14 year old boy calls ME cheap?! I don't THINK so!
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
Canada
March 20, 2009 10:51am CST
I have a friend... well, she's more of an acquaintance... that I've known since high school. We keep in touch occasionally via email and have gotten together for lunch a few times in as many years. Her two kids are very close in age to my two (each of mine are one year ahead of each of hers at school).
My younger daughter came home recently and told me that my friend's son was bothering her and embarrassing her at the bus stop and on the bus. They usually get along ok. This day, though, he questioned why she had a lunch bag. She said, "Because I don't like the cafeteria food much so I bring my own." Then he proceeded to insult her saying that her family (meaning me) is "cheap" because she carries an actual insulated lunch bag instead of using brown bags, she doesn't buy things at school, she brings generic products (like granola bars, fruit cups, etc.), her lunch is packed in reusable containers not wrapped in plastic, foil or in baggies (although I do, very rarely, use the snack-sized ziploc bags), etc.
I was livid! I feel the lunch bag and reusable containers are both economical AND they don't add any waste to the huge pile of stuff that already gets thrown away every lunch hour. They also allow me to offer my kids a variety of foods for lunch and, when they sit down to eat, their food is appealing rather than squashed up from being shoved in their backpacks. I'm not independently wealthy so, YES, I buy generics. Big deal. If my kids enjoy their lunch, it doesn't matter what name was on the original package. In these economic times, I don't know too many people that are in a hurry to throw money away if they don't have to. As far as buying lunch, I'd be more than happy to give them money occasionally to alternate against bringing lunch... but they don't want to. I offer and they refuse. Both girls prefer to take their own food.
Now, I do know this boy can be difficult. He is highly opinionated to the point of being rude because he thinks he is smarter than all the other kids (and tells them so!). He's gotten into trouble at school for exaggerated yawning in math class because he's "bored." He told the teacher straight out that her class was boring and not challenging enough for him... so the mother got a note about it. He knows my daughter gets good grades, often the highest in her class, and he seems to look for every opportunity to put her down or insult her. However, the whole lunch thing, I feel, was insulting ME, not my daughter. She doesn't make those choices.
So... what do I do? I wanted to fire off a pretty angry email to the mother LOL My first inclination was to tell her how arrogant her son was being and that, at 14, he better not be challenging my budget and habits LOL But then, I don't know if it's even worth bring it up. I mean, if one of my kids treated others that way, I'd want to know and have the opportunity to do something about it... would you? Or would you just let kids be kids and duke it out on their own?
7 people like this
19 responses
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Well in my opinion, as RIGHT as you are, I wouldn't email the mother. The truth is, the kid isn't hurting your daughter. Tell your kids to stay away from this little jerk and explain to them how good the things they do are for the environment.
One thing I'd teach your kids to say in response is that they don't have to explain themselves for why they use the lunches they use. This is what they like, end of story. They don't have to defend themselves (or you) at all.
That boy will figure life out when he starts paying his own bills in a few years and his parents aren't providing him lunch money anymore :-D I think money management is a life lesson and if his parets haven't taught him this lesson yet, they probably won't even if you mailed them.
If you did mail them, it would probably just cause them to have an attitude towards you. You said the boy gets in trouble already and doesn't change, so it's doubtful the parents even care when they get notes sent home.
3 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
20 Mar 09
This is really great, ladies, thanks so much! I appreciate all the comments. I think the main reason I even considered emailing his mom is because I've known her since we were the age our kids are now so it wouldn't have been an uncomfortable conversation. Had he been a stranger to me, I probably wouldn't have reacted the same way. I also know their family situation really well and I know that they are no better off than my family... in fact, I might hazard to say that they struggle more than we do, so that probably accounted for my initial "where do you get off?" gut reaction.
Vivasuzi is right on the money that the parents probably wouldn't do anything anyway. When the teacher sent that letter home about his behavior, the mom emailed me ranting about how bad the teacher is and finding many faults with her. I assume whatever I had to say would have likely fallen on deaf ears.
The comments he made really just hit me wrong... and I think it's because we all want to do the best by our kids, right? I felt, in that moment, like I'd let her down somehow or made her "different" when I never meant to. In retrospect, I know that's not the case... I mean it's JUST lunch *grin* (but still works as an example in my conversations with my daughter). It required perspective... and me to act like an adult which I'm very much hoping I have :D
Thanks again for your perspectives, too!
