Would you marry somebody that doesn't want to have babies?

@mermaidivy (15415)
United States
March 18, 2009 12:04pm CST
What if you and your spouse have been together for years and decided to get married, but one of the side didn't think he/she wants to have babies in the family and the other side want babies veyr much, would you still marry each other? Is it a big issue in a relationship while the couple doesn't have an agreement of having babies or no? I think having babies is part of the deal and married people should be responsible to make new generation, otherwise, the old people population will just go up without getting a youth population balance. What do you think?
3 people like this
48 responses
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
19 Mar 09
That would be fine with me. I don't want kids anyway. I am trying to get my wife to have her tubes tied...
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Oh... That's too bad...
• United States
19 Mar 09
Why is it too bad? I think it's great that someone like this person knows what they want in life.
@Galena (9123)
19 Mar 09
no one should be trying to push their choice on their partner like that though. if it's so important, he should have a vasectomy. same result, but effecting your own body, not someone elses. while I would happily get spayed tomorrow if I could, I would never try to get mister neutered, unless he came to that choice himself. it has to be each persons own choice. if he wants it done, he should have it done on himself.
@Galena (9123)
18 Mar 09
well, yes, of course I would, seeing as I don't want any myself. and also, it's hard to find someone that you can love forever, and be with every single day of your life. when you find that love, can you really give them up for someone that's not even been born? because essentially it's choosing between someone you LOVE, and someone that you know you would love, but doesn't, at this point in time, exist. choosing between true love and potential person, true love every time. put it this way, I love dogs, would never want to go through life withouthaving dogs. show me a puppy, and I'd probably lactate if I could. but if my partner was allergic to dogs and we couldn't have any, I'd accept that it was one of the things I had to sacrifice to spend my life with him.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
18 Mar 09
and just to add, basically, you're saying that people like me, who don't want children, shouldn't get married. what about post menopausal women? should they not be allowed to marry the one they love either? or the infertile? marriage is not about having children, it's about swearing an oath of love and commitment to another. at no point do the wedding vows state "I promise to breed"
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
18 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
• United States
19 Mar 09
"state I promise to breed" I love it. That is by far one of the best responses I've seen in some time as to why some married couples don't want children.
• China
20 Mar 09
Well, I discussed this several times with my bf and then I am the one who doean't want any baby. I just want to spend my life with him, just we two and no kids. But bf said I would change coz I am still young now and it's normal that I have intention to have a baby. Anyway, he poured his theory on me and was very confident that I'd change and someday would be very happy to have a kid. I don't know. Maybe when I am getting older and watching ppl around me all surrounded by children, I'd have the urge to have a kid myself. I will marry bf, lol and he's gonna take the risk.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
20 Mar 09
you might change your mind and you might not. some people do, and some people never do. I don't think I ever would. so long as it's been discussed, that's okay. he shouldn't rely on you changing your mind though. if he's happy to go ahead on the basis that you MIGHT change your mind or you MIGHT not, then that's fine. that's our situation. if you feel complete with your partner, then it doesn't really matter if you stay just the two of you or have children.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
20 Mar 09
It is simular to one of my aunts situation, she told her husband now that she didn't want babies because she didn't think she could be able to do it since she has some medical problem but after they got married for a year and she changed her mind, she thinks she wants to have "something" with her husband - baby so now she is pregnant and feels so excited to see the baby smile!:-) We'll see, wish you the best!^_^ Thanks for sharing!^_^
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
18 Mar 09
i know there are people that don't want children & that is there right to feel like that. i myself can't imagine not wanting children. i don't think people should have them if they don't want them.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
18 Mar 09
I would like to have children so it would be a big issue to me.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
19 Mar 09
me to. i love kids. i just have two sons but wish i had more. i would have loved to had a daughter. they seem to be closer to their parents that boys are. my boys are good to me but i don't hear from them like i'd like to, like everyday. lol
• United States
19 Mar 09
I think it is certainly an issue that should be discussed before marriage. If the two don't agree, it is sure to cause problems or even divorce down the road. As for having babies being "part of the deal" of marriage, I don't agree with that. Plenty of couples are having more than two kids, which makes up for those of us who have none. If a person does not want kids, they should not feel pressured to have them, because that is not only unfair to the parent, but the child as well.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
@tjdas83 (178)
• Malaysia
19 Mar 09
I won't say its wrong that some married couples decide not to have babies. It's theirs choice because the decision to get married doesn't mean you have to have babies in the end if both sides agree not to. Marriage is a celebration of love; it doesn't come with a set of rules. But if one wants babies and the other doesn't, then its better to discuss it before marrying that person because of the different priorities. If they still get married, then the issue will arise later on and there will be problems. Then divorce will be present down the road.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
18 Mar 09
I would not want to marry someone who does not want children and if one of us were unable to produce them naturally, I would want them to agree for adoption. Marriage is no good without children. I know how I felt when I found out that I could not get pregnant and glad when there was a way for us to adopt. So when one marries one should try to get pregnant and if one does not succeed, one should rry to adopt. You should also find out if your potential wants a small, medium, or large family. It hurts when you have two children and you are the only one who wanted more.
