Does your boyfriend or spouse refuse to talk about their feelings?

United States
October 9, 2008 11:15pm CST
Whenever my spouse is worried about something, like his job, he hides his emotions and refuses to talk about his feelings. But, they always seem to seep out in other ways. For instance he gets withdrawn and I can tell something is wrong. If he would talk to me about his worries, then I could help him work through them. But, it's not like I can force him to talk. Does your spouse or boyfriend hide their emotions or refuse to talk about the things that bother them?
3 people like this
26 responses
@lynnemg (4541)
• United States
10 Oct 08
My husband hardly ever talks about his feelings. He wasa raised that men do not cry, and do not share their problems. Once in a great while I can get him to talk, but it takes a lot of effort to do that. I have found that it is easiest for me to get him to talk to me either late at night when we are ready for bed, or in the car when we are all alome (which doesn't happen very often)
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21183)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I am not in a relationship right now, but my daughters father has always been that way. He only know how to show 2 emotions. He is either happy or angry to anyone who knows him. It used to annoy me to no end. It still annoys me sometimes when I talk to him, but not as much now that we are not together and he is not my problem anymore. We have talked about it several times before. He says that he grew up in a family where men did not show their emotions. They were supposed to be strong and not let others know how they feel. I tried to get him to show more emotions and talk about things that were bothering him, but it was a slow process that never did get completed.
• United States
10 Oct 08
My hubby has those same 2 emotions, but I don't call it happy, I call it playful. He either wants to play, or wants to be grumpy. We're working on ours too, but other aspects of our relationship are good, so hopefully I will see the end to this problem.... eventually.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
10 Oct 08
Yes, this is very normal for boys/guys/ men. They were "born" to suppress their feelings to give a facade of being strong. They tend to keep things to themselves and not burden anyone else with their problems. They also have a hard time opening up no matter how you coax them into talking. It's just the way it is. Some men are not like this though. it really depends on the person. Others give in to their partners and pour their feelings out too. No inhibitions.
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thank you for understanding! I thought that I was the only one who had gone through this. I will try to be more patient.
23 Oct 08
My BF was raised to open about his feelings, he would spend many night chatting to his mum about things that are happening in his life. He talks to me about things that are bothering him or things that make him happy. I'm not one for talking to much, I will talk about some things that are bothering me and of I happy I will share them with him.
• United States
14 Oct 08
OH all the time. He say's he cannot find the words for his feelings. Now after his stroke I can believe that before I think he just did not want to share with me.
• Guatemala
11 Oct 08
well, i really don't think people should talk about their feeling, well, actually, i think people shouldn't be forced to talk about their feelings. When people share their feelings it makes them weak and vulnerable to what other people think of them.
@rosedust82 (1832)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
Hi Beautyqueen... My fiance is really open when it comes to his feelings. Although there are times when he becomes quiet and withdrawn. When that happens, I would usually ask him if there's anything wrong and he would usually say what's on his mind. I think we're the opposite. I'm the one who's the quiet type when it comes to talking about feelings. I tend to keep things to myself.
@tikei18 (359)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
Same here. He is not very open to me. I don't force him to tell me what's bothering him. I just wait for the time that he will tell me something about his feelings. I let him feel that I'm always ready to listen anytime for him, whenever he's ready to talk about it. The more I force him the more he doesn't want to talk or share his feelings. As time goes by he's beginning to be more open than before. Though there are still times that he is just silent and i don't know why. Have a Nice Day !
@gemini_rose (16208)
10 Oct 08
No, my hubby is not like this at all. In fact, how your spouse is sounds more like I am. I become withdrawn and quiet, I brood about things for a while before maybe eventually I will say something. I have always been like it, I have always had to deal with things on my own and so it is still hard to get out of that habit even after 9 years.
@samijo719 (1055)
• United States
10 Oct 08
My boyfriend is pretty good about talking about his feelings. When we first got together it was me who had a hard time sharing my feelings I had been hurt so many times and betrayed that is took awhile for me to be able to completely open up to him and tell him all my feelings and when things were bothering me because I didn't want to be a burden to him. But now after 3 years we have really good communication. We always talk things out and tell each other when something is wrong.
