happily married, should one feel sad that others do not have that?

Hello sweetie. I dont think its wrong to feel happy about your past. My mom tell me a lot of times, we made our bed, we have to sleep on it. A lot of women have extremely hard lives, but it makes them stronger, as sad as that may sound. Happiness will eventually come their way. Miss ya.

no, it's nothing to feel bad about. you would feel even worse if you were in one of those miserable relationships your self. i say be happy that you were blessed to be in a good marriage. it's okay to sympathize for others though.

Hey Hatley... You are so kind dear... You've been thinking 10 steps ahead of others. Not everyone does that! No, you are wrong in feeling good about your past. If your past has been happy and fulfilled then consider it as your earning. You made your life happy dear. When I say you made it, I mean it is something that you could do, which others like me are not able to do... People like me end up alone, unhappy and forgotten... But you are special Hatley... You made it better for yourself, and you should be proud of it... Take care....

You are absolutely right in feeling happy about your marriage Hatley.In this world there are all sorts of people with all sorts of problems. You had a happy married life but as you yourself pointed out here were trials also. Finally there is an element of "making' our married lives happy too; now this takes a lot of cooperation and understanding. Not all couples are blessed with this. We [more so you] belong to an age where you worked at your marriage. Tolerance is on the wane these days. People choose to be that way and everyone wants everything one’s own way; then why get married at all? In genuine cases of misery caused by brutal behavior and drunken irresponsibility it is better to leave a person. There is no point staying and feeling miserable. Coming back to your question, you need not feel bad at all. You have been facing a lot and are in a retirement center now; is that not trouble? You are entitled to your share of happiness by dwelling in the past irrespective of who does what. I, however agree that we do feel bad when others are miserable. But, there is no need to feel guilty; we can only pray sincerely for them.

Oh, heck no, Hatley! You have every right to enjoy and talk about the wonderful memories you have of your marriage. I'm in the middle of hell right now in my marriage but it does me good to hear about how wonderful yours was. It gives me hope, you know? I was raised with the same beliefs as you, especially about unconditional love. Unfortunately, I have not found the same and have been fooled more than once. This time, it's with a narcissistic sociopath with borderline personality disorder. The more I read about these issues, the more he fits the description. I've been at an unprecedented low point in my life recently and just don't know where to turn but have been lucky enough to have found a support group online for partners of narcissistic people with borderline personality disorder. I JUST signed up so I'll have to spend some time there to see if it helps any. Still, even though I've been unable to meet a "good" man who was available and who could love me, I'm extremely happy for you and everyone else who is fortunate enough to have found a loving, thoughtful mate.

Hatley sweetie..happy mother's day. Your happiness is from within. Your wants were limited. We are happy when we are fulfilled in some way. Perhaps you feared you would never find a person who would accept you after your past so your satisfaction was great at being accepted and you found it easier to compromise on issues which others find it tough because they are not receiving much in the relationship? Everybody has their reasons to be happy and unhappy. The ability, however, is within us. I can choose to be unhappy over whatever happened in my past, or I can choose to paint or watch movies or teach kids or myLot. It is up to me to identify which of my feelings create unhappiness for me and which do not. If it is envy that makes me unhappy then I need to curb that. If it is self pity that makes me unhappy then I need to control that. If it is anger that causes me unhappiness then I need to control that. All these are my emotions. What others do cannot harm me unless I let them.

Absolutely not!!! You should be blessed to have had a good marriage, because today that is something that is rare. You know the problems I am having, and though I am not as happy, I really do love hearing about your relationship, because it gives me hope that it can still happen for me..

No, you shouldn't feel guilty for being happy with what you had. And, others should learn to live their lives whether or not they're married. Being married isn't a cure-all for loneliness or sadness. You have to find that within yourself, with or without someone else. Personally, I think women should learn to love their own company above all else. There are no guarantees that we will all be married or, if we do, that we will stay married. We'd better be prepared to be alone for at least a portion of our lives and still be content. I'm happier now that I am divorced than I ever was before or after being married. Some of that is simply maturity, but that's maybe what some people need to have first. I almost wish I'd matured sooner. I do envy those who have had happy marital lives, but I'm not jealous and I don't wish to ever try again. I think those who manage to have that kind of life are very fortunate and blessed.

More living than loved? What does that mean? I always made bad choices where men were concerns. Tried four times and none were worth keeping. Infact I never really married for keeps. It was to learn something from them. I would learn and move on. Truly. It took me a while to learn this about myself.

