Choosing priorities when everything is important!!!
By JenInTN
@JenInTN (27514)
United States
December 1, 2012 6:06am CST
It's hard. I know that over the past few months I have struggled with a schedule where everything is important and nothing can be put off.
I think that today's society has put so much pressure on people to succeed that we barely know when we are coming and going. Well...there is the possibility that I have pressured myself a bit..but we'll just blame it on society for now
Succeed is a hard defined word though. It can be no more than food on the table for us.
I have horribly missed being here like I used to be but I keep holding out for the time when I accomplish the things I have set out to do. I graduate next year with my business degree, I am currently supervising three shifts at the factory I work for and I take care of my new grand daughter at night while my daughter works. Of course the new GD take precedence to all, but there is my other daughter of equal importance here in high school that needs me too. That one has as much..hmm..spirit we will call it..as I did at that age.
I guess what I am trying to say is I miss you all and I hope that next year will bring me here more.
Have you ever had trouble choosing priorities because it was all important?
Did you keep up with the rat race and, if you did, share your secrets with us.
Succeed is a hard defined word though. It can be no more than food on the table for us.
I have horribly missed being here like I used to be but I keep holding out for the time when I accomplish the things I have set out to do. I graduate next year with my business degree, I am currently supervising three shifts at the factory I work for and I take care of my new grand daughter at night while my daughter works. Of course the new GD take precedence to all, but there is my other daughter of equal importance here in high school that needs me too. That one has as much..hmm..spirit we will call it..as I did at that age.
I guess what I am trying to say is I miss you all and I hope that next year will bring me here more.
Have you ever had trouble choosing priorities because it was all important?
Did you keep up with the rat race and, if you did, share your secrets with us.9 people like this
22 responses
@allknowing (130064)
• India
1 Dec 12
I have scaled down a lot when it comes to socialising. It was a hard decision for me but after weighing the pros and cons I have liberated myself from all those obligations. I have analysed what an outing means to me - dressing up, travelling, greeting everyone there with a fixed grin - the most difficult of all and all this what for? I prefer a one on one interaction which would be through phone calls or visits occasionally. By doing this atleast 20 percent of my time is saved for pursuits that give me joy.
I don't need to earn for a living as that is taken care of and here too I have scaled down my needs drastically because I have no appetite for it any more such as buying expensive clothes or even going for jewelry. I have huge expenses to maintain SOLITAIRE, though.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
I often wonder allknowing what it would mean to be liberated. Am I liberated now or imprisoned? A little of both I suppose. I have no appetite for fancy things either and live very modestly. I would love to have a SOLITAIRE. I have been eyeing a place called ANTEBELLUM here but there is no way that I could afford it unless I had some kind of business out of it which would likely mean having people there all the time.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
1 Dec 12
I have been discussing with chrystalia about how people in the US never have the saving habit unlike us where right from our first salary a bit of it is held back by the company and the company puts in an equal amount which gets accumulated. This along with other saving instruments such as the pension scheme make us independent and self sufficient after we have put in a few years of service. We also have the health insurance which takes care of all our medical expenses. In the absence of all this you guys need to have something going on till the end of time and therefore your ANTEBELUM would have to be an earning proposition for you as well. May be you could isolate living area from the earning area.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
Those kind of perks are certainly few and far between in the US. You have to find a job that offers those benefits and in these days and times...it is very rare. I am lucky in that aspect, but I was 26 before I found the job that could have made me self sufficient with a few years of service. I do, however, see myself not being able to retire for many moons after retirement age.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10874)
•
1 Dec 12
Hi Jen,
I think that it is true that society wants us to succeed and that we are "programmed" from a very early age to achieve and when we have achieved, achieve some more! 
Now, as a Zen practitioner, I can see quite clearly how my "achieving mind" stands in the way of me getting a direct experience of who I am, as there are a few characters or personalities that manifest depending on what I am doing or who I am with.
