At the End of my Rope

@dorannmwin (36698)
United States
October 12, 2010 2:56pm CST
Earlier this year we "sold" one of our cars to my in-laws. We sold it to them at the book value but they were unable to get a bank loan at that time to pay for it so we agreed to let them have six months to pay us back. Well, here we are six months later and they've only given us $75 toward the car. We are going through a tough time right now because of doctor's visits and such and my husband is afraid to tell them that we need the money because his parents will complain about the fact that we don't have money. I really don't know what we should do about it. The title is in our names still so I could technically go get the car, but again, I don't want to cause more family problems than there already are.
2 people like this
16 responses
@katsmeow1213 (29029)
• United States
12 Oct 10
Why would his parents complain about you not having money? Everyone is having a tough time right now. If they agreed to pay that price, then they should pay it. They shouldn't be giving you a hassle! I guess I'd just find a polite way of saying "Hey, you still owe us XXX for the car.. can you make another payment soon or would you like to give us the car back so we can sell it to someone else?"
2 people like this
• United States
14 Oct 10
I agree with katsmeow. I think giving them the option of giving the car back should give enough of a hint to get the point across. They shouldn't be taking advantage of you by not continuing to pay you for the car. It is hard when you have family members involved.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
Oh kat, I completely agree with you and that is what my mother is suggesting that we do as well. It is just that my hubby is so afraid of his father and I really don't know why it is that he is scared of his dad.
• United States
18 Oct 10
Yeah.. I get it.. my husband is afraid of his father as well.. which is another reason I am leary of this move. Hubby will not stand up to his father, even if I threaten divorce! Is there anything his parents can take away from you if you tick them off that much? You're not renting your house from them or borrowing a car from them... so they can't really get back at you if you demand your payments or ask for the car back... so no reason to be afraid of them. Worst that can happen is they'll give you the silent treatment for awhile until they get over it. So one of you will have to buckle down and talk to them.
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
14 Oct 10
The truth is you will likely never get your money for that car. They know they don't have to pay you for it, because they know you don't want to go get it, because they know you are afraid that your doing so will cause trouble. This is why you should NEVER enter a business deal with your family members. My father-in-law had a mobile home that he let one of his brother-in-laws move into many years ago. The man lived in that trailer for 5 years and NEVER paid the rent LOL
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
Oh, I tend to disagree with that one because we will either go get the car back or get the money out of it even if it does mean that we will no longer be able to have a relationship with his parents. I just don't understand why they treat Tom so differently than his brothers. With his brothers they will give them anything that they ask for and it really burns me up.
• United States
18 Oct 10
Knowing me, I would have been over there to get it already. LOL You are probably a little nicer than I am though LOL
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
13 Oct 10
I am really not sure what advice to offer here~you are in a very diffucult situation.I guess this is why they say dont lend family/friends money or things you expect them to pay for or give back! Of course it is those closest to us that feel,in some sort of way,they dont owe you because youare close,or if they cant pay it is ok because of it. Perhaps youcould bring it up in a general conversation,even about being in dire need of money,or casually ask if there is any way they coul d put something towards the car because you could really use it.I hope that it all turns out good for you.I know it is a bad situation.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
It is really a terrible situation. The thing is they were supposed to get a bank loan and can't do that because they'd already financed this year. However, I also know that they shouldn't be hurting for money and I think that they are trying to pull the wool over our eyes.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
19 Oct 10
Wow...And they knew this before hand and didnt tell you guys? That is what it sounds like to me. I really wonder why family think it is ok to do such things because it is family...
@bunnybon7 (35475)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Oct 10
god, i sure know about that. i will never sell to a family member or friend ever again. i loaned my son in law 13,000 dollars 3 yrs ago to pay off the van they had, so they could have cheaper payments by paying me plus no interest payments. dont you know, he kept it in his name. then my daughter left him and half the time he'd skipped payments already and now that i live so far away, when i didnt get a payment i would call him. he began to say i was harrassing him and stopped totally. now, to get it id have to take him to court but dont have the extra 300 dollars for that either. so hes pretty well off the hook and still owes me 10,000 bucks
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
13 Oct 10
It is amazing the things that people will let come between them and those closest to them.I am sorry to hear about this.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
I think this is the last time that we will ever sell something to a family member as well unless they have the money upfront. We did it as a favor to them because they'd had the car for quite some time and were putting more miles on it than we'd planned on. However, they have left us up a creek at this point.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
14 Oct 10
i was in a similar situation (though it does not involve a car) and we are just too careful to say something that could offend. there were times i talk straightforward about them and i felt hubby was hurt. if not for hubby, i will definitely be telling them everything i want to tell about money matters and the other not so good things they did. i guess it helps to be careful at times on what to say and not be carried away. but still, we have to tell them what we think. it does not do any good to be silent when there is a need to talk. some in-laws tend to be abusive.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
You're right. I think that especially my mother-in-law is abusive toward me in many ways. She is the one that I've caught in series of lies and I don't understand why she finds it necessary to lie to me.
