My own brother claims to be too busy to read one of my book chapters. Sometimes life is very sad.

@TheHorse (211314)
Walnut Creek, California
September 24, 2021 11:42am CST
My parents died when I was young, but I have a brother. I also have two step-brothers and a step-sister. I have written about my brother in the past. He has stolen money from me and has a hard time dealing with my "successes." He has never left a comment on any of my YouTube videos and has never read any of my "scholarly" papers, even though they're relevant to his area of work. Most recently, I sent him chapter from the book I'm writing about working, as a Ph.D. psychologist, with really difficult children from disadvantaged backgrounds. He did not read it. Do you have family members who do not acknowledge you? Or are jealous of you? Does it take a psychological toll on you?
23 people like this
21 responses
@Torunn (8607)
• Norway
24 Sep 21
If my brother sent me something like that, I'd read it. But he's not a scholarly type. I say hi when I see him. Never talk to him. Might end up with a terrible quarrel when our parents die, but I'm crossing my fingers that it's many years to that. I don't really mind it, as it's my choice. You chose your friends, not your family, so I've chosen to ignore parts of my family.
7 people like this
@Torunn (8607)
• Norway
24 Sep 21
@TheHorse My brother and I have very different interests even though I have horses and he works as a farrier. But he's not interested in academic stuff, books and we definitly don't like the same music. Are you and your brother different, or too much alike?
5 people like this
@topffer (42156)
• France
24 Sep 21
"You chose your friends, not your family". Exactly what I think. I don't think my brother has ever read a line from me, and I don't care about that, each one at home and the sheep will be well kept.
8 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Sep 21
Interesting. I would say my brother is as intelligent as I am. But we have a hard time collaborating.
6 people like this
@marguicha (218221)
• Chile
24 Sep 21
Yes, I do. But I rather not talk about it. I got me an adopted family (who are more than friends for me) and I donĀ“t miss my brother or my 2 in laws. Their loss. Dixie and Humberto are my real family now. I love this quote.
5 people like this
@marguicha (218221)
• Chile
25 Sep 21
@TheHorse Years ago, when all this started, I was in real anguish. I went to cry to Humberto as I consider him my brother. He listened to me and replied "kill them". It was metaphorical, of course. It helped me a lot. I started not to expect anything from them and accept that my relation with them would only be polite. It even got better after that and I stopped yearning for their love. It seemed that they are not capable of a deeper relation with me. So be it.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
Interesting. I enjoyed it.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
@marguicha Good one. I can't "kill" my brother, as we co-own property in Montana. But I have to teach myself not to expect his behavior to change.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (41379)
• Wapello, Iowa
24 Sep 21
It could be worse. My friend Donny is having to sue his niece for embarrassing him.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
How did she do so? And why?
2 people like this
@vandana7 (99579)
• India
25 Sep 21
@TheHorse He was talking about Donald Thump I think.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
@vandana7 Good gosh, I actually missed that! Perhaps I am losing my "cleverness" in my old age. Now you are taking care of your father AND me.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (331182)
• Rockingham, Australia
25 Sep 21
If it were me, I don't think I'd bother sending him anything. It's just setting yourself up for rejection. Sad but what can you do about it?
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (46114)
• India
25 Sep 21
@vandana7 Hopefully after the Biden-Modi meet and the Quad meet, Horse would collaborate more with you!
3 people like this
@vandana7 (99579)
• India
25 Sep 21
You are smart Judy. Now I am left to wonder, why he does not send it to me. Does he fear criticism or does he think I will get it printed here as written by me, and his effort will go as plagiarized stuff. Anything can happen with an Indian like me, you know. Evil Grin.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
I keep thinking that as we get older, and realize that our time here is limited, he'll come around. But in some ways, people do not change.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (43522)
• Staten Island, New York
24 Sep 21
I hardly talk to my brother these days. Or see him. But that would be harder to do as he moved to FL.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
The world is a small place, though. There are so many ways to communicate. If we choose to.
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203445)
• Nashville, Tennessee
24 Sep 21
That is too bad to hear. My family are gone but I have had issues similar in the past.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Sep 21
When you look back, can you figure out what led to the issues?
4 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Sep 21
@CarolDM That may be a good decision. But I do wonder (sometimes) what I could have done differently.
4 people like this
@CarolDM (203445)
• Nashville, Tennessee
24 Sep 21
@TheHorse I try not to look back, not going that way.