@Galena (9123)
19 Mar 09
I'm sure my marriage WILL be good, without children. I will not be trying to get pregnant when we get married, I will be continuing to try very hard not to conceive. but saying marriage is not good without children is very narrow minded.
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
I wouldn't say marriage withou children is no good but I think children will be roling a important character to be part of the thing to maintain the family. Thanks for sharing! ^_^
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
19 Mar 09
I found that marriage with children brings something that is a joy to it. That also includes adopting older children, because it could be that you are not that good with babies, but you might be all right adopting an older girl. After all, that is what happened in Anne of Green Gables. They probably did not have the whatever to take care of little ones running under foot. Now me, I would rather have children from birth on. But if you really do not want children, maybe it is best to not put yourself in a situation where that could be possible. Accidents do happen and sometimes it is best to remain single in those cases, but you really have to study and advance yourself career wise.
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
18 Mar 09
I think I will not marry since I will marry nor only for love but to have a family too. I think it is not advisable to marry since by time they will sure have problems with this issue.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
18 Mar 09
Me too. Thanks for sharing! ^_^
• China
20 Mar 09
I agree with you, I also will not marry with she. Because we need consider our mother.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Mothers usually hope their son/daughter could have babies as soon as possible after getting married which I don't blame them. ^_^
@zahfran (851)
• Singapore
20 Mar 09
I would probably sit down and talk about it. I mean babies are definitely important. Who's gonna take care of you when you gets old. Definite your grown-up sons or daughters. This will most probably make her think twice about not having babies. :)
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 09
You are not able to guarantee your children will take care of you in your old age. They can run off and leave you and then what? It's selfish to think that just because yo uhave kids and you took care of them in their childhood that they will take care of you.
19 Mar 09
Nope! Unless I've had my babies from another man. LOL. I think babies are what might strengthen the love and bond between man and wife. They is also a great way to bind families and relatives, and give the woman hope for the future. I suppose if a guy and gal can't see eye to eye on such basic issues, as wanting children, they would have to sit down and re-evaluate their relationship. As for the population control theory, I wont deny that the world is having a large proportion of aging population, but that does not justify not having children at all and bringing in a new generation! If not two, then atleast one - is how I see it :)
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
I would like to have at least two hehe ^_^
@btt2005 (162)
• India
19 Mar 09
I will not marry. Whenever he/she agrees to have a baby, then only I agree for marriage. Without a child/family, what is the meaning of married life. It is our responsiblity to have children when we marry. If everybody thinks like this, what will happen to the world. So we must have children when we marry. Otherwise why should we go for marriage.
@Galena (9123)
19 Mar 09
LOVE is the meaning of married life. I never want children. you are saying there is no point in my partner and I getting married because of this? we love each other, and want to be together for the rest of our lives. children or no children, that's what marriage is ultimately about.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
19 Mar 09
i married to my hubby because of my baby.i like babu .Also my husband like baby too.My hubby's temper is bad ,But it didn't happen to my baby .he love the baby.One of my frineds was married ,But she said she didn't want to have a baby.Even her baby was born,she didn't hope her baby stay with her and she will let her mother-in-low take care of him.I was too surprise to hear it.How can she do like this?Even though i told her how funny and happy to have a baby,she always has her own opinion.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Why wouldn't she even get pregnany then? That's too bad...