@Hatley (164759)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Oct 10
hi dorannmwin yes Cynthiann has it right,it is your husbands folks so he has to be honest and forthright and ask for more money as you really do need it, anyone else you would not have gone out on a limb for but now the six weeks are up.Let them complain but your hubby has to stiffent his spine and say,mom dad we have had a lot of extra expense with doctor bills and we do need that money now,please? I know its tough but you two have been patient with them . He should 'say we still hold the title you know and that might speed up them finding the money. They knew when they agreed on six months that they would have to come up with the money ,at least a good share of it; I need inlaw relations are sort of touchy but.!!!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
You and Cynthiann are both right. I just wish that there was some sort of a way that I could help Tom to grow a spine. I love him more than anything in the world, but as the time passes that we've been together, I can't help but wonder if there is some sort of abuse in his past and that is the reason that he is so scared of his parents.
@eshaan (6193)
• India
13 Oct 10
you can tackle it in another way..try bringing car to your house slowly for some work and then slowly keep it with u for one day then longer and so on...they can also not force you to give back as they have not paid....better tackle it with love than hot words...
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
You are right that it should be handled with love because of the fact that it is family, but they are really driving me insane with this one.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
13 Oct 10
This is a lesson that still shows it's ugly head in our family. Never lend, sell, purchase or borrow from family. Somewhere, sometime it's going to bite you in the butt. Been there, done that over and over again. Blessings.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
Well, it is a lesson that I've just recently learned. However, now that I've been there and done that, it won't be something that I will ever be doing again.
• United States
13 Oct 10
I agree that your Hubby needs to step up to the plate and demand the money. Or I'd even say, that you'll sell the car to whomever and you'll refund their $75 but you need to handle your affairs first not theirs as they are adults, just as you two are.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
I told Tom that we should do that, but he doesn't seem to think that something like that would be right.
@Thoroughrob (11756)
• United States
13 Oct 10
I would ask them for the money. They owe it to you and have not fulfilled their part of the deal. You did not do it to give them the car and you should not have had to ask for the money in the first place. I would not feel bad for asking.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
In this kind of situation I wouldn't feel bad about asking for it either, but the fact of the matter is that I can't deal with his parents at all because I've caught them in so many lies and it makes me really angry.
@much2say (38683)
• United States
13 Oct 10
I just hate it when people "take advantage" at times when it comes to family. My sister in law and her stupid hubby is that way towards my in laws. For some reason, the hubby keeps losing his truck (he says it got stolen, or it got repossessed, or whatever lie he makes up) and the in laws get suckered into giving them money for a down payment on a new car. A few years ago, I could not believe that the in laws actually GAVE them their own car . . . the intention was for them to take over the existing payment, but of course, they never saw any repayment for it - and the in laws just let it go (again). The stupid hubby traded it or sold it - and bought himself another stupid big truck which they didn't need (they needed a family car that holds them all - them plus 4 big kids - plus so that sister in law could learn to drive - yes, she never drove!). ANYWAY . . . I agree with another poster that your hubby should be the one to tell them they need to cough up the dough. Bottom line is it doesn't matter what his parents think - a deal is a deal - the agreement was six months. If it effects your financial situation - then he definitely needs to speak up. It's probably a pride thing regarding his parents, but ya know - sometimes you gotta swallow it so you don't get into a worse situation (if you need the money, you need the money). His parents are not the issue here - it's the in laws. Giving them a wee benefit of the doubt, perhaps they need a "reminder" that six months are up and can they please start paying you guys back!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
Oh, they've started paying us back, but in my opinion it is a joke. They've sent us $50 the past two months, now if they keep it up at that rate it is going to take them a total of 32 months to pay for the car. I'm sorry, but even a buy here, pay here lot doesn't accept payments that small on a monthly basis.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
12 Oct 10
You keep out of it and your husband has t come up to the plate and discuss it with them. Let them complain- they are not paying your medical bills. He has to discuss it with them but not you. It is his parents and he has to do it.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
18 Oct 10
I know exactly what you mean. I just wish that Tom wasn't so afraid to talk to his parents. I've asked my mother for help when we've needed it in the past, but he seems to have problems with asking his parents for money that is rightfully ours.
@KrauseHome (34982)
• United States
30 Sep 11
Hoping by now that things have gotten better with this situation. This is one of the main reasons a lot of families refuse to help someone close to them, or loan them money, etc. is because when they are unable to pay it back, or not wanting to pay it back it can cause friction and often times hard feelings for all. I would hope somehow they have seen your need and wanted to pay back as promised as well.
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Oct 10
Tell them that you need the money. And if they give you crap, give them crap back for not paying you.
@bestboy19 (5482)
• United States
20 Oct 10
This is one of the reasons we should never do business with family or friends. If you signed a contract with them and they've reneged, you have every right to take the car back, a bank would; but maybe, for starters, you should remind them that the car payment is past due. Your financial needs have nothing to do with whether or not they pay you for the car. They made a deal with you.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
19 Oct 10
Uggh! That's why I don't want to do any business with family, because I don't want to be put in this situation. Specially with in-laws. Anyway, you should let your husband deal with it. It's his family. And he should be able to explain your situation to them better. Anyway, goodluck!