If your friend broke your trust...?

@krajibg (11944)
Guwahati, India
July 9, 2009 9:31pm CST
Not to speak much about this that more or less we all have friends. some define this as 'best friend', some 'friends' and yet some other just 'friends' It would surely be belittling the importance of the need of friendship. At one point or the other we feel the need of friends for there are certain occurrences and situation we can not or do not feel comfortable communicating to our parents or relatives and think better had it been told to a friend! You feel a friend is a person to confide your personal thing. But - if you see that more than three time s your friend has broken your faith and trust what you do or would do? There are some who give three chances to rectify the friend like Brutus. What is your take on this?
4 people like this
25 responses
@ratyz5 (7836)
• Philippines
15 Jul 09
Its really a case to case basis. How one would forgive or look over someone's shortcoming when it comes to trust. Some people are really forgiving while others don't really bother forgiving a person for doing something disappointing. In some situations, it would really depend on the magnitude of the information and detail. If it is something that would really tarnish one's reputation, I guess it would really be difficult to forgive that person who intentionally or unintentionally made it aware for others. Three chances would seem reasonable for things that aren't really that serious. If they could not keep simple information for themselves, what more if you would tell them delicate details? I would only trust those who I know that also trust me as well.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi Ratyz, Your reaction in such situation is valid and legitimate. If any one of your acquaintance does something to smear all bads on your person this is natural that you react accordingly.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7836)
• Philippines
21 Aug 09
Yeah, trust is something earned and not something that you easily give, even to those that you have been with for a long time. In fact, being with someone for a long time would surely grant you awareness if you can easily trust a person or not at all.. (-_- )
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
22 Aug 09
Yes, trust is not something that does not change colour. Even there is possibility of a breach of trust that you have been trusting all these years.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18472)
• India
10 Jul 09
Who would know it better than me? I experienced this painful thing in life. I had a so called best friend. I helped him many time and so did he.But He also asked for money when he needed and all.But i observed he was somehow avoiding me when i moved to my home city. The main reason was he was not getting so much help then. Then the broke my trust and I am in no more contact with him.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi Subha, I know this is too painful when a good friend cheats on you and breaks the trust you had on his/her. The would takes a long time to heal or in some case does not heal at all and the friendship remains an acquaintance only.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27879)
• Malaysia
10 Jul 09
friends - trustworthy friends
Hi raj, friendships come in many forms as what you categorized them here. We may have friends who doesn't tell the truth, and then returns to apologize and thinks everything will be all right. But after a couple of such betrayals, you may just not be able to trust her again. But ask yourself if you are being fair, and how many chances a person should get before you just have to turn away. I could still excuse one or twice betrayals and a third may still survive my trust but anything beyond that needs my serious attention. Unfortunately, part of the problem is that if they continue to engage in betrayal behavior, are consistently forgiven and are considered trustworthy, the more likely they are to continue along that path. There is little motivation to change. If I decide to still want a friend in my life for whatever reason, I have to change the nature of the friendship. I do not want to leave myself open or vulnerable.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi zandi, That what you have put up is the very practical part of the event. Friendship. as many consider can stand on one leg but I feel this is not the case. Any relation needs reciprocation and it is a two way traffic. Personally I would not be so easy with a friend who breaks my faith and trust. And at the most I could concede him/her two chances to amend things if not adieu.
1 person likes this
@tjades (3594)
• Jamaica
10 Jul 09
At whatever level of friendship I hold someone, breaking my trust plays a huge role in whether or not we continue to be friends. I do not give up to three chances either. Once I get the feeling that you are prone to hurt me through your actions I call it quits. I also prefer to be upfront with people so that person would know for sure that I am no longer interested in having them as a friend and exactly why I no longer want this. I really find it rather difficult to smile with and be comfortable with persons I do not trust.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi tjades, As it plays a huge role for me it would be too hard to continue as friends as well. Yes there are some who tend to give up to three chances. But I do not give either. What is the benefit out of it any way?
@tjades (3594)
• Jamaica
22 Aug 09
Just placing yourself at the mercy of the other person all over again I guess. that forme is an absolute no no. Thamks for the BR .