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
20 Mar 09
Until now i can't understand what does she think.she said she didn't love her husband.she married because she need marry.And she isn't willing to have a baby and take care of the baby.Maybe different people have different ideas.
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
Nope, of course not whats the use of marrying someone whom dont like to have baby/babies? For me having a child is a precious gift from God and it is the symbol or should we say the product of lovig each other. It is very nice when both of you go home from work that you see your baby it can make your tired body be calm and can make you smile, can make you happy.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
23 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing!
@elisa812 (3033)
• United States
22 Mar 09
I don't think I would be able to marry someone who didn't want any children. Having kids is a really important thing to me, and it's always been a dream of mine to become a mother. That is a huge thing in a relationship, so I don't think a marriage would be able to work if two people completely disagreed on it. Some things can be compromised, but that's not really something you can compromise on-either you end up having kids, or you don't! If there was an issue with the other person not being able to have kids for health reasons, but they still wanted kids, then I would be ok with that, because we could always adopt. But, if it was just that they didn't want any at all, I would just think that we're not compatible and I'd have to find someone else who shares the same goal with me of having a family.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
23 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
@soulist (2987)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I would have a hard time being able to marry someone who doesn't have babies. I want to have a family and I couldnt be with someone who didnt want the same things. At one point I would resent him or he would resent me.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
23 Mar 09
Me either. Thanks for sharing! ^_^
• United States
20 Mar 09
I think that before a couple gets very far into dating they should discuss having children. I have not wanted children of my own since I was 12. When I met the man who is now my husband we talked about it and he does not want children either. It is a very important issue in a marraige, not only if you are going to have children or nor but how many, and when. As far as married people needing to have children to ensure a new generation, I do not agree, there are planty of single people out there having kids, me not having any will not harm the human race.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
23 Mar 09
I agree that's a very big issue before marriage for both side to get a same agreement. Thanks for sharing!^_^
@parvezjs (422)
• India
19 Mar 09
No i would never had married the one who would have asked for no baby condition. I love kids and I always wanted my own baby with which my family will be complete. I am soon going to be a father in three months and I am very excited for the day when I will get my baby in my hands. Why would any one say no for having their own child? My wife and myself both love kids a lot. Whenever until now we are going somewhere and we see a baby in anyone's hand we don't miss a chance to have a look and give that baby a smile.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
hehe I like to see the happy smiley baby face too hehe Thanks for sharing! ^_^
@scififan43 (2440)
• United States
19 Mar 09
I would want to marry someone who wants to have babbies. If that person does not want children, that is allright too. if that person can't have babbies there is the option of adobotion. it would jsut depend on what the situation of the spose.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
@vivasuzi (4125)
• United States
19 Mar 09
First I don't think married people are required to have babies. Some people just want to be together forever but don't want to be have kids - it is NOT "part of the deal". If one person really wants kids and the other really truly does not, then you shouldn't get married. Because the person who wants kids will never stop wanting them, even if they say "it's ok". The person who wants kids may even grow to resent his/her spouse over time. This is definitely a decision that should be made before marriage. It's even something people should discuss while they are dating because you babies or no babies is a big deal for some people.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^
• United States
19 Mar 09
I do not think having babies is part of a good marriage, but if one wants babies & the other don't, then no they should not marry, big mistake if they do get married. But myself I don't not think having babies is part of a good marriage or to make a woman feel complete. Think about it, the couples who do not have kids have more time for each other. They don't have another tiny soul to worry about & take care to make sure the tiny one is well & no harm comes to the child. Raising a child is very expensive, clothes, food, sickness & school. And how about extra heartache!!! I love my children more than anything in the world. To me my family is the most important thing to me & I would not change anything, but it is a big responsibility. I know one thing I don't want to raise any more kids.
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing! ^_^