As a therapist, as a husband, brother, friend, acquaintance. I am achieving a character roll. Zen doesn't suggest that I destroy these character rolls, but just be aware of them, and focus on who it is that is behind the character. This is where "no-thing" or "no-mind" can manifest.
Ultimately we can be without these automatic achieving characters, that doesn't mean to say that we will just sit around and do nothing, but will engage in being more total and more aware of what unfolds in our life and how we respond to it. This is the purpose of Zen. That is if Zen was to have a purpose. It's very paradoxical because to have a purpose means to strive and try and change what is so, taking us out of the moment of here-now. If you can get all that! 
_Derek
Now, as a Zen practitioner, I can see quite clearly how my "achieving mind" stands in the way of me getting a direct experience of who I am, as there are a few characters or personalities that manifest depending on what I am doing or who I am with.
As a therapist, as a husband, brother, friend, acquaintance. I am achieving a character roll. Zen doesn't suggest that I destroy these character rolls, but just be aware of them, and focus on who it is that is behind the character. This is where "no-thing" or "no-mind" can manifest.
Ultimately we can be without these automatic achieving characters, that doesn't mean to say that we will just sit around and do nothing, but will engage in being more total and more aware of what unfolds in our life and how we respond to it. This is the purpose of Zen. That is if Zen was to have a purpose. It's very paradoxical because to have a purpose means to strive and try and change what is so, taking us out of the moment of here-now. If you can get all that! _Derek2 people like this
@derek_a (10874)
•
2 Dec 12
I guess that we have to find our true Self. That self who is behind our roles, and then knowing who we really are (self as awareness), we can be more conscious when we slip into a role and be able to choose to come out of that role. Who we are is who we are conditioned to be, but if we can realize that this conditioning is not our true authentic being-ness, we can then create for ourselves who we really are and what roles we wish to play without them being automatic.. Perhaps.. LOL - 
_Derek
_Derek@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
I haven't thought of it in the context you have presented, but I have considered the "character roles" that you mention. There is a huge separation in my personal and professional life and to be honest..I have resented the fact that there must be roles. I am also almost driven trying to figure out what it is exactly that I am supposed to be doing and I think that is why I cover myself up so much. Staying busy also keeps the thoughts at bay which saves me a ton of trouble.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
I think that to find the true self I would have to take several pieces of all the roles and sew them together like a Frankenstein. Maybe then. I think there is some of who I am in all of them. I once considered the fact at how calculated we had to be all the time..with our jobs, our children, our thoughts..and it irritates me. I suppose it does come "naturally" for most people to fall in these roles. I usually consider my placement when..well...it would be conforming.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
2 Dec 12
WEll since that diccusion I been back in the hospital for 9 days had tree stents put in right leg been out about 3 weeks and foot stays swollen and shoots pains been told tis is normal when the blod is getin used to where it is surpose to go.
and I havee beentook off one heart pill and got 2 new ones and lost about 12 pounds in the process Daughter worries about the weight lose I am not as I am down to what I want to be but I know onc e my taste gets back ot normal I will gain some back.
Oh my is that a fact or a treat of getting into something once you graduate lolollll.
Never know ya might just join me in sampleing coffee to people and make some money! JOking Not WOuld love to have you on the crew
Now dont go to getting into tomuch trouble lololololol
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Wow..my I remember years and years ago when my grandmother had stints put in. SHe had to have someone help her for quite some time after the surgery. She had several done at the same time in various parts of her body. The weight loss is scary when it's sudden.
I am thinking that getting into something after I graduate and have extra time can be a little of both that fact and treat. It might even depend on who you ask around that time as to what it is You really never do know..I may actually try that coffee thing. I am working on a market plan for a specialty coffee shop as we speak for my Marketing class.
You really never do know..I may actually try that coffee thing. I am working on a market plan for a specialty coffee shop as we speak for my Marketing class.@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
Heyya Lakota!!! How have you been??? I have missed and wondered about you since your last discussion about what happened to you.