@kareng (80243)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Vivasuzi pretty much said everything I had planned to say. I don't think it is worth your time to send an email or even call the parent. If they have raised their children in this way, it wouldn't accomplish anything. I would just sit the kids down and tell them to stay away from the little snotty boy.
Don't get mad, just be proud of the way you are raising your kids! Have a great day!
@kimberlynnF (170)
• United States
20 Mar 09
The daughter has to put up with his rude remarks at the bus stop. She is really being bullied by this jerk of a kid. You all are right about what you said, but I also think the mom can give the girl some 'come backs' as far as what to say back to him to shut him up. She might even say "when you start buying my lunch for me I will quit bringing it to school with me then."
1 person likes this
@jeneias (608)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I didn't read the entire post...I stopped at "...AND they don't add any waste..."
I'm 16 years old, and even I think you should just leave it alone. That guy is immature. He's a child, and obviously isn't educated very well. Sounds very ignorant to me. But then again, and not to insult you (thinkingoutloud), but it is also very ignorant to get riled up over a 14 year old. What would I do? I would go to your friend, the boys mother, and speak to her, WITH the child in front of you. Let him hear your disappointment. Don't direct anything towards him. Talk to his mother only, but let him feel your words. Indirectly, ya know. If that doesn't do anything, then maybe have his father come into the picture (if possible?). If the disappointment of you and his mother doesn't get to him, then a father's disappointment definitely would. Another thing you could do is, with his mother, ask him why he thought your family's cheap. Then explain to him why you use and do what you do. If it's because of the economy, tell him!
My point is....you cannot leave a child on his own. Even if the child is a grown 14 year old teenager. He or she is still a child, unless they prove otherwise, and this boy is not proving otherwise. He's still stuck in his elementary days. He needs to smacked in the head with a little bit of reality, and life! haha
Last thing. Don't be angry at the mother. That boy is responsible for what he says to others and what he does to others. The mother doesn't have control, he does. Hope you understand what I mean by that.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
I think the line is quickly forming to the right for the opportunity to give that father a smack LOL!! He is not a well-liked person because of his rudeness and, point-blank, his loud mouth. My friend won't go out in public with him anymore because of it. I see the example he is setting for his son (and am thinking like you about the "do as I say, not as I do") and it's worrisome. I think, as I was mentioning to KrauseHome, that any conversation I may try to have with her about the boy's comments will be best done in person, when the timing is right.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
No offense taken, jeneias :) I'm very happy to have your feedback, particularly as a 16 year old since you would be more directly impacted by something like this. So thank you for offering your thoughts!
The fact of the matter is, I got riled up because I've known this boy since the day he was born, and I've known his mother since we were kids ourselves. Over all that time, I've learned that the father is incredibly critical of other people and he's also very rough on the boy. The father is bullyish in his own behavior and I really hate to see him passing it on to his son. (As I mentioned in an earlier comment, the father goes to town meetings and school committee/board meetings and he stands up at EVERY one to criticize people's ideas. He doesn't contribute positive alternatives... he just likes to raise his voice and be negative). In reaction to the father, the mother does nothing but baby the boy... she thinks she is "making up for" his father's treatment. I'm not angry at her for what he said to my daughter... I just considered telling her because, if my child was treating others that way, I'd hope to have a chance to intervene and encourage positive changes. Good suggestion about speaking to him with her there... I might have a go at that approach :)
And you are right... ultimately, he is in control of his own behavior, regardless of what his mother may or may not expect of him. I think that reality check you mentioned (with or without the smack in the head LOL!) will definitely come... probably sooner than later, courtesy of his peers.