Hi hatley... It is your life and there is nothing wrong in enjoying it according to your wish. We need to think about others(as we should not be so self-centered) but there should be a limit. I mean should not make our own life more miserable than others thinking that they have a miserable life. have a nice time,.

There is no reason that you should feel anything but happy. You are one of few, well maybe many, that has had the pleasure of being in a happy marriage. Yes, some women and men are miserable in their marriage/relationship, but they know what needs to be done. I hate to say it but I have seen some marriages where the couples like to make the other miserable. So keep on being happy :)

I am happy for you and for all those cherished memories. Well mine is still an ongoing process and it's still going strong but not without sacrifices from both of us to make it work, yes the children are a big part of it too.

No one's life looks like the others' life. So that when you can be happy with you marriage life, just enjoy it. We don't know what will happens in the future. The others women could be happy when did married in the beginning time but with the time, their marriage life becomes disaster...What should we do in these cases? we can do nothing, God will bless us all...

I dont think its wrong for you to feel good, i think its great that you to have such a good relationship they you can help each other through everything and stay strong together.

Hi ms.hatley, Your so lucky to have a good marriage, there's nothing for you to feel sad about others who don't have a happy marriage or happy relationship with their partner. I choose to have a life like this i have two men in my life one, the father of Ann which is where i been married, and the father of my youngest where i also left after 15 years of being martyr. It teaches me to be strong and be a fighter. But still im too envy when i saw families that are bond together, husband and wife that walking together. It really hurts me inside, i know someday my question will be answer, i still don't know yet the answer for why i have to be unlucky that i don't have a good partner in life.

You're not wrong at all. You should thank God that you were blessed with a happy marriage to a man who loved you. A lot of us pick the wrong men, have unhappy marriages, divorce then pick another wrong one. I'm like that, I always fell in love with the wrong person for me. So I'm not doing it anymore because I don't like to be miserable. I think that a lot of us would be happier if we just knew when to give up on "love". I'm always happy to see couples that love each other, we need more of that in this world.

Hatley, you could never be wrong in being happy for a successful marriage. Recognise that you were lucky to find the man you could be happy with, perhaps, but never wrong to be happy. I love to hear you talk about your husband and your married life. It gives me something to aspire to. Perhaps others are not so lucky, and are miserable or dissatisfied with their relationships. I'm very sorry for them. All of us go through patches in relationships which are not so hot, but I think you come from a generation where working on them would come before giving up.

No, I don't think that you are wrong at all for being happy with your relationship that you were lucky enough to have with your husband. In my marriage, I will willingly admit that I've been happy for the most part, but I am going through a really rough patch right now and there are times that I feel like just giving up. However, I also know that I want to work on things that have gone astray because I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I want it to work. Eventually, I think I'll be able to look at this time in my relationship as just being a huge bump in the road that we were able to overcome.

Hi Hatley! You should definitely feel happy and fortunate for your past!! I feel I am in the same boat as you. My hubby and I have been together since our late teens - we've grown and developed this strong relationship throughout the years. Sure we had/have our ups and downs like everyone else, but we've always worked things out together - as couples, I thought, were supposed to do. We didn't get married til about 15 years into our relationship - not because we weren't sure - more because it made it "official" so things weren't in question when we started a family. Two kids later, we are still very happy - what can I say. At the same time I think it's ok to sympathize with others who are not so happy nor fortunate. Besides the ones I read about in the discussions on myLot, I have personal friends who are in so-so marriages and relationships (or lack of it). I feel bad for such friends - and I really do. Hearing the history of the problems, I can often see where these problems stemmed from and possibly how it can be resolved . . . but I can only say so much. The fixing, if it's possible, is totally up to the couple - it's their issue and their marriage. One friend put it this way. She heard enough of our mutual friend's blah blah blah complaints about the lack of happiness in her life . . . she said it was almost as if she was making us feel GUILTY for the happiness that we have in our lives. And should we feel guilty? Of course not. It's not that we're just "lucky" to have what we have . . . it's like you said - we WORK to keep a marriage happy and alive. I'm darn proud of it - and you should feel proud too!!

I don't think you are wrong and there is not a bit of feeling in which rejoice at others' misfortune in your discussion.I have read your discussions about your happy marriage many times.You were husband and wife that have gone through difficult times together.The topic of the marriage automatically takes your thoughts back to the days where you loved each other.Some have unhappy marriage,but they bottle it up .Maybe they are concerned about face saving or think domestic shame shouldn't be made public.