behaviors. Not to mention what it says about their parents.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I don't know whether ladies still want to be treated as ladies, but my experience is that if you show courtesy, people appreciate it. Thank you Angel.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 May 08
Handsome, thank you so much for the Br :))) you are a true Gentleman :)))
@novataylor (6572)
• United States
6 Apr 08
What you're speaking of is conscientiousness, as I see it, p1ke and I love it. I do it myself, too. I love tending to as much as I love being tended to.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 08
I'll sing you a lullabye as you float into the arms of Morpheus, darlin.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
If you tend well enough, the garden will grow and bloom. Just like you. Bloom I mean!
@mollyrose (415)
• United States
5 Apr 08
To me that is polite and gallant and I don't want to see us lose any of that. When a man opens the door for me or stops to help me or is polite I find it attractive and it puts me in a good mood and I have repect for him. In my opinion more men need to be like that.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
5 Apr 08
Thank you. Personally I like to think that these little deeds are noticed and that it makes the World a cheerier place.
1 person likes this
@ksherrie (891)
• Singapore
6 Apr 08
= i agree with mollyrose... even though i open my own doors, carry my own stuff most of the time... i would still appreciate males/men/guys who are thoughtful in being considerate at times... it does make me in a better mood... i know all women are strong and are no secondary to males.. but women, to say the truth in my own opinion, will still love to be cared for even once in a blue moon... no matter how hard a woman's heart is, it will always soften for at least a second by that nice gesture of consideration and gentlemanly behaviour... *provided that behaviour does not comes with an attitude of "i am a guy, i just do what i think is a must to take care of girls"!
@ruby222 (4848)
6 Apr 08
I for one welcome those gestures!! If someone holds the door for you ..it makes life feel good!!!...though I have done a certain little survey on this subject!!!....ok ..heres the results... When I have taken extra care with the way i look..the response is postive...the doors get held open and the `Good mornings` flow.. But if i just pop out quickly in my `natural state` lolol...the response is qute different...thus giving strength to the question...Does how you look count??? But for me chivalry is a good character strength I had a boss at work ..she was somewhat intimidating to say the least..!!!!but rumour had it that certain circumstances had made her bitter towards life...another colleague held the office door open for her ...her spiteeful retort to a well respected colleague was...NO man needs to hold a door open for me!!!!...he was more than taken aback..plus i felt so sorry for him...in addition i felt a considerable amount of anger towards the `boss`... Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself!!!!!...for me a good motto to follow!!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
What a sad story. I am afraid that there are people that find such actions as patronizing. I don't know why, I see it simply as a courtesy.
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
6 Apr 08
I am a man and I do that (open doors and hold them for others, help damsels in distress, etc) to women and others as well. I think even in this day and age, many people still hold on to and cherish some old fashioned values that border on politeness and consideration for others. Chivalry still exists, and it is certainly alright to be chivalrous and gallant. I've noticed that these actions are still appreciated by people everywhere. Such values are good to uphold, and we should learn to keep them faithfully and apply them to others. In turn, we also appreciate it when others are chivalrous towards us.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I could not agree with you more. I believe that you are absolutely spot on. Thank you.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
6 Apr 08
I do not find it offensive if a guy opens doors for me or give up his seat for a woman in the bus or on the train. I rarely see this kind of genture anymore but once in a while, some gentleman do open doors for me and I always thank him for doing that. I also make it a point to return the favor whenever I can. :)
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
That's lovely. Chivalry is still alive!
• Bahamas
6 Apr 08
Even in this day of equality of the sexes,I still love it when a man treats me like a lady. It's a rare thing to meet a gentleman, it seems as though they're a dying breed. I say dont close the door on old fashioned values. Lets teach our sons to be gentlemen...Then it wont seem creepy just normal.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I agree completely. It's not patronising I think, just polite.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
6 Apr 08
I think it is nice when men (or women for that matter) hold the door open for me but it is not required. I will never forget this day for as long as I live. I was going into the mall one weekend and a man and his wife were entering at the same time. She walked a few steps ahead of him. When she got to the door she just stood there until he opened it for her. Then with her arms down at her sides she walked through and waited at the inner door. I had to laugh at that. In my relationship and life in general, whoever gets to the door first opens it and holds it open for the other person. Unless of course one of us has their hands full. If I am holding the baby or have my hands full my husband will rush ahead of me to get the door. I will do the same for him.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
Good for her, although somewhat impractical. But generally, I think that little courtesies in life are a good to have and worthwhile.
@Hatley (164743)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Apr 08
I think he is being gallant and polite and that is something I hope we can keep in this fast changing world. Those gallant gestures should never be put aside for equality of the sexes or anything else.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I believe in being courteous and polite. I am pleased that so many others seem to think so too.