@dragon54u (27584)
• United States
10 Jul 09
I give one chance only. Anyone can utter something accidentally and I will forgive them. But if they do it again, I will no longer trust them. I learned a long, long time ago not to burden a friend with secrets. It's really not fair to them because it's against our nature to keep a secret. If I do not tell a friend secrets, I don't risk their betrayal. I keep my secrets to myself for the most part. If I absolutely need to tell someone, I'll tell my mother or sister or my stepmother.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
I know , I know , I know........
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@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
You too know what I know and I would not to recollect that anymore. OMG!!!!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Aug 09
There is room for forgiveness but I am not sure If I am ready to accept him or her to be my friend again. In friendship it is not easy to give your trust, giving your trust is like giving your life, so if someone fails to take good care of that trust, it is like ruining my life. Those friends who broke my trust must start from zero, to gain my trust again. There is always a second chance, but i will not pormise that I can give back my trust 100%.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
what happens in a broken or about to be broken relation is that there appears a complexity and it grows at times so large that there is left no possibility for reunion. But there are some exception however.
@mimpi1911 (25467)
• India
15 Jul 09
Friendship is most beautiful and if any one kind of breaks my trust I am ready to give him/her a second chance. I would try to work on situations that could bring us back together gain. But if the same repeats I think I would be hurt, sad and let go. Some people are never destined to be together and I think its better for both to stay part.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi Mimpi, You are right that some people are never destined to be together. This could be either due to compatibility or breach of trust. dhanyabad
@celticeagle (71686)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Jul 09
I have two friends that I felt were my best friends. I have known them forever and they know my history and the type of person I am. Or least I thought they both did. Now one is like a sister to me so I know above all else that she can be trusted. The other one always was a bit off and has recently showed herself to be a deceitful and betraying person. It is sad too because she lives close and we used to have such fun together. I will not put up with such people and I told her goodbye and have not spoken to her since I found out about what happened.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi celti, That should be your good move. To trust and keep in faith and not trust biding bye bye to the one who is in question mark of faith and trust. Appreciate your response.
• Portugal
10 Jul 09
Well, breaking trust is very bad, but (i know it is easier to talk than to do) you should always give a chance. As Jesus Christ said " if your brother offends you do not forgive him 7 times, but 70 times 7". This applies to any friend, as i believe all humans are brothers, and of course the 70 x 7 means infinite. So, to me, this is very clear, you should always give another chance, not of course letting people to harm you. happy myloting
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Breaking of trust often takes place in any relation. This is perhaps one of the darker side of ours. We know this is bad but still indulge in such activity and beguile our friends and break trust.
• India
10 Jul 09
Its True that will all need friends to share some things that we can not share with the family but at times we get pushed towards people who might ultimately try to take advantage of our situations.. One can be easily cheated if we entrust in the other person without actually knowing him /her so its important to know the other person before considering him/ her as your good, best friend .
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi, Thee is point in what you have put. I wanted to say that you tell only to a trusted friend not to all. And this is too true that once friend could turn an enemy tomorrow. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jul 09
i understand your problem because once my friend also broke my faith when i shared my secret with him , i did not even dreamed that my best friend can do it when we both quarreled he said all my secrets to my enemies through which i had my weak point and they would always teaze me in my class if i would try to hit them they would shout the hint of my secret through which i would shut my mouth rather than scolding them. then from that time i only share my secrets with those whose secrets were with me too so that when they try to spread out my secrets then i may say that "if u will say mine then i will say yours to your parents too". so remember when u share something with your friends then u must have something about them okay! "take care"
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Ki Kapil, Let me tell you one important think on relation. You remember the character of Brutus who turned a traitor and was among the killer of his friend Julius Caesar? In no case tell your friend the utmost secret that you have. Keep something for you as you do not know when you best friend would turn your worst enemy. Human possibility can not be ruled out.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11504)
• India
10 Jul 09
I vaguely recall having answered another similar discussion topic of yours Rajib about a friend who spoke ill behind one's back. The same thing stands. Once betrayed it is difficult to continue giving the same sort of trust we placed earlier in this friend.This does not mean we sulk or anything but we just keep the friend at a greater distance and what is once lost cannot be got back with the same intensity.
