12/23/24 - Update On My Husband
By LindaOH
@LindaOHio (222417)
United States
December 23, 2024 12:51am CST
When we got to the facility we found my husband dressed and sitting in a wheelchair by the nurse's station. His roommate said that was the first time in a week that he's been out of bed. That doesn't make me happy at all. I asked my hubby when he got his last shower. I think it's been a while. I need to call the social worker again today to see if she's found out about physical therapy and to see what their policy is regarding getting residents dressed and out of bed.
His roommate seems nice. He's only 45. He does snore really loud; but he should be fine.
There are no room phones in long term care. I brought my husband his cell phone. He seems to have lost several of his possessions in the move. His flashlight, phone number card, scissors, some of his pop and a lot of his candy are gone. That's just what I could tell from a quick inspection.
He is still really out of it. He's hallucinating and gets angry quickly. He said he didn't eat much the last week. He looks so thin and frail. Nothing like the husband I had back in February.
Thank you for your continued prayers, support and thoughts.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
21 people like this
18 responses
@NJChicaa (127152)
• United States
23 Dec 24
I would contact the state and county to try to find a senior advocate. I know you can't visit every day to check on him but there are people who can. . . even if it is a few times a week. Someone needs to be checking on him regularly. He can't advocate for himself and doesn't understand what is going on.
6 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
23 Dec 24
I can call the Ombudsman. I got an immediate response when I called the last time.
7 people like this
@FourWalls (86713)
• United States
23 Dec 24
@LindaOHio — what Jill said. The ombudsman, in the end, works for the company.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169479)
• United States
24 Dec 24
@FourWalls No. The ombudsman is a volunteer, and is impartial. They are an advocate. I had the spouse of one of my residents who passed took the training and became an ombudsman in our region. The company has "social workers" that work for them, and marketing people, who may be called other things, but still are marketing the place.
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (56281)
• Canada
23 Dec 24
You know, they may have kept his scissors from him when they moved him as a safety measure.
If he has dementia sharps like that are not safe in his room not just for his own safety but for the staff and if other residents wander in and find them.
I hope that he can be assessed by a doctor as those hallucinations could be part of the diagnosis or due to medications interacting negatively in his system, he could have intolerances to something he is on. I think that this could be causing him to not eat, and obviously him sitting at the nursing station as he was, is indicative that the staff are keeping a close eye on him.
You and he are fortunate that he has such a young roommate. He could help you fill in the gaps when your husband cannot or does not communicate with you.
5 people like this
@GardenGerty (169479)
• United States
24 Dec 24
I had similar thoughts about the scissors. You are right both about the room mate and about the fact that he is near the nurses station.
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (56281)
• Canada
24 Dec 24
@GardenGerty I think that the roommate, provided he isn't stretching the truth to Linda, may be the best thing that has happened in quite a while. And if he isn't communicating and having a bad day during a visit it would lighten her spirits if the roommate quietly visited with her.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
I thought about the scissor thing too; but there was a lot of other stuff missing too.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
23 Dec 24
He needs to see several doctors. They provide transport. It costs $280 for each appointment.
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (174498)
• United States
23 Dec 24
Write your hubby's name on the new phone in permanent marker. That way nobody can claim they "didn't see" his name on it and it's less likely to be stolen if the name can't be easily removed. (It will reduce the price of resale if you ever upgrade his phone but that's a small price for keeping it safe(r) and, hopefully, with him where it belongs.)
Everything he owns should have his name in permanent marker.
3 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
He lost the phone in the bed sheets and it got washed in the laundry. It's a basic flip phone.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (59231)
•
23 Dec 24
If you can, write his name on a stick on tag and put it on his phone. Or ask someone at the nurses station to do it for you. When people are delusional and have hallucinations, often their belongings get tossed,lost,or they throw them when they are angry. It may save you the cost of another phone.
I’m sorry he is not doing well. I know it’s very difficult to see him so weak and fragile.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (169479)
• United States
24 Dec 24
@MarieCoyle Even things like dentures need to be marked. Where I worked they used an engraving type tool on dentures.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (59231)
•
23 Dec 24
@LindaOHio
I hope it helps if it gets misplaced. My friend is a nurse in a nursing home not far from me, she says they ask the families to do that because so many residents set their phones down and forget where they put them.
You’re more than welcome.
3 people like this
@Beestring (15372)
• Hong Kong
23 Dec 24
He needs someone to check on him regularly. It appears that he cannot take care of himself.
3 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
23 Dec 24
His roommate is telling us what is going on.
5 people like this
@GardenGerty (169479)
• United States
24 Dec 24
In general they try to get people up and dressed, BUT the residents have the right to refuse. I am sure he is confused. Most places want at least two showers or baths a week, BUT the residents have the right to refuse that. They can also request more. I am not sure what to say about the pop and candy but the other non consumable things should have his name on them and should have followed him.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
I unfortunately think that my husband doesn't care if he gets dressed and gets up.
@BarBaraPrz (51823)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
23 Dec 24
When you said he was up and dressed, I thought it was a good thing, but no? Did he dress himself or did he get help?
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
He has to have help to get dressed and into a wheelchair. That's a good thing.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
Unfortunately that's the case at a lot of those places.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (74987)
• United States
24 Dec 24
@LindaOHio yes it is I didn’t like the one I worked at
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (208957)
• United States
23 Dec 24
I hope you can get some answers about hubby. It has to be so frustrating and heart breaking.
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (208957)
• United States
24 Dec 24
@LindaOHio That happens so often wit older people. They ave an incident and it is the start of a big decline.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
If you could have seen him in February as compared to now, you wouldn't recognize him.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
@snowy22315 Unfortunately that's the case.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (84813)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
23 Dec 24
Part of that's to be expected. He's been in a hospital or hospital-like setting for nearly a year. Except for a short not even twenty-four hour stent where he fell. And, if he's not being given a shower at least once or twice a week, then residents are being neglected and you need to consider somewhere else, or get him on palative care or something so that you can get him home.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (84813)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Dec 24
@LindaOHio Twice a week is fine, unless he's one of those who can't use the restroom and frequently sols himself. But, I'd talk to his roomate and find out if he's even asking to get up out of bed. Because if he's not, staff will usually leave you alone unless you need meds or to be cleaned.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
Found out he gets showered on Tuesday and Saturday.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
25 Dec 24
@kaylachan He's probably not asking to get up and get dressed. He seems to be fine with just lying in bed all day. I'm going to talk to him about that.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (54715)
• United States
23 Dec 24
I’m sorry that he’s not doing better.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (135791)
• Marion, Ohio
23 Dec 24
That doesn't sound like a good place. Hope you can get him in a different one
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
The place that he likes and that is really good won't accept long term residents.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
Yeah, I need to find out what he's doing there.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
25 Dec 24
@porwest I'm guessing short term; but I don't know since he's in long term care.
1 person likes this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
24 Dec 24
@LindaOHio Is he there for long term care or just something short term? I guess, you wouldn't know since you haven't asked him yet, so my questions are just dumb ones. lol
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
25 Dec 24
Yes, I need to find out why he's in long term care. Merry Christmas!
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86713)
• United States
23 Dec 24
I hurt so badly for you. For his roommate, too: what’s a 45-year-old doing in a nursing home. 
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
I don't know. I need to find that out.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (98033)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
23 Dec 24
I wish the very best for him but I see that he really needs constant care, What does the doctor say about his altered state? I keep praying, Many blessings to you both,
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
24 Dec 24
Thank you. He needs to see a doctor about his confusion.
1 person likes this
