Relationship

Bird

@jstory07 (148019)

Roseburg, Oregon

January 30, 2026 9:54pm CST

My twenty year old friend that used to live next door came over to ask me for advise on relationships. This is what she told me. Her boyfriend asked her to marry him. Than he took her to the jewelry store to pick out a ring. When she picked out one he told her to pay for it. She did not pay for it. That seemed wrong to her. When they left the jewelry store she asked him why he wanted her to pay for the ring. He told her it would be her ring why would he pay for it. She said that sent up red flags maybe she was with the wrong guy. So she told him she did not want to go out with him anymore. So she asked me what makes a good relationship. This is what I told he: I told her both people in a relationship want to feel safe. Both need to feel that the other one wants what they want and they both get along with each other. Each one understands what the other wants and they both work together to have what they both want. I did not know what to tell her. I hope I told her the right things.

22 people like this

22 responses

@LindaOHio (217402)

• United States

31 Jan

That was good advice. I would kick that guy to the curb as well. I would rather have him tell me that he couldn't afford the ring then tell me to pay for it!!!

7 people like this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

No ring would be better than telling her to pay for it.

1 person likes this

@JudyEv (375609)

• Rockingham, Australia

31 Jan

I think you did very well and I think she was very lucky to get out of her last situation.

5 people like this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

It sounds like she would be supporting him.

1 person likes this

@JudyEv (375609)

• Rockingham, Australia

1 Feb

@jstory07 Yes, that was my thought too.

@GardenGerty (168224)

• United States

31 Jan

It sounds good to me, Judy. I also think she was pretty smart to see those red flags.

3 people like this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

Yes she was. Better for her to make it on her own.

1 person likes this

@DaddyEvil (170602)

• United States

31 Jan

I'm glad she dumped him! He was a first class loser! Telling her to pay for the ring wasn't right. He should have helped pay for it, too. I wouldn't have a problem if he had suggested they split the cost of the ring but a lot of people won't agree with that thinking, either. But, feeling safe in a relationship still means not spending money you don't have and expecting the other person to help pay for things you both want. When my first wife wanted rings (one for each of us) I didn't see a problem with splitting the costs between us. They were our rings so she should pay half the cost. (My first wife had a good job, too.) Back when our parents were getting married, only the man worked so he had to pay for everything. Now, both work so the money should come from both of them for things they both want.

2 people like this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

My husband and I shared the cost of everything when we both worked. Now since we are retired we do the same thing.

2 people like this

@DaddyEvil (170602)

• United States

31 Jan

@jstory07 I've always paid for everything since Pretty was my kid... Now, she's paying for everything since she's my kid.

(She earns her money by helping me when I can't see. Medicaid pays her.)

1 person likes this

Lenore Plassman

@sallypup (68500)

• Centralia, Washington

31 Jan

Deep respect and need to work as a team: that will help keep a couple together. If there is discord, the need to think of the other's feelings and way of seeing things will smooth the path. Can you laugh and share silly moments and can you pick up the other's pain if it comes to that? The attitude of the man bothers me more than who paid for the ring. He didn't discuss the money issue. He just popped it on her.

2 people like this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

I think she did the right thing to break up with him but I did not want to tell her that. I just told her what I though makes a good relationship/

1 person likes this

Lenore Plassman

@sallypup (68500)

• Centralia, Washington

31 Jan

@jstory07 That was a kind thing to do.

1 person likes this

@sol_cee (38532)

• Philippines

31 Jan

That guy sounds off. Asking her to pay for her own ring? Huge red flag.

3 people like this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

I was glad she caught on before she said yes to marry him.

@BarBaraPrz (51543)

• St. Catharines, Ontario

31 Jan

I think you did.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

I did not want to judge him since I do not know him.

1 person likes this

@xstitcher (38375)

• Petaluma, California

1 Feb

I've never heard of a guy wanting the gal to pay for a wedding (or engagement) ring.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

2 Feb

Me either that is just wrong.

@LadyDuck (496620)

• Italy

31 Jan

She was right not to want to go out with him anymore. This guy seems a selfish and arrogant guy who risks to make her wife work and do nothing all the day long.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

I think she would have supported him.

1 person likes this

@LadyDuck (496620)

• Italy

1 Feb

@jstory07 - And her life would have been a nightmare.

@RasmaSandra (95743)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

1 Feb

She is definitely not in the right relationship, I hope that guy leaves her alone, A relationship is feeling close to someone and being able to communicate even without words,

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

1 Feb

Her Dad will have a talk with him if he brothers her again.

1 person likes this

@DianneN (252269)

• United States

31 Jan

He sounds like an ignorant jerk. I’d take him to take a hike, too. You gave her good advice.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

He did not seem like the kind of guy to marry. She would have to support him.

1 person likes this

@DianneN (252269)

• United States

31 Jan

@jstory07 Big ugh in my book! That’s no kind of life or marriage.

1 person likes this

@dgobucks226 (37583)

•

31 Jan

Sound advice and there was definitely some read flags there for sure.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

Yes there was and I was glad she figured it out.

1 person likes this

@misunderstood_zombie (8765)

• United States

9 Feb

Good advice? She should tread carefully with this guy.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

10 Feb

She broke up with him.

@valherma00 (1689)

• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)

31 Jan

you told her everything so clear.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

1 Feb

I hope so she is so sweet .

1 person likes this

@valherma00 (1689)

• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)

7 Feb

@jstory07 i'm glad you're friends with her

@AmbiePam (116251)

• United States

31 Jan

I would have dumped him too.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

Yes she did the right thing.

1 person likes this

@snowy22315 (205172)

• United States

31 Jan

pay for her own ring..

.Loser glad she got rid of him.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

I wanted to say that to her but I wanted to stay away from that and give her some advise.

2 people like this

@crossbones27 (52428)

• Mojave, California

31 Jan

Once it becomes about money , relationship is lossed, does not matter who is supposed to pay for it or how is supposed to be for the gentlemen or lady. You are neither if you make it about money and a set of rules. You should have not tried to get married in the first place if that is what all was to you in the first place.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

It should be about love and being right for each other.

1 person likes this

@wolfgirl569 (131814)

• Marion, Ohio

31 Jan

You did good. And she did good getting rid of him

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

Yes she seems to be happy about it.

1 person likes this

@Traceyjayne (9343)

• United Kingdom

31 Jan

Good advice I think. Certainly a huge red flag if he expected her to buy her ring.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

Yes a big red flag.

@Shiva49 (28056)

• Singapore

31 Jan

Some are weird. Her boyfriend was silly to behave like that as it hurts. I have been married for long. We have a basic understanding about our priorities. The rest are mere details how to achieve them. It is "give and take", but not one giving and the other taking as it happens with a few couples, sadly.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (148019)

• Roseburg, Oregon

31 Jan

It is all about give and take.

1 person likes this