@Hatley (121216)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Oct 08
hi beautyqueen 26 oh my when my husband was alive,it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me what was bothering him. My son is the same way. It took three days for him to tell me he had been fired.You are so right, if they would just talk to us about their worries, we could help but no they think they are protecting me, and I go protecting me, from what? No you can't force them to talk so what is one to do?
• India
10 Oct 08
oh yes he does not talk too much... i personally feel talking can lighten your burden to a great extend, however he feels like keeping quite and i should just understand...
• United States
10 Oct 08
well some men feel that showing their feelings is some sign of weakness or they are letting their guard down ( no offense to the males because not all of you are like that!).Sometimes my boyfriend won't tell me what is going on with him because he feels he doesn't want to stress me out with what is going on with him . You should try to explain to him that expressing his feelings will make him feel a whole lot better and not only that will improve communication within your relationship, and everyone knows they key to a good relationship is communication.
@Bluepatch (2482)
• Trinidad And Tobago
10 Oct 08
This would be a real problem for me. I think most of the point of a relationship is sharing, not hiding. If my other half did this it would have to change or I would leave. How can you hide your feelings from the one who is sharing your life ?
@belk89 (1105)
• Philippines
10 Oct 08
My husband sometimes hides his feelings from me. He told me he doesnt want me to get affected by it and i always tell him that we are couples and we should share with each other everything. I let him know that i always wanted to help and i will never be a weak wife who will just freak out instead of finding solution to the problem. Everytime i tell him that he right away share with me what he truly feels. Sometimes i comfort him and letting him know that we can always find a solution to the problem and he should not let himself get stressed out because of it.I guess normally guys dont share there worries and fears but once you talk to them and let them know that you will be there by there side no matter what. They feel more at peace that they are not all alone. And that they can always count on you at times of trouble.
@chaska (170)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I can tell when something is bothering my husband and I will always ask. Most of the time he will tell me what is wrong, but sometimes he will say lets discuss it later. I myself do not talk about my worries as often as I should.
• United States
10 Oct 08
Hi Beautyqueen I know just what you talking about, i have been married for 13 yrs and if you don't say anything, but notice what's going on it's cool, sometimes if you can just get him to say he's upset or worried or P.O.'d it would help you to know what to do and what NOT to do. I SUGGEST that even if he doesn't readily discuss his angst with you, just let him know that you know, and if he wants and ear to bend that you are available. Don't press (as we are want to do )just be present and maybe after a little time he may open up a little. If it is about the relationship then take what he says and chew on it then give your rebuttal. Try and offer solutions, try NOT to critisize too much. Guys are like babies,(even the macho types) they have an ego that needs stoking,so for them to admit they even have problems may be a huge deal to them. Be careful as you foray into a mans head we speak different languages that mean the same thing. I hope that this helps pls let me know. God Bless
@ebsharer (5519)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I know from hard learned experance not to push it. My now ex husband said part of the reason he wanted out was that I pushed him to talk about things. He was never one to just come out and say what he was feeling at least not till the end when he came right out and said I want a divorce (some thing that I eventualy learned was a long time coming). All I can say is becarful what you wish for. Don't push him to "express" his feelings they may bite you in the a$$. What I would have done different is not ask. Not ask at all. I would have given him the chance to "miss me". So my suggestion to you is to stop asking don't let it be shown that its bothering you. Let it go for a while when he is ready he will come to you.
@katsmeow1213 (24667)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Yeah, we're working on this because it is a real problem, for both of us really. I mask my emotions with anger, and I'm so used to it that sometimes I'm not even sure what my true issue is, I just want to nag and yell about everything.. I find things to yell about. Lately I've been stopping to think about what I'm really upset about, and I say that instead of just attacking everything else. Hubby is not used to discussing his feelings. I'm not sure what happened to him as a kid, but somehow he was taught to repress his feelings and never show them. He used to bottle everything, then one day he just snapped and went off the handle. For about 2 years after that it was like walking on egg shells around him because you never knew when he'd flip out over something stupid. He's slowly getting better, but we're still having a problem with his timing. He won't come out and say what's bothering him at the time, he usually waits until I become upset over something, then he'll tell me his feelings and we both get too mad to deal with the other's emotions. It's a work in progress.
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
10 Oct 08
It is hard for my husband to show emotion. He will just not say anything and keep it all bottled up inside.