Does it really work with Step Children, especially if you are the non -resident,

I don't have any children step or otherwise. I can imagine how hard it would be to be a step-mother. I lived with a guy once that got his kids every other weekend and it was hell when they were here. Your right the father feels guilty and wants to show the kids he loves them and they can take advantage of the situation. It would probably be harder if the kids were with you all the time. I don't think step-parents have many rights in the US either. I would think no matter how good your marriage is kids would put a strain on it. The only thing the step-parent can do is prey that they grow up quick.

I have a daughter of my own also and my husband also has three children of his own too. His children never did give me a chance or accept me and they have now cut all ties with their father, my husband, also. My daughter loves my husband like a real father though.

Being a second parent is really a challenge. Co parenting with your sister or brother for one reason or another, is also a challenge. I agree, these pseudo parents are disenfranchised. They also have the wicked step parent image to live with, and live down. It does not help second marriages succeed.

Believe me , I know how you feel, I went through the same thing, I raised two stepchildren, and it was like running the 'guantlet' if you are familiar with that event! It's true, second marriages are super hard to make it through, and I can see where many marriages can fail because of the stresses of stepchildren! But I was lucky, because at the end of my marriage I had two wonderful stepchildren, that i love very much, and they have a lot of respect for me, and love me just like they do their real Dad ! But I did raise them from the time they were 2 and 4 yrs old. And we are not even from the same race! My marriage ended, but it had nothing to do with the stepchildren, there were other issues that had a helping hand! I guess all you can say is , what happens , happens, and you just have to make the best of it! ps- jennybianca, thank you for the best response you gave me on that other post !

Step Mother? I am one of those chicks too. I am the worlds meanest woman so no one not even my step children would dare to make me feel bad. I am also the most loving woman when my children are well behaved. I believe in a relationship you need to tell them you dont need to be treated like this and if it continues you will not be happy. I made sure they understood, and I made sure he understood that I dont take stuff from my children and I would not take it from anyone elses. Now I have a loving step family, we enjoy each others time and are considerate of each other and I love them as my own. Now I am really happy that they have come into my life and I could not imagine it without them. However it took me putting my foot down to get it that way.

hi jennybianca yes I can see where you are coming from but cannot help much as I am a senior citizen who was married to one man all her life much to the amazement of everyone I talk to, and have never been divorced etx. But I can understand how it would be and the media does not make it any easier with all the stuff About mean and wicked stepmothers, kids can pick up on all that stuff too.My opinion is that second husbands and step kids should treat their step mothers with respect and kindness not with meanness and bad manners. hope this helps.

Stepmothers are often viewed as wicked witch by stepchildren in many fairy tales stories but in reality stepmothers are the most misunderstood mothers of all mothers. They should be given the chance to prove their worthiness in giving and receiving love from both sides. I think most divorced men when entering into new relationships should have carefully chosen women who can accept them with extra luggage and who can be alternative mothers to their kids. It is no longer the stepmothers who are wicked but stepchildren has become the barrier in most relationships. They can either make or break a relationship. It is tough to be on a second marriage with men carrying extra load. It needs extra efforts to please everyone (husband and stepchildren) to earn permanency in a second marriage.

I agree...it is a thankless job and very difficult...maybe impossible. I was in that spot years ago and would never go back to it.

My current hubby of 15 yrs has 3 children by 2 different mothers. I have 2 girls of my own. So, for the 2 girls, 1 from each mother, I was and still am, a non-resident Step Mom. The oldest girl, I can communicate with, no problems and we get along as she is a fairly reasonable person. Her brother, however, came to live with us when he was 11 yrs old and left (in handcuffs) when he was 15 yrs old. He was a handfull, apparently like his father, with behaviour problems. I welcomed him into my home with open arms, thinking of him as the son I always wanted, but never had. So, I tried to give him every opportunity to excell in life. All he did was take my focus from my 2 biological children, onto him, just to be the centre of attention. He was always in trouble, with the school, neighbours and police. The thanks I got for doing all I could to be a parent to him, as best I could, was that he assaulted me for trying to take his Nintendo out of his room for punishment for stealing from me, yet again. The youngest daughter of his, was this woman's 2nd attempt at being a failed mother as her first son ended up being raised by his grandmother (her Mom). So, she decides that she wants a girl this time and tries and gets one and screws that up, too. At 15 she moved out, and lived with her step-sister, my hubby's oldest, because she is the stable one of all of them. We used to have the youngest come to visit us when she was only 3 yrs old and it was a joy to have her around. She got along great with all of the other kids, mine and his. But the mother, wanted a babysitter more often than we could accomodate and took her visits from us. She was visiting every 3 weeks, for the weekend, and she wanted us to take her every other weekend. When we refused because we were unable to accomodate it for sure all the time, she went to court, my husband made a deal with her that he wouldn't visit with her if he didn't have to pay support. We have barely seen her since, but for a few times with her older step-sister. She is now 18 yrs old.

Hello, Jenny. I've had the reverse role, where my kids stayed with their father and had it indoctrinated that my second husband was lower down the pond life scale than Herod, Hitler or the worst serial killers. My eldest son was working away from home when we split, so he missed all the stuff about Tony breaking up a happy marriage, etc., and was the only one of my 3 who accepted the change straight away. The truth was, of course, nothing like that. It takes two to make or break a marriage, and it's very rarely that one person is solely responsible. Tony's kids were older, but they had their own children, so there was a bit of a war going on about who was the best parent/grandparent, who was to blame for the break up, who was the most important, and all the rest of the crap. I was cast in the role of wicked stepmother/ grandmother, until my second husband's daughter broke up with her husband and received the same treatment from his children. Then I morphed from wicked stepmother and marriage wrecker (which I wasn't) to misunderstood, loveable human being (which I hope I was). I could have made mileage out of it and got very bitter and twisted, but I decided to just embrace the change and get on with it. Now, 15 years down the line, everyone gets on really well together. I think they all came to realise in the long run that their parents/grandparents were much happier now than they had been for years, and that anyone who made their loved ones so happy couldn't be all bad.