@julievy (595)
• United States
6 Apr 08
My husband does that all the time, for me and for others. He is very polite. I do the same thing, I frequently hold the door for others, men and women alike. It's just a simple way to show a little kindess to someone. If you smile and say hello as they walk though, you'll be surprised at how many smiles and hellos that you get back.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
Quite. I think that if we give a little, we get a lot back.
• Belgium
6 Apr 08
Heh, I'm quite an old fashion little fella. If someone drops an item, I'll be the only one in the room to bother picking it up for them. Funny how many people don't keep some of the traditional respectful values. It's not really meant to be patronizing.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I think that it is not patronising at all. Just a polite gesture of kindness. I hope that you keep going.
@Angelwriter (1956)
• United States
5 Apr 08
I don't feel any less equal to a man if he offers to hold the door for me or lifts his hat (not that I know any with hats to lift, although I think I'd get a kick out of it if I did) if he meets me. I don't think common courtesy should be seen as an insult. And, if a woman can change her own tire, then all she has to do is say "no, thanks, I've got it" and she can still appreciate the sentiment offered without assuming it means the man thinks she's inferior.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
5 Apr 08
I agree. The gesture is not meant to be patronising or offensive, but courteous. I don't think that there is enough of that about these days.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Apr 08
I am so use to doing everything for myself that I sometimes get a little taken aback when someone holds a door open for me or pulls out my chair in a restaurant. depending on my mood I either smiley slightly and say thank you (but think to myself that the gentleman is old fashioned and it makes me smile more) or if I am in a particularly bad mood and want to fight with the world I will stop and take the door from them and say, "thanks but I can handle it, I'm a big tough girl, I tie my own sandals and everything". That line has gotten me some of the strangest looks. But no one has ever stuck around to argue.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
5 Apr 08
Oh Cyn. What am I going to do with you. Sure you are a toughie and I love you for that. But assuming that the guy isn't hitting on you, why not let him hold that door and feel good that he is helping another human that has her hands full. Now don't glare at me like that!
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
6 Apr 08
Yes I know I'm contrary. I like it when a man holds the door open for me and when they offer to help carry things that are heavy. Mr Croc holds my coat for me to put on when we are out. These small things make the day pleasant. It s chivalrous for men to do these things. What really annoys me is when people don't say thank you to them.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
Nanna, you know that you are my inspiration for this thread. I also know that you, your children and from what I read your grandchildren are some of the politest people that I have come across on this site. You may be contrary occasionally, but you are entitled I think. I am not at all surprised that Mr Croc holds your coat. Courtesy and good manners run deep in the Croc house. Recognition is not the reason that I hold doors etc, but you are right, a thank you is always very welcome.
@nannacroc (4049)
6 Apr 08
Manners maketh the man, ( or woman in my case ). Good manners cost nothing and can brighten a day. Fifteen years after my eldest left school I met someone who used to be a dinner lady, she said she would always remember my daughters polite and helpful attitude. Maybe none of them are geniuses but I like to think we succeeded in bringing up three nice people.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I don't know whether they are geniuses, but I do recognise good, well brought up intelligent people when I see them.
@kezabelle (2985)
6 Apr 08
I wish more men would do that, infact more people in general. I love how polite and gentalmanly my partner is maybe im just old fashioned atheart though!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
You are not old fashioned, he is simply courteous and polite. Good for him.
@kezabelle (2985)
6 Apr 08
I think a lot of women think im old fashioned but I just dont see the need to be offended because a man behaves like a gentleman or insists on paying etc. Same as at home while he helps me when he can I prefer to do it all because I feel I should I am at home all day and I do think he deserves to relax when he comes home
• Australia
6 Apr 08
Well, I can't speak for other women but I think that that's so sweet, to see a man do this for women. I find it to be gallant and romantic. Call me a sap but I think it shows how thoughtful and respectful a man is when he does this for his lady. My husband is like this and I love him even more for it!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
That's good to hear. I agree completely. Thank you.
1 person likes this
• Australia
7 Apr 08
You're welcome :-)
@Aingealicia (1906)
• United States
6 Apr 08
My personal opinion, it is wonderful you do that. I am always shocked when a man opens the door for me. I wish more men were like you. Perhaps you should give the new generation the lessons. Oh yes by the way, the gentleman that I had mentioned in a discussion before does all that too. Ainge
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Apr 08
I am pleased to hear it. It shows respect and courtesy to others, irrespective of which gender does the honours.
• United States
7 Apr 08
Well put this time I need add no words. Ainge