I do hope that next year will be a bit slower for me. I have a way of filling up all those empty spaces though so there is no telling what I will get in to after I graduate..lol.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
1 Dec 12
Hearing you loud and clear, rainbow girl!!! I gotta admit..when the going get's tough, and the mountains a little higher, somethings have to go by the wayside, for the concentration of energy where needed! I had a few months "opt out" as I needed ALL reserves! I am thinking you are putting a very high achievement level on yourself...as so seldom we hear of you having some downtime, like the fun pic you posted around this time last year...or your pajama parties...TIME for some Jen time..and take the target off yourself, dear one! HUGZ!2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Happy Birthday, Jen. I knew u were good folks, lol mine is mon.
Hi Shirley.love & hugs to u both. Jo
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
It is so wonderful to see you dear friend. I have missed you so!!! I am so happy to see you back.
I am on a long weekend now..my b-day is Sunday which allows me an extra day off with pay for the weekend. I will have to try and schedule some fun..lol.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159083)
• Boise, Idaho
1 Dec 12
I think people today are very conpeditive and all want to be #1 and get there first. Succeed, compete,accomplishment, supervising, and etc. And your GD and the one in high shcool all take precdence over and anything and everything else. Priorities are fun to toy with. It seems that my sense of being usually picks what needs tobe done and leads me in the right direction. Happy holidays to you and yours and squeese a toe that new little one for me. Ill be thinking of you and hope that all your priorities get the right amount of your time. Take care.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
I am thinking that life will be much easier when everyone that lives and works with me realizes that I am #1
Really though..you are right. I know you are fascinated with psychology like I am and I once did some research that indicated the demands you just mentioned can be directly related to the increase in anxiety disorders. Phobias and all seem to be linked to the demands on people today.
Thanks for the thoughts and I just squeezed that little toe for you.
Really though..you are right. I know you are fascinated with psychology like I am and I once did some research that indicated the demands you just mentioned can be directly related to the increase in anxiety disorders. Phobias and all seem to be linked to the demands on people today.
Thanks for the thoughts and I just squeezed that little toe for you.2 people like this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Dec 12
At least you're getting some real cash, something I miss to a certain extent.
We know you're here eventually and it's nice to see you as well.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
Hi Janey! It's nice to see you too. I am lucky to have the job I do in these times. So many people are suffering that it makes me worry that I it will come my turn sooner or later. I do get so very tired sometimes. Working as closely as I do with people can be taxing.
Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
I have always been amazed at people that can just find a job no matter what..lol. I know that my daughter's ex has had a ton of jobs since they started seeing each other and hasn't kept a one. That's another discussion though...lol.
My daughter has been at her job for two and half or three years now...the time flies so fast I can't remember, but anyway, they only work her up to 39 hours to keep her from being fulltime. I just hate that. I suppose it is good that she gets 39 but there are weeks when she barely gets 30.
That's another discussion though...lol.
My daughter has been at her job for two and half or three years now...the time flies so fast I can't remember, but anyway, they only work her up to 39 hours to keep her from being fulltime. I just hate that. I suppose it is good that she gets 39 but there are weeks when she barely gets 30.@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Dec 12
Yes, a friend of my Mum's has 3 jobs. As far as I know it was due to her and her husband divorcing and she has to do this in order to keep the house..something like that.
I know that's not your situation but it's happening more and more. There are those in part-time employment that WANT more hours but cannot get them. And I can't get one job never mind 3 lol.
