is dad always the fun one?

June 20, 2008 11:58am CST
every time i drop off my daughter at my xs house...she always gets sooo excited, starts jumping uncontrollably and then hugs him and kisses him right away, and trys to shut my car door so i will leave...then the next day when i see her in the morning she runs from me, she wont hug me or kiss me ever, and she just doesnt want to play with me....except for when she wants something...i just feel so lame sometimes...she always calls for her dad and always wants to play with her dad and never with me...i try SOO hard to play with her, and dance with her, and sing with her, and make her like me like she likes him...but she just doesnt...anybody else have that? cuz it sucks....and it doesnt feel very good
4 people like this
13 responses
• United States
20 Jun 08
The parent with visitation rights is always the fun one. Their time with their children is limited, and so they get to be the ones who do the fun stuff, play, watch TV and more without getting into trouble. The custodial parent, you in this case, are the one who has to be full time parent, disciplinarian, provider and make time for the fun stuff. Try to put it into perspective, and I know it isn't easy, as I have gone through this as well, but your daughter gets limited time with her Dad and is excited to see him. It is not a black eye for you, but rather a good thing that she is excited to see her father. It means that you are doing something right, by not turning her against the man. If you and Dad have a good relationship, you might try getting him involved more in the day to day stuff, such as punishments, chores and school. It may help that Dad plays a role in these things, as your daughter will come to realize that both of you love her, want to have fun with her, but also want to see her become a responsible adult. It will not happen overnight, but one day, she will see both sides. Try to have patience and remember the day will come when she tells you how much she appreciated the things you did for her!
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I agree that this is very important. It is very tough to have different expectations because kids will push and pull at you, they need consistency, not 'ooh, I can get away with it at mom's because she doesn't like dad and she won't enforce the discipline that dad would', or even worse have MOM get totally bent out of shape with something that was a totally normal occurence for the kids when they are at HOME with dad. As a kid, it is perfectly normal to enjoy being with the parent who doesn't make you do homework, go to bed on time, do chores, and lose privelages if you misbehave, but having different sets of expectations really seems to cause horrendous attitude problems, I can say that from first hand experience! If it is possible to get the other parent at least partially on board, it makes a difference.
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
21 Jun 08
There's really nothing I can add to your comment...you've said it all and thensome. The important thing is this: when you've punished your child for something she's done wrong and it's going to overflow on her time with daddy, make sure HE knows what's going on and if HE could please see to it that the girl is punished as well. I'm not telling you to make sure the punishment is the same as yours, but it would be a great idea. The whole idea for parents (separated, divorce or not) to understand the one thing that will keep the children's respect equally: UNITY. What one parent says and agrees to the other must follow suite.
• United States
20 Jun 08
remeber the saying DADDY"S LITTLE GIRL.. well thier you have it, you shouldnt feel like she loves you anyless, she has more time with you and less with her dad, dont try so hard, i know it makes you feel bad, have you asked her why she does like to play with mommy, i know its to direct but thiers realy no ohter way of asking.but she has her own way of loving you..
1 person likes this
@momz2gd (295)
• United States
20 Jun 08
She is daddy's lil girl, it sucks I know. My daughter does the same thing with her daddy. She says his name so nicely, but me she says my name with an attitude.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
20 Jun 08
My kid's dad and I are NOT seperated and I deal with this. I am a stay at home mom, and he works 60 hours a week. He leaves before they wake up and gets home after they are in bed. He gets 2 days off, but one of them is a day while they are in school. Sometimes he only gets 1 day off. Because he doesn't see them as often, he isn't involved in the discipline, teaching, chores, rules, etc etc. That's my job. He comes home and he watches TV with them, plays video games with them, rough houses... all the things I don't want them to do and don't let them do when he's not home. Of course they like him better, I do nothing but yell and tell them what not to do. Besides that, they don't get to see him often, so even if he was a meanie daddy, they'd still be happy to see him. Although when I leave for extended periods of time, like an overnight trip or something they do miss me and are happy when I get home.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
21 Jun 08
I know how you feel, my girl is exactly the same. Me and her father are together and she makes no bones about who she would rather be with! When she is with me on our own then she is perfect and is fine, as soon as he comes home I cannot look at her or touch her without her making a scene about it. She will only let her dad do things with her, and if I am going shopping and her Dad is at home she will not come with me! She is not doing it because she does not like you though, dont ever think that.
@masterdw (90)
• China
21 Jun 08
I think that is not just because dad is always the fun one.child needs hie parent love and time .Perhap,you spend a lot of your time with your child,but her farther doesn't ,and the moment she sees her farther,she just wants to stay with him more,to find more fun from her dad.So just take it easy.
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
21 Jun 08
I am not so sure of that. It seems that mom always have something to worry about. Thus they are always the one to warn the kids not to do something harmful. This to some extend can mean to the child that mom doesn't allow him/her to do something. Mom is strict in the kids' mind. My parents are not separate. I can't remember my feeling towards them when I was a little girl. It seemed that I like dad now and love mom later. It always take turns. Now I think I am more clear about my love towards them.
@AshleyHasan (1024)
• India
21 Jun 08
I am sure your daughter might be very young, even my elder daughter who is just 20 months does the same way, its just that the daughters are close to fathers, but thats okay please dont feel bad about that as the baby grows she understands and comes to you as well, even I use to think the same way but my grandma said it is common in children for first few years they will be close to either father or mother but once they reach certain they play and have fun with both the parents, ple just dont take that negatively it happens with every child ...
@irishidid (8734)
• United States
21 Jun 08
You have to be the parent while he gets to be the fun guy.
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
21 Jun 08
Dad was always the fun one when our kids were little! I was at home all day (with four children), nagging them and getting them organised ... but when Daddy came home, he was fun! I think that's pretty common - but when they grow up, they appreciate all the practical things you did for them. It's good for them to have a balance in parenting styles ...
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jun 08
The non custodial parent tends to be 'the fun one'. My experience with this has been kind of sad. My older kids are my husband's kids, and when I first met them they were young teens.. well a preteen and young teen. They did not see bio mom very often at ALL, but when they did, all that happened over there was fun stuff! Trips to amusement parks, movies, dinners out. They got toys, clothes, other stuff. They had no chores there, she'd do their laundry too. Here at home there are guidelines and rules. Sure we do fun stuff but not all the time. For instance we would never allow our son to just sit and play xbox all day INSTEAD of going to school, nor is it okay for him to stay up all night so that he misses school in the morning because he was up all night! Anyway, it might take her getting a little bit older and you can explain some things to her. She is probably just so tickled to see daddy.. I don't know how often she sees him so it might feel like a treat to her. I tried to keep my mouth shut about some of the spoiling because sometimes the kids saw her like once in a year. =( Also - daddy is often seen as the 'fun' parent anyway. I am a full-time mom, so when the kids do stuff with daddy, it is mostly all fun stuff. With me I have to do other daily things so I can't just play all day. LOL!
• China
21 Jun 08
I think you should insist on trying or change the fashion, the child will accept you at last! The child need the adult patience!
• Canada
20 Jun 08
The problem I had when growing up was that my mother was great, but I never got along with my Dad. Maybe her father is overcompensating or not being with her every day, and he wants to make the BEST BES BEST BEST BEST of the time they do have together, so he SPOILS her!!! All she knows is that she's being treated likea princess. It sounds like you're the more realistic one. I can see you're still very loving, and that's good. Maybe you need to sit down with your daughter and ASK HER what is so special about her time with her father. If it's realistic you can do te same fun things with her that she mentions se likes. If not, have a talk with your ex and express your conerns to him that he may be spoiling your daughter a little too much.