4 people like this
@celticeagle (162694)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Sep 21
I'm so glad right now that I am an only child.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (99579)
• India
25 Sep 21
Why don't you send it to me? You know I am honest with friends. I don't want them to be making a fool of themselves for sure. So why don't you send it to me? Do you think I cannot read English or something?
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (62207)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Sep 21
It used to bother me, but I've walked away from my toxic family. They would steel from me and try to keep me igernate of the outside world. Even after I became a legal adult. With a little help I moved away from them and cut them out of my life. I wonder how they're doing sometimes, but I find it's for the best I stay away and keep my distance. I tried to be the bigger person, and attend the wedding of my niece, but that turned out to be a disaster.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Sep 21
What went wrong at the wedding of your niece?
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Sep 21
Have you found others to serve as "pretend family members"? When I was in graduate school, I found a "mom" and a "dad". Also a "brother." My academic mom and dad were good people who ultimately served on my dissertation committee. I helped my pretend dad build his house in the mountains behind Santa Barbara CA. We talked about many things, not just academics. My pretend brother was in a developmental psychology class I TAed. When he came back from a semester in Sweden, he had nowhere to live and stayed on my couch for several weeks. He is my main hiking buddy and West Coast best friend.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (466092)
• Switzerland
25 Sep 21
@topffer is right, you choose your friends, not your family. I only have one brother who always ignored me. At least with Covid we have not met from almost two years.
2 people like this
@JESSY3236 (19382)
• United States
28 Sep 21
sorry your brother is like that.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
28 Sep 21
I am over 60-years-old and still trying to accept it.
1 person likes this
@paigea (36210)
• Canada
25 Sep 21
So far, no big disputes in our family. We don't see each other often, but seems enjoyable when we do.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
I do miss the family gatherings we used to have.
1 person likes this
@paigea (36210)
• Canada
25 Sep 21
@TheHorse Yes, they were already becoming rare, but Covid really had an impact.
@NJChicaa (117275)
• United States
24 Sep 21
My sister and I get along fine.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Sep 21
I have a best friend here in California. He is kind of my surrogate brother. We have our issues, but we are able to discuss them. And even laugh at them.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (165037)
• United States
25 Sep 21
My father disowned me when I moved out at 21; and I haven't seen any of my family, including aunts, uncles, cousins for 50 years or more. I learned long ago to not let it bother me.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
@LindaOHio That is very true.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (211314)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Sep 21
How did you do so? In my "dream word," we all acknowledge and embrace each other.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (165037)
• United States
25 Sep 21
@TheHorse Unfortunately there are a lot of dysfunctional families.
2 people like this
@pumpkinjam (8624)
• United Kingdom
25 Sep 21
I write a lot, so I don't expect my sisters to read everything I write. I think my older sister reads some of my things, and she'll share them on social media sometimes. I don't think my younger sister bothers at all, nor do any other family members really. I tell my mum if I've written something that might interest her, and she might get round to reading it eventually. If you've specifically sent something to your brother then it would be courteous of him to read it. As long as you've given him a chance to do so, of course. I don't know if any family members are jealous of me. It can be upsetting if someone doesn't seem bothered about your work, especially if you take an interest in theirs, I don't let it bother me.
@GardenGerty (158774)
• United States
25 Sep 21
None of my close family is that way, although my dad's family treated him poorly at times and so did my mom's family. I guess that is why we learned to love each other. Sometimes we do not LIKE each other, but mostly we care for and support one another. I am sorry you are both hurting so badly. He sounds like a miserable person.
@snowy22315 (174148)
• United States
25 Sep 21
Yes, I do and it is painful. It goes back to the old saying, you can pick your friends, but not your relatives. I guess we are stuck with them for better or worse.
1 person likes this
@ptrikha_2 (46114)
• India
25 Sep 21
In modern times, such is the sad state of affairs. You are not alone. While I do not read or talk about Mythology 24 x 7, Ancient Hindu scriptures did predict such things about our present age : The Kaliyug. So next time do not expect anything from him!!
@wolfgirl569 (99564)
• Marion, Ohio
25 Sep 21
I just dont have much to do with my siblings at all.
@1creekgirl (41015)
• United States
25 Sep 21
I feel like I've gotten to know you better from this one post than all the others you've written. I'm really sorry about your brother and relatives. (I have many relatives, but few family members. And a very few share my DNA.) I've never been really close to my brother and sister, they're years younger than me. Life events made relationships harder, so we're pleasant if we run into each other, but not close.