@jeneias (608)
• United States
21 Mar 09
It makes more sense now that I know what the parents are like, particularly the father. I know first hand how fathers impact their kids life. And, sad to say, this father is not showing his son how to be a real man. Or, he's trying to, but the son is learning more from his fathers actions, not his words....like, that phrase parents always use: "do what I say, not what I do", well that's not right, it's hypocritical because if a parent does something wrong, what right does the parent have to tell the child not to do it? It's better if the parent sets an example with his actions. They speak louder than words. I could go on but hey, you already know that this boy isn't right, and needs some straightening up. But now we know the root of the problem, so you (and the mother?) should talk it over with the father too, even better with the kid, so he see's that his dad is just as wrong as he is.... Dad needs to realize his actions before anything can change for that kid. Once that happens, dad's opinion will matter a little more to the son. Looks like daddy needs a reality check and a smack in the head too!! lol
1 person likes this
@max1950 (2306)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Obviously their more interested filling the landfill with stuff that wont rot away until the year 6014 and their grandkids will be walking thru garbage on their way to school and their grandkid's and so on and so on. hey the reusable container is 1 of the greatest thing to come out food wise, bacteria dosen't get in and leftovers fit perfectly for the next day or 3-4 days later. their morons stay away and be happy, screw em.I USED TO BUY CASES OF BOTTLED WATER 4-5 A WEEK, NOW THE BRITA JUG WITH NO THROW AWAY PLASTIC WORK JUST FINE.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Thanks, max! :) I do think some people figure that reusable containers will be a hassle... washing them every day... but that doesn't bother me at all. It's quick to do once you have a routine about it. Those Brita jugs (or other filter jugs, I imagine) are great. We already have good quality tap water where I live and filtering it makes it taste even better. A worthwhile investment, I think! :)
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Ugh! I've been to places where you can actually smell the chlorine in the water as it comes out of the tap. We definitely don't have that. What we do have, though, are watering restrictions. It doesn't have to be during a drought or anything either. We have a permanent by-law in our city where you can only water your lawn on the dates that match your street address (even numbered address on even dates, odd on odd) and, even then, you can only water between 9PM and midnight so most people try to have a timer. Of course, plenty of people don't think the by-law applies to them... I have a few neighbors that run their sprinklers full blast in the backyard in the early evening and then move it to the front yard during the 9PM to midnight schedule. They think they won't get caught that way - because there is a fine if you do.
@max1950 (2306)
• United States
21 Mar 09
oh florida water is just down right nasty, check this out, 2 day's ago i was checking the clorine in the pool and i dont know why but i checked the tap water and the clorine was off the chart. when i lived in jersey my water bill was maybe 8 bucks a month because we had artesian wells, here, 300-400 per month and were surrounded by water. see now my neighbor gets p.o.'d because im letting my lawn die until the rainy season and it looks bad, well tuff, im not paying 600 just to run my irrigation water for him to be happy, not happening pal im cheap !!!!
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
28 Jun 09
Actually I think I would have done two things: first I would have told my daughter that the next time he starts in about her lunch to point out to him that maybe if he asked his mother she'd take the time to pack him a nice healthy meal to eat. I'd also send an email to the boys mother and mention that he pays so much attention to my daughters lunch and how it's packed and everything that it seems that he may be hinting to wanting to take his own as well.
Dollar to doughnuts say that he won't bother mentioning it again for fear of having to take one as well...obviously something he doesn't want to do LOL Also the amount of attention, indirectly, this brings up at his home may open his parents eyes to his snotty ways.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
30 Jun 09
LOL that's a great idea, twoey68! Since he seems to have such a negative opinion about something as simple as carrying a lunch to school, I'm sure he won't want it pointed out to his mother! Thanks so much for the suggestions! 
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Well, I guess then that I'm "cheap" too. I prefer to call it frugal. 
My daughter also prefers to take her own lunch. Because of my income she could actually get lunch at a reduced rate. Actually, you are not being cheap, you are being smart. This little 14 yr old is not as smart as he would like others to think. Really smart people don't have to prove to the world how smart they are by putting other's down. It sounds as if he has some emotional issues going on. As for telling his mom....I probably would calm down first and then tell her what happened. I would want to know if my daughter treated someone so cruelly. Does she try to correct him on this sort of thing? How did she react when she got a note home from the teacher about his behavior? Some parents really do think their kids can do no wrong.
My daughter also prefers to take her own lunch. Because of my income she could actually get lunch at a reduced rate. Actually, you are not being cheap, you are being smart. This little 14 yr old is not as smart as he would like others to think. Really smart people don't have to prove to the world how smart they are by putting other's down. It sounds as if he has some emotional issues going on. As for telling his mom....I probably would calm down first and then tell her what happened. I would want to know if my daughter treated someone so cruelly. Does she try to correct him on this sort of thing? How did she react when she got a note home from the teacher about his behavior? Some parents really do think their kids can do no wrong.@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Actually, sid, she doesn't correct him. This much I do know so, I assume that even if I talked to her about it, nothing would change. When the teacher sent home the note about his behavior in math class, she blamed the teacher. She said it was her obligation to "make sure he wasn't bored." She saw nothing wrong with his rudeness toward the teacher, which is disrespect in my book, and all she told him was not to be so obvious when he's bored. Both our kids are in a gifted program (the boy is one year behind my daughter) and his mother thinks that, because these are academically advanced kids, that the teachers "owe them" more. I don't happen to agree with her so our conversations about school-related topics are often kept very top level, you know what I mean? Another reason why I thought it over before emailing her about the "cheap" issue. I'm pretty certain she'd hear what I had to say (and probably apologize on her son's behalf) but I really doubt anything would be done at the boy's level. So nothing would really be accomplished or changed.
