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Does "changing yourself" for somebody ever work? email this discussion to a friend?

myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships3 months ago

I'm not talking about changing a few bad habits or learning to communicate better or being nicer, superficial behavioral changes. I'm talking about changing the way you really are deep down inside. There's something fundamental to each one of us as a person, and I don't believe that you can change what that is. I'd go farther and say that if you try to and if you live and act as if you are something you are not to please somebody else, you are going to end up being unhappy, stressed and it will affect your health and well being. Does anybody really believe that you can change what makes you you?

 
 
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tags:  change, life, self, changing, yourself
 
1. myLot reputation of 78/100. missliss08 (170)   ranked 17,797 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

I think we all have little habits we can change, to make each other happier. However if someone is willing to ask you to completely change everything about you, for them, then it won't work. First of all I think it is disrespectful, and they will just think of you as a pushover. Just my opinion though.


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

Not only is it disrespectful, it's impossible. You can't change everything that you are.


TheChocolateTear (20)   ranked 18,368 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

i thnk dat we shud change our habits a lil bt we shud nt be who v are nt nd can nver be. . .smetimes ppl like u da way u are bt we jst dnt get it sooo doo change ur habits bt nt ur own nature,personality.remember who u are.chaoi!do ur stuff

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2. myLot reputation of 94/100. doormouse (1153)   ranked 5,921 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

i think people can change,but you have to do it for yourself,changing for someone else never works


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

You can change many things, your behavior, your values, how you communicate. But I don't think you can change what makes you you.


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

PS and you're right, you have to want to.

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3. myLot reputation of 60/100. nextellady (118)   ranked 8,808 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

I dont think it will work, really your not changing just pretending. And you cant pretend for ever and your right, you have to consider stress and health issues it could cause


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

Exactly, you're pretending.


myLot reputation of 78/100. mysdianait (12291)   ranked 3,369 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

... and when you live a life of pretence eventually you explode doh


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

I think so too. Or get awfully depressed...


TheChocolateTear (20)   ranked 18,368 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

lady~!u r sooooo rite being sm1 u r nt works very very very less nd u r jst PRETENDNG!ND ALSO V CNT B WHT V R NT OUR WHOLE LIVES.IT CAUSES SUCH A STRESS ND FRUSTRATION.SO B WHT U R


myLot reputation of 96/100. vandana7 (1802)   ranked 2,814 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

mysdianait said it perfectly. Can't add to that.:)

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4. myLot reputation of 91/100. dumblnddzzy (10307)   ranked 1,265 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

NO I do not believe one can 'change' the real 'you'... You are 'you ' from birth on into adulthood & beyond that even... You are 'mapped' if you will, to who & what you are.. Yes i belive that if you try & CHANGE who you really are, you will be a very unhappy person, inside & out. Lori


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

thumbup
Now if only I could get that through my crazy friend's head. lol

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5. myLot reputation of 95/100. cobrateacher (4271)   ranked 881 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

Hi, D!
I couldn't agree more. Trying to change someone is a sign of rejecting whoever that person is! It can also be an inroad to psychological abuse. It just won't work!


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

Yep, the person has to want to change. And even then, there are just some things that make each of us unique that I believe aren't changeable.

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6. myLot reputation of 80/100. max1950 (1429)   ranked 5,784 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

if you mean changing yourself to be a better person inside that has to be done by and for the individual them self and THEY and only they have to want it. Changing for someone else i dont think would work unless the person deep down inside wants to. did i explain that right? well i know what i mean anyway.


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

Not so much changing to be a better person. That's just a matter of following through on what you know to be right. I mean changing what makes you you. Like if you're really extroverted and love talking to people and you're with somebody who wants you to be more shy. That's asking you to be something that you are not.

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7. myLot reputation of 94/100. yuna15 (1127)   ranked 5,824 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

It may be possible ideally but something significant should happen to your life that could make you change who you are. In reality though, what makes you YOU is what defines you and nothing could ever change it. So I totally agree with you when you said it affects your health and well being. happy


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

I think you can change how you behave and how you react to things, events can cause that or you can just decide to do it, but what really makes you you, nope.

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8. myLot reputation of 80/100. Lcrkar05 (151)   ranked 17,779 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

I think you have to want to change for yourself. Sometimes is for the better and sometimes people do it for the wrong reasons.


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

You do have to want to, but I think there are some things about ourselves that we just can't change.

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9. myLot reputation of 62/100. just4you0 (286)   ranked 14,078 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

i think its really difficult to change yourself as i have tried it practically but i cant tell how i failed to do that . its good idea to remain whatever you are because everyone is unique in this world.


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

Unless who you are is something really bad. But seriously, you can change bad behaviors if you want to, but some facets of a person can't be changed.

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10. myLot reputation of 93/100. caroll30 (1103)   ranked 6,237 out of 23,392 in relationships   3 months ago

No you cannot change you. Plain and simple we are who we are. We may be able to think a different way but if you truly believe something thats just the way it is nobody can change it. And dawnald I sure hope you keep on being you!!


myLot reputation of 95/100. dawnald (10346)   ranked 39 out of 23,392 in relationships  3 months ago

I shall continue to stay myself.:-)
I was actually writing this about a friend.

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