@AmbiePam (85531)
• United States
1 Dec 12
Well, I hope your daughter appreciates you watching your granddaughter. Contrary to what we children may believe, our parents are not automatic babysitters. I hate to see grown kids exploit their parents as babysitters all the time. I'm not at all saying that is what your daughter is doing. I mean I don't know her at all. I just can't imagine how hard it is to have all that going on.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
It is tough AmbiePam. Before Kimber's pregnancy I always said that I had raised my children and if they had children that I would watch them some but they would have to be responsible...yea..right. Did I ever eat my words when that teeny weeny kiss from above came into my life. I can not tell you the joy she brings me. I had not imagined the strength of the love that I felt the moment I laid eyes on her and I have been mesmerized ever since. I am lovestruck..lol. I suppose Kimber has the ability to take advantage if she decided to but I do hope that she won't. I know she needs to work and I guess I remember how tough it was for me when I was alone.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
2 Dec 12
I know I am not as busy as you are or many of the others here but I do get your point and have the idea of how it feels. I just wish though that I have your strength, courage, and that gift of discerning things, particularly on things that are important and just less important. I am glad that you still find time to be here and share great stuff, which I almost always look forward to.
As for me, I am weak, and I really believe I still lack the discipline of prioritizing tasks and other things. I have many flaws and it's something I wish I could work with and work out. I'm still okay, though so I guess there are some things that I'm still doing right.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
I don't think your one bit weak. I think that everyone has different things that pull them in their lives...yours are just as taxing as mine I am sure. They are just different things that pull us. It is hard when you have a ton of stuff going on but we always manage to do it. It is amazing what we can do when we set our minds to it.
Thanks for responding and I always look forward to your discussions too.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
3 Dec 12
"It is amazing what we can do when we set our minds to it."
Definitely true. Sometimes, it all it takes is just focus and then our body then follows on to whatever our mind is up to. It's hard to beat indolence, though. This is something that has plagued me for so long now.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Yeah, I prioritize, I get my work done and then relax unlike my husband who thinks relaxing and having fun is important..Thing is, by the time his "relaxing" whether it is a movie, (well it's always a movie) then it is too late or he's too tired to work..So even though I have been sick, I now have under a week to clean the house...
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Me too, but the great part is, with me being so sick for over 2 weeks, I have lost about 8 pounds..lol
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Dec 12
Hi JeninTn wow I do feel for you bu t for me I g uess I have been there and done all that from marriage and c hildren and work now I am retired for six years now so my days are boring here in Gold Crest retirement center. I never ever planned on being ion this kind of place b ut we had few if any choices when we were made
homeless. so now as there are no longer alot and read , relax and am happy most of the time.We missed you too so hope you will be more now. hugs from
htley.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
1 Dec 12
Hi Hately! I am glad to hear that you are able to relax now and are happy most of the time. Life does have a way of throwing those curve balls at us. I often wonder how much "control" we actually have sometimes..you know?
I do hope to be able to be around more. I always feel like I am missing out on all the good stuff.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
1 Dec 12
Lists saved my life and my soul many times and they become even more important as my memory fails. Once an action was down on paper I could more easily priorize it's place in my day. If you don't already use this I don't know how you get through your days. You must be SUPER woman to do what you are doing already. Blessing and we miss you
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
2 Dec 12
I can understand you being busy with all that you have to do.
I always have the priorities in order:
God
Myself
Family
Friends
Everybody else
Some have asked me why do I put myself in second place, before family. My reason is that if I don't take care of myself then I won't be able to take care of anyone else. Of course I don't do that but that's my list of priorities. Sometimes one has to take care of the squeaky wheel.
People come first, things come after people.
Life is not easy, the days are just too short, and time moves too fast.
Keep doing the best you can and all the best!
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
23 Jan 13
I think this why I get all my stress levels so high. I do suffer from the same thing. The recognition that everything is important. That everything has high priority. And it's up to us/me to decide which one goes first among all the high priorities. The stress comes from also knowing that as you deal with one important thing, another important thing is being neglected.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Jan 13
Indeed! I am on swing shifts right now so I can ultimately be in three places at once and trying to get through until graduation. I am just not willing to let that GPA drop..not this close to the end. Of course there is family that takes priority among all.....goodness..it's tough.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Dec 12
Dear JenInTN
Everything that we are into, seems so very important to us and when we are done with the thing many a times we do feel... Ah, so was that really that important. This is what happens with me many a times. But I am sure, the ones which you have on your list are never going to make you feel that way.