And YAY for frugal! LOL I'm frugal too... by choice ;) Thanks for your thoughts on this :)
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
22 Mar 09
Ok for one thing, my dad taught gifted kids at one point. They do have kids that are so gifted that they actually could continue to move them up but the problem is that if they do that too much, they will be putting them in with an older group of kids and emotionally that is not always the best thing. Actually, I just posted on another topic that made me think of this....whenever one of my girls came home upset about what another kid said or did, I used it as an opportunity to show her just how not to be.....not to ever make another kid feel how she feels right now. It sounds as if this mom is not doing her son any favors at all. He may be "book" smart but he won't get far in life if people don't like him as a person. Sadly, he is the biggest victim here and he's only a child. 
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Mar 09
Better to leave the matter alone as it would be a tiff between you & your friend.Most of the mothers try to defend their wards.That guy may be headlong & rude but I think hez still a kid (or maybe not..lolz).Anyway ask your daughter to distance herself away from that guy.
Especially for you.hahahaha..I could not stop laughing when you said that the insult was on YOU.Why did you get that in your mind as it was just a kid (or maybe not..lolz...)who had made the comments.
Regarding our kids doing the thing the guy did.If at all I come to know that my kids are doing something like that the guy did I would first let them know whats good & whats not in a soft manner.Even then if they continued the bad things then I would let them know in a harder way.You cant leave the kids as they are.You can bend them when they are plants but not when they are trees.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
The reason I was insulted was because his specific comment was "your family is so cheap." Not "you", meaning my daughter, but her family... and since this boy knows me, I felt justified in being offended :) I found his wording highly disrespectful. However, I know his father too and I understand where the boy's disrespect comes from. His father puts down everyone in town -- he goes to town meetings, school board meetings, anywhere that he can stand up and criticize people and their ideas. I've never heard him agree with anyone. I imagine his son is absorbing that quite well by now. It's unfortunate :(
You're quite right, kurpesh... mothers WILL defend their children just like I considered defending mine ;) However, as long as she is doing a good job managing her contact with the boy, I won't intervene. She'll learn valuable skills that will help her in adulthood.
Thanks for your comments!
@krupesh (2608)
• India
21 Mar 09
That kid is following the footsteps of his father.You cant mend his ways.He defenitely will get support from his father as well.So better ask your daughter to learn how to manage that guy.To survive in this world you need to talk with tactness & wit.There is no substitute for that to survuive in this world eventhough you dont have money.SO ASK YOUR DAUGHTER TO HIT THAT GUY WITH HER TALKS.HELP YOUR DAUGHTER OUT.
Its not a direct insult on you when he swears by your family.That is just his way of talking.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Well, it is up to you, but in your Best interest I would find a way to bring it up in a Discussion not to get her Son in trouble, or make him look bad, but maybe to get the mother's opinion while mentioning your thoughts and how it does upset your kids by their comments as well. I know if you approach it right it should not be a thing to effect your friendship as well.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Absolutely, KrauseHome! I don't want to get the boy into additional trouble. I can really foresee him having a lot of problems with his peers and teachers, as he works his way through high school (he's currently in 8th grade), and I think his mother has her head in the sand. I know it's not right of me to say that but, she is so focused on the fact that he's the best math student in his grade, that she seems not to be bothered by any of his social behavior. I think you make a good case for it being all about using the right approach with her. We correspond more by email than we see one another in person so I'm thinking this is a conversation that would best wait and be had face to face.