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@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi Kala, yes it was somewhat similar though the theme was different. I know your stnace on such issue. Thanks a lot for responding.
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@abanerji (1026)
• India
10 Jul 09
hi dada friendship is the closest relationship. i feel that if there is no trust or if there are betrayals in a relationship then there is no existance of friendship. i had a friend whom i trusted a lot and even respected her. she somehow broke my trust. i came to know about it after long but the moment i came to know about her deeds i walked out of the relationship. when you trust someone, you give her 100% chnace to be your friend. if they are unable to carry those chances then the rest of the chances would do no good for them. giving such people a second chance is inviting touble for yourself.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi sis, Feel sorry to know the haps with you. I know you are a sensitive and very trustworthy girl. and your sort of woman get easily hurt and the would that you receive doses not get healed so easily. Once you walk out of the relation means a full stop to it. Even I do not think you should let her step into your world once again. Take care....
1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7567)
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
I had an experience of this once. That I promised to myself not to treat him anymore the way it used to be. It took a year or two before we met again but I had forgiven him and forget everything that passed....
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi, if you have this kind of separation soon after the bitter relation it is better later on to forget and forgive. Thanska lot for the response.
1 person likes this
• China
10 Jul 09
Haveing friends is one of the hapyy things in me life.But it has confused me for a long time that what is a real friend should have.I am a student,I cann;t tell apart who is friend,who is classmates .It is interesting.But I do have some real friends I think.They whould back at me whatever is happen.So I am luck and happy.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
As long as you are a student usually those classmates you are more close are your friend. And that you have been being backed by them is a great thing indeed. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
10 Jul 09
After the third time, I would have a small amount of trust of the person. This has actually happened several times to me, so I am not making an opinion based on imagination. In two cases the broken trust had a great impact on my life, so the status of those involved changed from friends to acquaintances. Where the impact is small I treat them like normal friends.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
10 Jul 09
Hi rosdimy, That is my take too. three is the ultimate concession and none I suppose would go beyond this. after all we are human beings and have our limitation as well. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• India
3 Aug 09
Hello my friend Rajib Ji, AS far as we both are concerned, we have never been instrumental in breaking any kind of friendship. But my hubby had a friend since child-hood and now because of difference of opinion, he feels guilty and friendship is broken. It is a great set back. It holds good for everyone of us here. May god bless You and have a great time.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi jee, This is correct that none wishes to beak any relation but as it is after all human mind and human nature something or the other comes up and unknowingly though there appears fissure in the relation.
1 person likes this
• India
19 Aug 09
Hello my friend Rajib Ji, As far as i am concerned, it will never be broken from my side. I would do all the very best to maintain and do all possible to remain cool. But never mind, if it was to be broken, then God never wanted and there must be something good in that. May God bless You and have a graet time.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
22 Aug 09
Hi Jee This is only due to your wisdom and compunction towards human folly tat you can do so. Not possible for all.
1 person likes this
@larish (2196)
• Philippines
4 Aug 09
My personality has the tendency on not to trust again if my trust has been broken by a dear friend. I think I will forgive her the first time but the second time she did it to me, I think I cannot give her back the chance. Hapy myloting.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi, Many people have the tendency to forgive for the fist time and that is not bad as it were. But giving several chances is not fair for both the sufferer and other members as well.
@Canellita (12061)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Anytime you tell someone a "secret" you risk it being found out. If your friend has a big mouth then you don't tell your friend anything you would not like to have repeated. If the friend is committing larger acts of disloyalty such as stealing or getting involved with a mate or marriage partner there is no need to continue to call that person a friend.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi Cane, Yes this is why I never open myself up even to the closest of my friends about my secret or think that could bring ill feelings later. Prevention is better than cure and thus you are saved of the heart burn for a shortwhile though.
@dawnald (83884)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Jul 09
Depends on the nature of the breach of faith, how close the friend is, etc. It would have to be something pretty big for me to drop a friend altogether, but I would stop telling her things that I didn't want anybody else to know.
@krajibg (11944)
• Guwahati, India
19 Aug 09
Hi dawn, Yes that is too look into. Our actions are never the same on each and every mater and give damn to some and take to the core of some. And naturally there would pop up hindered questions before entrusting the person who broke my trust.