There were some good days when I had almost everything as top priority and making a selection which one to go about was difficult. But as all times and things to pass, the days passed too and I only realized this later - the things are important no doubt, but me is more important. What I mean to say is, despite all the busy things that you are occupied with at the moment, do take care of your health, your sleep and yourself. you are more precious to many than these works which keep you busy are to you.
You are deeply missed here by many, and I am sure, you would be back here soon, but then I also respect and accept the fact that there are many things beyond mylot which are important and must be attended to.
Take Care
Everything that we are into, seems so very important to us and when we are done with the thing many a times we do feel... Ah, so was that really that important. This is what happens with me many a times. But I am sure, the ones which you have on your list are never going to make you feel that way.
There were some good days when I had almost everything as top priority and making a selection which one to go about was difficult. But as all times and things to pass, the days passed too and I only realized this later - the things are important no doubt, but me is more important. What I mean to say is, despite all the busy things that you are occupied with at the moment, do take care of your health, your sleep and yourself. you are more precious to many than these works which keep you busy are to you.
You are deeply missed here by many, and I am sure, you would be back here soon, but then I also respect and accept the fact that there are many things beyond mylot which are important and must be attended to.
Take Care1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Thesids
I have not completely disappeared but I know that I have not been near as active as I was before. I still do try to come at least every couple of days. Without notifications anymore it has made it hard to catch up or not miss things. I think about my friends here often.
I do second guess myself sometimes about the school thing...it's not the first time. I have been a certified nurses' assistant( which doesn't require much school but some) and an electronics tech. I went back this time for several reasons. One was to make myself more competitive in case something happened with the company I work for, two was to be the best I could be in the field I ended up in by surprise, and three to set an example for the girls. There is a bit of love for learning in there too I must admit. I have so little time left compared to when I started though..lol...I feel it would be crazy not to finish now.
I will be here as much as I can and miss everyone when I'm not.
I have not completely disappeared but I know that I have not been near as active as I was before. I still do try to come at least every couple of days. Without notifications anymore it has made it hard to catch up or not miss things. I think about my friends here often.
I do second guess myself sometimes about the school thing...it's not the first time. I have been a certified nurses' assistant( which doesn't require much school but some) and an electronics tech. I went back this time for several reasons. One was to make myself more competitive in case something happened with the company I work for, two was to be the best I could be in the field I ended up in by surprise, and three to set an example for the girls. There is a bit of love for learning in there too I must admit. I have so little time left compared to when I started though..lol...I feel it would be crazy not to finish now.
I will be here as much as I can and miss everyone when I'm not.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
4 Dec 12
Recently I haven't been here like I would love to be either. I have a little business and have Christmas orders to fill...I am close to being done....just 12 sets of microwave mitts to make yet and deliver next week....then I'll be caught up and looking forward to more time spent here.....and family is the most important thing too. I now pick up my granddaughter three days a week when my son has her everyother week..
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
8 Dec 12
That great that you are getting to spend some time with your granddaughter. I am so used to mine coming over every day that I will be miserable when she doesn't anymore. Sounds like that business is doing very well too...congrats! I would love to start something but I am not sure what it would be if I did.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Hi Jen,
Your life sounds much like mine has always been...a balancing act. I, too, had the teens and a grown daughter, full time job, single parent and also took care of the grandchild on my time off so my daughter could work. In my case, 2 were teens and I also had a younger one that was 4 yrs older than my grandson. Currently, I have 3grandchildren and not a ton has changed except for that my girls are all grown now and so it's not quite so crazy. I wish I had some great advice for you but I don't. I will say that I often lost sleep in order to fit a bit of "me time" in. It was not unusual for me to be up at 3am taking a bath, reading a book, or just being on this computer. Friends would get after me for my lack of sleep time but the alternative was no personal time which made for a very grumpy me. I am one that can survive on a minimal amount of sleep anyway and getting that little window of personal space was more important and did more good than a couple extra hours of sleep. The rat race still continues. Still have a grandson that I watch on my nights off but I no longer get up and run kids to school or any of that and no teen at home. Hang in there, hon.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Hi sid,
I do try to do the me time but it does seem to be getting less and less. Mylot was that for me and now I am barely able to come. I might have to start staying up a little later for me too but I might end up on the couch with a bit of drool on my cheek..I know that is not a pretty picture but..well..it wouldn't be a pretty picture but it might get me some time.