@irisheyes (4370)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I think you probably should let the kids handle this one. It's hard I know, but your daughter could probably come up with a fast retort if she felt she had to. Maybe something to the effect of "If you want to eat processed, cafeteria food that's fine but if you were half as smart as you think you are, you'd look into eating healthier stuff". Whatever, kids can be very resourceful and she can probably do better than that. She just has to be on guard around this kid because he is really scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to find something wise alecky to say. If I were you, I definitely would not take it as an insult to you. Who knows, the junior grade jackass may even have a crush on your daughter. Kids like him are bully/cowards and they can never admit to a crush.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
She's done pretty well at deflecting his comments so far, irisheyes... or at least she's trying. He is very competitive with her. The "cheap" comment about her lunches was just rude... with his other comments, he is always trying to best her at something -- like I'm better at computer stuff than you are, how many awards have you won, blah blah blah. Typical kid competitiveness. She just seems to always be the target of it. I wouldn't be surprised if he picked her because, even though she will always have an answer back to him, she is no physical threat. If he tried the same thing with another boy, there'd probably be hell to pay in a physical way. I've thought about the crush thing, too LOL I mentioned it to her once and she just said NO THANK YOU!!!!!! And I'm still laughing about the "junior grade jackass" comment LOL Thanks for that, you made my day ;)
@crazyredhead (954)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I think it's awesome that you don't waste and you make their lunches environment friendly - even if unintentional. If they don't want to eat at school then they don't want to eat at school. I would let the kids duke it out but tell her that if he bothers her again to just tell him that she WANTS to eat healthy home-made lunches and not gross school lunches.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Thanks, crazyredhead :) When you see the overflowing trash cans in the cafeteria at lunch time (and even the mess kids leave outside or in the halls), it's incredibly hard to want to contribute to it, you know what I mean?
So far, she's handling him well, as far as I can tell in talking it over with her and she really DOES want to take her lunch so telling him that is being truthful :) Makes it easier on her in the long-run!
@dropofrain (1167)
• India
21 Mar 09
I tell you the kids these days are getting worse and worse. It is really difficult to handle them and teach them what is right and what is wrong. THey live in their own world wherein we can not even imagine. It is the impact of various television shows and the fighter games which these kids serve. I think we have to do something to avoid these situations.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Thanks for your comment! I think you've hit on part of the reason why I thought about talking it over with his mom, dropofrain. I try really hard to teach my kids right from wrong and the importance of respect... but, then, I realize everyone's perception of those things is different and I might not get very far with this particular mother. I've known her since we were kids ourselves and she's very mild in how she interacts with her kids. So, I probably wouldn't achieve much for the boy's benefit by telling her :(
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Fortunately, although they are both in the same gifted program, he is a year behind her. So, it doesn't impact on her actual education. I fully agree with you lynnemg that, if it did, I'd have to get involved. At this point, she only sees him outside of class, at lunch time, and at the bus stops/on the bus to and from school. He lives walking distance from our house.
@LCHBheart (167)
• Singapore
21 Mar 09
There is nothing wrong in being cheap. Thriftiness is what billionaires are made of. Most of the well-known self-made billionaires like Warren Buffet are known to be thrifty.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
You betcha, LCHBheart! Being thrifty is a positive attribute in my view :) All of our needs are met and there are little splurges now and again because everyone deserves something fun or nice once in awhile... but, overall, I manage money with a tight grip... and I'm very OK with that :)
@irishfury187 (375)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I wouldnt worry too much about it the boy will learn his lesson soon enough from his peers, I was in your daughters shoes in 6th grade, there was this kid that always had namebrand clothes and shoes, and here I am dressed up in cheap walmart clothes he used to always put down me and my family for being poor, well it turned out I wasnt the only one he was treating like garbage, he insulted somebodys clothes when they were having a bad day and he ended up leaving school crying with a black eye and bloody nose, when he came back from being suspended he was humiliated because everyone he treated badly was making fun of him for being beat up by someone smaller than him, the boy stopped putting down everybody because he knew what it was like to be put down and humiliated by his peers, if the boy you're talking about runs his mouth as much as this kid I'm sure it will have a similar turn out so dont let the boys words bother you he'll learn
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Excellent point, irishfury! I can definitely see this boy coming up against some "peer management." My daughter has told me that he rubs a LOT of kids the wrong way at school and we know kids won't let that go on forever, right? Problem is, I can see the boy getting really hurt. He's physically very small and, overall, he's really a meek kid. (hmmm.... maybe it makes him feel stronger to pick on a girl?) I can see what happened when you were in school happening to him, too. I thought that might be reason enough to talk over his behavior with his mother but, as I've mentioned in earlier comments, I don't honestly believe she'd tell him. I think she'd apologize FOR him but she doesn't really see anything wrong with his behavior, according to the conversations we've had in the past. I think you're right that his peers will settle it with him :\
@kimberlynnF (170)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I would let your daughter handle this one. You getting involved might not do anything but make it worse. Your daughter could say "because she loves me!" when he says "why do you bring your lunch".. or whatever. She might even come back with, "why do you ask?" or "are you jealous?" I think to embarrass the kid in front of the others might knock him down a peg. Then if he kept on I think I would confront the kid in front of the parents.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Actually, I think she told him "I'm not talking about this with you" *grin* She can be pretty direct if she really has to be... even though she's the type that doesn't like confrontation. She is really family oriented and when comments are made about her family, she does get her back up (like me, I guess!). I think she's doing a really good job handling him and I'm definitely going to let her continue... I'm also glad I took the time to think it over before contacting his mom. I mean you can't unring a bell, right?
