A decision that cuts from both ends

@ronaldinu (12454)
Malta
January 16, 2009 3:28am CST
Have you ever been in a situation where whatever you decide you are afraid that you might offend your friends? Well we are going abroad as a family. Our friends wants us to stay at their home. I have already stayed there several years ago. That would save us a lot of money on lodging. They are really hospitable. However being three of us we do not want to impose on them. On the other hand if we decide to go to a hotel they might be offended. What would you do?
11 people like this
56 responses
• India
18 Jan 09
If you are really close to your friends and they want you to stay with them, why not accept their invitation? You can always give them a gift or something for putting up with you. :) Cheers and happy Mylotting
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
18 Jan 09
I think many times it's good to stay with the friends if they already have offered for you to stay. They must not feel put out or they would say,"well if it makes you feel better then okay maybe we can help find a hotel...if that's what you'd rather do". Or something like that. Being at others homes put me in an awkward position as I have to get up many times to go to the bathroom at night or I'm awake much of the night, so staying at a hotle would be better for me and them so I don't desturb their nights sleep and I feel better that no one is put out by my odd nightly rituals. If it's really no bother to stay at the hotel then I do. There are times when you may not want to be with the people there all of the time and have a place to go if you wish to be alone or just do your own thing. If you can't afford the hotel and your friends or family really seem to not have a problem with you staying there then stay with them. I know some people that will offer to pay for the hotel when having out of area company. I will do this as I think they are more comfortable to do this sometimes.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10903)
16 Jan 09
I think this happens to many people in life. When I was younger I was a professional musician. I had started a small rock band with several friends, and whilst we were doing alright with gigs, we weren't making a fortune. One day, I get an opportunity to join another pro. band about 200 miles away from home and the money was twice as good, yet I was having to let my friends down. I talked to them all, some were understanding and some were not. But in the end, it was my career on the line here, so I took the new job. :-) Derek
1 person likes this
@missybear (11396)
• United States
16 Jan 09
Why don't you stay with them for a couple days and then get a room for the rest of the time. That way you get to visit with them and then you get a room and have some privacy.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
16 Jan 09
If it was me, I'd tell them outright that you are worried about imposing on them since there are three of you. Offer to stay in a hotel so that their not inconvenienced...basically leave it up to them to decide whether they want all of you staying there. You might also split the time in half...spend the first few days with them and then spend the second part of the visit at a hotel...you'd still save some money and they wouldn't have you the whole time. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4437)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I would tell them that you would love to stay with them but because there is a large number of you that you do not want to impose on them. If they still want you to come, then do it. We have done it many times and we have others come and stay. We realize it will be a compromise with some things but having them with us is worth any discomfort.
@ronaldinu (12454)
• Malta
17 Jan 09
I have just received an email from them saying that they will take no for an answer. so I think we will comply.
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4437)
• United States
17 Jan 09
Haha, they sound like my sort of people. I think that people realize the size of the group before inviting. I so enjoy it when I stay with relatives and vice versa. It is like an old-fashioned pajama party!
16 Jan 09
Hi ronaldinu, I would take their offer and it can be so much fun and free to do what you want, the hotel can be expensive and they may have st rules about meals, so go enjoy what ever you decide and have fun. Tamara
@ronaldinu (12454)
• Malta
16 Jan 09
As they would not take no for an answer... we have decided to stay at her house. To be honest when they were in my country I would have preferred if they had stayed in my home than ina hotel. Imean the fact that they are staying at your house would have saved me some travelling, not that I complained. I am lucky that we have short distances here.
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
7 Jun 09
I would stay with my friends as I think it is the right thing to do. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. So as this discussion is 5 months old where did you stay? Did you stay with your friends or did you get a hotel room? Did it all work out okay? How was your holiday by the way? Did you have fun?
@KrauseHome (32345)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Personally if your friends have invited you to stay with them, it might be the Best thing to stay there and not offend them. If you all get along, and it will save you $$ this is a plus. Just make sure they understand that there is 3 of you and this is going to be no problem, and then plan on it from there. I think overall it is best to not offend someone so you all can have a Great time for sure.