Thanks for the support.
Thanks for the support.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Dec 12
thats how it was before i got disabled and retired. but ive got to say it was great. then again i wonder if it had a bit to do with my getting stressed and sick. maybe not. i often wondered how in the world my grandma did so much all day with no short cuts like microwave, and all the fast cooking foods. she put up canned food, ironed all the clothes, washed with old fashioed washer, etc. just wonder how she did it all
maybe not. i often wondered how in the world my grandma did so much all day with no short cuts like microwave, and all the fast cooking foods. she put up canned food, ironed all the clothes, washed with old fashioed washer, etc. just wonder how she did it all
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Hi Jen~ I must say that I give you alot of credit for being able
to handle all that stuff and still "keep it together"!lol You are
a great mom and grandmom and your kids are very lucky to have you.
Juggling all those tasks is definitely something to be proud of.
I only had myself to take care of and I could barely take care
of my one job and the stress I had to deal with. I can't even
fathom how you do it! I guess that things will calm down for
you at some point. You are definitely missed, but always thought
of, at least by me~
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Thank you Opal. You are certainly one that I miss a bunch and wonder often what all I am missing here with everyone.
The truth is that my spirit has often got me in trouble and filling my time exhausts me enough to keep me out of it. I do tend to overdo it though...as with most things I dedicate myself to.
I guess venting about my busy schedule and letting people here know that I am missing them horribly although I am not here makes me feel better.
It is my birthday today and the company allows us a day off. Mine is tomorrow so I have a long weekend. I will be here a bunch for a little while.
Take care and I'll be thinking of you too.
I do tend to overdo it though...as with most things I dedicate myself to.
I guess venting about my busy schedule and letting people here know that I am missing them horribly although I am not here makes me feel better.
It is my birthday today and the company allows us a day off. Mine is tomorrow so I have a long weekend. I will be here a bunch for a little while.
Take care and I'll be thinking of you too.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
2 Dec 12
I think mothers are burdened with these too much pressures in life! But seriously, we take everything as important and that as much as possible we want to do everything all at once as if there is no other time that is best to do them.
I feel the same way everyday as I want to get all things done in one sitting rather than do one thing then rest for a while then do the next thing.
It could be tiring physically and can be emotionally draining what that is just how it is.
But seriously, we take everything as important and that as much as possible we want to do everything all at once as if there is no other time that is best to do them.
I feel the same way everyday as I want to get all things done in one sitting rather than do one thing then rest for a while then do the next thing.
It could be tiring physically and can be emotionally draining what that is just how it is.@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Dec 12
Your right jenny. It can be crazy. I sometimes feel like if I sit down..that's it..never to get up again..lol. One night I went to bed with the book I was studying and woke up with a little bruise on my forehead. I had apparently fell asleep and when my b/f tried to take my book, he said I jerked my hand up with the pencil and stabbed my forehead saying..stop..I'm studying.
@skyandgrassplot (1497)
• China
2 Dec 12
Well,as for me,when I face those situation,because all those things are important then firstly I will choose the one which is most urgent,then the other.Secondly I will squeeze more time and energies to deal with them,we have no choice but need to face it,so we have to be more busy.