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
12 Oct 09
Whether it's insulting to you or to your daughter (in this case it's both, I think!!) it's still an insult and uncalled for. I would have definitely have written a not-too-emotional e-mail to the mother. I would have kept it calm saying pretty much what i said here. I would have said that her son was out of line to tell her daughter that her family is cheap, and that the boy could learn a lot from a family who cares enough for the environment so as to use re-useable packaging, and from children who actually appreciate the food their mother makes for them (or that they may make themselves as I did when I was that age).
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Sounds like this boy is a trouble maker. I guess he would think I am cheap too because my daughters lunch is very similiar to yours.
I would just tell your daughter to try and ignore him. Obviously he has nothing better to do than be mean to other kids.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
20 Mar 09
LOL how about we call ourselves "frugal," sunshine? Works for me! *grin* Thanks for your feedback... she usually does ignore him. I think he just picked her because he's known us for a long time and it makes it easier and probably "safer" than picking on kids he doesn't know as well.
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Actually, find out how much it costs for a single meal eating at school and then add up how much you're paying per meal. Betcha your meal from home costs more than the school lunch, and is fantastically more nutritious.
Just let your daughter ask him how much his meal costs and let him answer. Then she can point out how much hers costs (if necessary, add in the bag cost), and how much better hers tastes than what he's eating. Then tell her to not say another word. No arguing about it. Just point it out and leave it.
Or not even bring up price. Just let her point out she gets to eat what SHE wants, not what the school hands her, and she'd rather have it that way. (My daughter hated school lunches too. They made her sick. But she refused to take a lunch with her. So she started doing odd jobs to make money so she could go out to eat during lunch, when she was old enough.) Kids are stubborn!
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
20 Mar 09
You know, I bet you're right snowcat! I never actually thought about the cost... I think I was too scalded about being called cheap! HA! But it's true... when you factor in the fresh veggies, fresh fruit, cheese and such that she takes every day, I'm sure I'd be saving money if she were eating at school.
There's only one school my kids ever attended where they wanted to eat the cafeteria meals. It was when we lived in a very rural community and the lunches were home-cooked meals through and through. Like real turkey or roast beef dinner with the fresh veggies and homemade soup, a glass of milk, a nice dessert... oh yes, all the meals were served on real dishes too... no disposable anything. They LOVED eating in that cafeteria but, otherwise, they prefer to carry lunch. I've always been happy about it too because, even though it's more work for me, I know what they take every day and, even if they don't eat it all, I know they are getting some nutrition.
And you are spot on... kids ARE stubborn! 
[b][/b]
[b][/b]1 person likes this
@abanerji (1026)
• India
20 Mar 09
hi! you are much more experienced, but somehow, i feel, you don't have to write a mail to you friend about he son's behaviour. the boy's misbehaviour and comments show his family background. it would be better if you ask your daughters to stay away from the boy. the girls must not lend their ears to the nasty cooments passed by the boys.
you must at the same time tell the girls that they must do what the family teaches them to. they must neither get lured by the riches of other students nor they must try to do things that others do.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
20 Mar 09
You're right, abanerji, and thanks for your thoughts! Children's behavior is a reflection of their upbringing, most certainly. Funny this is, my daughter doesn't really even want to be around this boy. He's the one that always comes after her. I told her once, jokingly, "maybe he likes you" and she just rolled her eyes. I'd say that means she wouldn't be interested