• Philippines
3 Apr 09
Hi there ronaldinu! I have been in the same situation before. Well, several times at that. More often than not, my decision as to whether to take the offer or not depends on several factors. If I were in your situation and there are only three of us plus my friends offered us to stay at their home, I would probably take the chance. Especially that it would help minimize expenses on my part. It would be a totally different story if they did not offer and I just squeeze myself in their crib along with my companions. Another factor I would have to consider would be if the place I am actually planning to visit is not that near to their place. Or, if I simply do not want to take much of their time by taking care of me and the other people I am with. Now, if ever I can't take their offer and they might get offended, I will try my very best to explain why I turned down such a great offer from them.
@cortney09 (1348)
• United States
24 Jan 09
I don't think that they would think that you are imposing, if they invited you to stay at their home. If you feel like you might be imposing (even though I don't think you are)then I would explain to them how you feel. I am sure that they would be honest with you if ya'll are friends.
@kellyjeanne (1578)
• United States
22 Jan 09
I think it's very admirable of you to turn down their hospitality, but, at the same time, if they are extending their home to you why not accept? After all, as you said, you will be saving money and you may enjoy yourselves more knowing that you are with friends. Hey, go for it, my friend and enjoy yourselves! Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Since they offered to have you stay, I would absolutely stay with them. I would offer to pay for meals, or gas for car if you got somewhere with them, etc. to help with expenses. Help by cleaning up after yourselves, etc. See how it goes, and if they seem put out after a night or two, then pull them aside confidentially and say hey if having all of us here is putting you out, we can go to a hotel for the rest of our stay! Something like that.
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
19 Jan 09
Ah yes ronaldinu,I have come across such a situation. once while going on a holiday I book myself and my family in a hotel(never mind the additional expense),and inform my dear friends who were living in that area that we have booked ourselves in a hotel which is a wee bit far away from them.They wanted us to stay in their place,but I told them we have some business in a place which is near the hotel.But since they wanted me to stay at their place ,and did not want to offend them I booked for less number of days.Then on the last but one day I checked out of the hotel and stayed at their place.This way I was able to cater to their demands without inconveniencing both parties.....
• United States
19 Jan 09
Why not discuss it with them, stay at the hotel, and invite them to join you for activities, dinners, etc.?
@rusty2rusty (6751)
• Defiance, Ohio
19 Jan 09
If the only reason you don't want to stay with your friends is because you might impose on them, than yes they will be very offended if you stay at a hotel. Or at least I would. If they offered for you to stay with them. Than it is by no mean imposing on them. They want to do you a favor and save yous ome money. I suggest you take them up on the offer. But keep extra money around, just incase you may need to go to a hotel later if things don't work out.
• United States
18 Jan 09
Voice your concerns to your host. They may be okay with all three of you staying at their place.I think you should stay with your friends. And if they want to visit your country, they can stay with you or close to you. Pride is smaller than kindness, let them host your visit.
@saundyl (9698)
• Canada
18 Jan 09
I would talk to them - explain that the offer is really appreciated and that if there weren't as many of you traveling you would accept their offer. But since there are you feel that staying would be an imposition and you will stay at a hotel and stop by to visit while you are there. If they insist you aren't an imposition take them up on the offer but if tempers rise and such be prepared to move to a hotel.
@fifileigh (3621)
• United States
18 Jan 09
do what makes you comfortable. and be honest with your friends and explain why you decided that way. it has nothing to do with them, but it is rather how you feel.
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
18 Jan 09
Well ronaldinu, if your friends see it as no problem in having your family then go ahead and stay with them. What you can do though if you feel that you are imposing then when you are leaving you can give them something for letting you staying. Say for instance the bill at the hotel is $500 then you can give then $300 and save the other two. You know sometimes persons are a little short but don't want to disclose it and knowing that you are a kindhearted person then they know that you will not leave without leaving something. I can be wrong but this is my opinion.